然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXtjcCysUO
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260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosNpEqqK6f
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxg5feggaj
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkziJ9DOkIh
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngXYVxQdcV
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTKFTABzAC
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIwTfgGDqt
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqc6eDpo9l
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkWCi8cDuM
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUKtNmSl56
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66urkulY0H
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5cVAutxZl
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaTDlJF1oE
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1NFeOwGIC
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3DKRi1LgA
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3qsunpCaa
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DosqY34p9
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE50lcoFRWt
他心情不好便會打她。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfJ5cvJO4q
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmk63f3wj7
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLqFgnTcQe
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmpKtdmFCL
一下一下打下去。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrc8HGl9CM
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JWOLRugVB
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrdEn5eI5k
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWAwECjLzp
「我無唔聽話呀！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBpq5IAGMj
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvg8fDQf0J
「仲講大話！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIKtFD1pPd
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1bR1NxEiq
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EYCEPc1xw
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgHNqRTUPx
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYLqA0TEMi
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ39JVFvmm
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi01C1vcDuD
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CakLagYD8
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBN5eonDhb
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXndF5bknbW
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenej3MIOxO
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cpqn6B92G
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkAgZMXCT4
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1lkkuLyFl
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxDjAxT7kp
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4ocNrGtSq
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBpn5tY9Lm
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuszeFxD2IO
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVCnbrglgU
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然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLb0sgaKEL
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3qFZDDHir
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RRoYvXGhR
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqIXjpTpPo
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwEF1E0Zbo
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLt3UvDCb3
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8ZDWjRU2P
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIHGvgF3ED
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifp9RzKgkl
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCuIvWMnct
「熊仔去咗邊？」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJLxK5mma7
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCLOg3uCTd
「我抌咗。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrhLS1OUZb
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MVHcqCGFb
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphXgfq8Q72
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27wt8jbQVv
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm95O0CqCUM
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7Lz4e9wTt
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqQxXwkh2x
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZqMhGv0hb
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyE6hyvA9T
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLvQWWhLTI
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3F7vswBOq
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oKH74hJKU
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7YT3cysgw
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmilJChc4Zs
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWNoZzCmFo
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5qCjLykg3
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgFDquOdsv
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FLJZ4bXrh
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH2TuqS2xh
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiraOjAVsg9
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDxAcHC39d
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那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimuuU6JYua
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYNwKWIv3J
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tHJqGOoTV
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGDQzCTgJd
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTEkZC6Ak1
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yayFQ9eRR
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rknt6RexY
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC21WxxM567
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsYmPPw2Ao
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnH4Yvw4yG
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbL6cs96yD
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHo9kdCpF8
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQpUvpoCLF
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vTM5I9zxG
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlutUJpAHD
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUxXCxFb8A
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHX6gHYzKs
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4nep2jbyb
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPTd1UTk96
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlLx75ltxU
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9cIDEUYzn
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxQJPlxp4H
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY01QwIxv7v
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NZYoczr6f
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xQdVpUwaS
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxGO5Nww9k
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRGryGrU6D
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOpaVmuSMU
直至父親又打家姐。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVZWkjBA7m
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPq27REjb8
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc5x1mT2br
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjX1I8Eix4Z
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcxPD4Kkxr
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5oSLx9YSC
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3TKaMKPoC
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqY7lLC0uX
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gV4e3F9Kk
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZkKktLKa5
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKURjxgfC8t
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubBbO75iis
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdu5B3MpRfg
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vPL31J4bo
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttPXVWhuoi
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURRpx98e67
「我無！」家姐搖頭。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJufJIAuXIo
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijBkj15In2
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKCGC7WDY3
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluiLzSp6Tl
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhx7Bq7ehd
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAY2JFdmiO
「多謝阿爸。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeagdANj2JK
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PX7UGJ8gZ
家姐推了林蓁落地。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8kNtgGVF7
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbU7hbQ4pt
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoX9fWFb2X
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0IhRZEaNl
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZWPGZJ5zn
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySdtZX06AQ
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtQscDj1RP
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgV3kywKfu
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9BeS2lVE3
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmWQhigHPS
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstlWXqJpKg
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWAmMpjVrL
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ePgGEfgrN
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP3LctjoqT
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260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhzyGnyfZI
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NygUJC1ZW
260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuPFlhsFBU
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。260Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRYB5Pv2Ec
