在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ8buVxukJ
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu2eyndevd
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidLmlg9fnc
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqspLagotJ
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72VU2TEKFM
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbBBRZBxog
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPJv1wF3r0
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsQgrUYHwk
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gpCT0ayig
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSL7b0xFg1
「你條裙有血！」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS10hRP0qX4
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21kZx3HZQV
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8tvduODka
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQgaXlsMuo
「大個女啦。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjUm37puzO
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycHkzZZWba
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tIcDqVYi2
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcKfp6JTFi
「去廁所清理吓。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhlHIz2Pw4
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ftyR1jSWU
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LvnTWQFC6
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlCSwW5vSx
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaOir0aHze
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkatMqjCjNG
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFICC6RTH2
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXQ41BaYh6
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVTSO7jgDV
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjP4lUJdFa
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFR3gEBCrV
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmb0ntkZTZ0
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfEw8kIQJ0
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G9OsRUNJC
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GJwULIWG2
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHHelWEM3D
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6WutWRkay
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnBC260I9w
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfHaWyQeqi
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9KP17F5u8
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEyBfnlAGq
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAR64etFBXb
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVVj2IzdtG
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWkBIVcori
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8qI1ZGeVU
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUmhxmRMSa
只聽見他說：278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSUpFydZdD
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3qkxrfIwk
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjL9YPVwNN
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Hahj4qnQl
林蓁心下一沉。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt47uZUl9fe
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafioJbRj5G
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1r6WvrEKY
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsjk5mDkcR
她又想，會不會是他口硬？278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9okZgeydA
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJOVRzx2II
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y31ArTdy6
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmQAFz9tkM
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kBMFsVA6J
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdQucmsyV8
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfILqEK1g3
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCOmedS8pr
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfA7mwjuo2
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDjamYHJeg
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJgSb1nRnK
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOa5W4bHLl
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDuKOT52Xw
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs19Ul8xhxQ
/278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjA7SVjE5g
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4aDlDpNAP
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WeOzISDQR
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPaHD5fkCp
她去見了周立沖。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1e7iELbHQ
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVtiR3VZNp
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrWCdbt6yz
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVjcLc75UP
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDUJJRhaSs
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d7a1BMe76
「無所謂。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jMPfI3JHK
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrDD20rHRI
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZWGQdHgfB
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjojcyplL4
家裡沒有飯吃。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2F8YKMkni
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAlcjxvPcI
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnKG8Ec6t7
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpl6CpGJJKJ
「你煮咩我都食。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6kA1IJbgX
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWVJqix2wc
「傻瓜。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWktAyvCXK2
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfIngTZAlh
他摸摸她的頭。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMKCgkQxnu
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4iiNBWrrR
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgSnfRgH4d
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJfQJ172NA
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq5rdBQDUD
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZkxXy6hpA
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3HUfoKbxm
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3jfBtqKKt
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88FJvdiaHo
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpXYiBSldF
「不如食咗我先。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpzD4w431S
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaMk5jD0Zm
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPL2aShAnL
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTj3Rca4I3x
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NN5V6jAGn
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3pJPL57Vn
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqAqbDZah8
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIQ1REHUs2
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfarnKZF2w
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsLPi3Kh2c
不過，幸好，現在他在。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipAGaIsgIE
278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO50ZjP8d7j
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5zGhqGQRN
