Taylor's POV
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"Matthew" I whisper in the morning reaching out for him in bed and feeling his skin under my touch. Relief washes over me when I realise he is still here, next to me.
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"Baby" he whispers softly and I open my eyes to the light streaming into the room, his tan skin which I'm exploring with my hands. His chest and his abs, my hands just gliding over him whilst he's still half asleep.
We agreed on no alcohol, for a week or so we have both succeeded in being sober together. Matthew has been somewhat less busy with his exhibition complete and I have begun to sort through my feelings. With no drunken nights and hungover mornings I've come to terms with the loss of our babies and although thoughts of them will never ever be fully erased from my mind, I have started to heal. Piecing myself back together slowly.
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"Oh Taylor" he sighs as my alarm goes off, a small grin falls over his face as he opens his eyes and I turn the beeping off.
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"We can be late" I whisper to him.
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"We can huh?" He smirks and I giggle as he wraps his arms around me. Before kissing me he watches my face and sighs dramatically.
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"What did I ever do to deserve a woman that is both as beautiful as you and as patient as a saint" he smirks and I laugh.
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"I'm just putting it out there, you're beautiful too" I smile and he giggles before kissing me fully.
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"Thank you" he whispers between kisses.
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"For not giving up on me" he whispers climbing on top of me and resting his strong arms between either side of my head. His lips find every little piece of my skin and kiss it, and I sigh his name before he pushes into me for the first time in months.
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"I missed you" I gasp as he thrusts into me.
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"I love you entirely" he whispers hoarsely his hands grabbing onto my hips. Our reunion is intense and I savour every moment of him before we have to get up and shower together for university.
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As it is the final week before Christmas break, lectures are winding down and the snow has picked up again. This evening is the dance show and I couldn’t be more ready to be the black swan for the evening.
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"Taylor, we'll be there tonight" Rhea announces as we all lounge around in the refectory, Rachel seated next to me showing me hair ideas for her final project. Rhea comes to sit on my other side and Matthew looks up at me briefly smiling before talking to Ross.
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"I can’t wait I’ll be imagining you lot naked when I’m nervous” I laugh and Jay scoffs slightly.
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“You, I won’t find hard to imagine at all” I sigh looking at Matthew briefly. Matthew has grown up immensely since our miscarriage. There's been a shift in our relationship, the youth we shared has been replaced by something more serious. He adores me entirely, I can tell that much still.
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“You’ll be just darn perfect” Rhea smiles, and as I look up I catch Jay staring at me. Before I can look away he smiles briefly and I smirk back at him.
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***
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Kim, Matthew’s sister agreed to assist me with my hair and makeup for the show. As I brush out the long waves in my hair waiting for her in the dance studio I work through the movements in my head visualising every extension and deciding I will indeed be perfect this evening.
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She makes an entrance, of course, dragging a small suitcase behind her with what I assume to be hair tools and makeup brushes. Her short pixie hair looks stylish as she pulls off a long trench coat and smiles. I fling my arms around her and she looks at me just briefly with consolation, yet it’s not awkward. Kim had known about the pregnancy and consequently the miscarriage, however tactfully she does not mention it to me now.
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"Where is he" she says like a typical older sister.
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"He won't be far" I chuckle as the door props open again and he strolls in, wearing a pair of chinos and a button up shirt.
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"Hey sis" Matthew says over dramatically as she flings her arms around him and he rolls his eyes.
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"I have missed you" she half laughs.
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"But for now sod off" she smiles happily, flinging her hand at him and shooing him away. He looks at her mock surprised and I giggle.
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"I want to catch up with Taylor" she explains as if he’s cramping her style even though I am his future wife.
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“Okay, I love you” he says to me before he leaves and she smiles at him.
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Kim begins with my makeup, using several sponges and brushes she gives me a tan complexion that will glow under the lights. As my main role is the black swan she focuses on a silver and black Smokey eye set with dramatic lashes.
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"Can we do half up half down hair, or is that an obstruction to your dancing?" She asks me sorting through my curly hair.
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"I was actually going to ask you a big favour" I begin and she smiles at me ready and waiting.
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"Can I have it down for my burlesque number and kind of sexy and curly." I explain and she nods.
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"And up for my ballet one" I ask her and she smiles. I get the feeling that Kim would have loved having a younger sister, and that perhaps this was always her dream. I briefly imagine her styling our baby girls hair, and emotions swirl up inside of me, telling myself fervently that we still have every opportunity to have babies and enjoy them with our respective families.
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"Of course which one’s first" she smiles down at me.
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"Burlesque and then Ballet" I say and she grins.
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"Perfect I was hoping you would say that" she explains that it will make the whole process easier before she plugs in a large barrel iron and gets to work on my hair spraying it with hair spray afterwards. It tumbles down to my waist, I’m sure that Kim with her specific skills and talents should be styling the stars. When she is finished my hair looks voluminous and luscious.
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"This is much longer than a couple weeks back and denser” she explains fluffing my hair with a little bit of oil.
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"I’m just lucky" I say, knowing that the hormonal changes most definitely played a part in it.
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"How's Kraig" I ask her as she stands and appraises my look.
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"He's good, still playing music till four am every night" she says and I catch her tone.
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"That must be a little bit of a challenge for you" I say and she laughs slightly.
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"He's a rock star" she says half mocking and half admirably.
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"He'll be here. Mum and Steve too” she adds with a small smile, I haven’t seen Matthew’s mum since we announced the pregnancy. It was too difficult for me to leave the house shortly after we lost both of the babies, the only people I saw in that that time were my mother and Jay as he visited me at home.
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"Oh nervous much" I say eyeing the burlesque costume.
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"Oh don't be so silly" she says as she finishes my look and declares me a masterpiece.
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"You're so talented" I exclaim and she hugs me briefly like an older sister would.
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"You're welcome now let me see these costumes " she announces trotting over to the rack.
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I lift up the black bodice for my ballet number and the sequin tutu skirt. Watching it gleam and glisten under the studio lights she gasps and inspects it keenly.
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"This is the black swan costume" I say blushing.
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"Stunning" she says breathlessly.
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Next I pull out the burlesque number, maroon in colour with just as many sequins as the black costume. It’s seriously grown up and sophisticated. The closely cut bust will enhance my cleavage and the matching skirt is flirty and fun.
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“That is beautiful I need to have a peek around this university’s costume department, it will give me serious ideas” she explains and I grin.
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"Red lips it is then" she smiles eyeing the maroon colour and going to retrieve a lipstick that is a similar shade.
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"How are you and Matty" she enquires whilst putting on the lipstick.
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"Don't worry I know I'm his sister but I'm not biased" she explains with a smile before finishing the lipstick and showing me in the mirror.
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"We are good yeah" I say hesitantly and she shakes her head.
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"Ohhh, that's not great" she says sensing my tone.
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“He’s not himself, he’s distracted” she surmises thinking to herself almost.
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"We are just mending things" I reassure her and she smiles, deciding not to push for anymore information she hugs me as we hear the crowd form through the adjoining room.
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"Right that's my cue to get in my seat and watch my beautiful sister in law" she smiles pulling away from me.
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"Knock them dead" she grins before striding over to the doors and leaving me to it.
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The noise of the people seated in the stalls reverberates through to the studio and my nerves kick in. I methodically change into the burlesque costume before hearing a knock at the door. I watch as the door opens slightly and Jay strides in without invitation, his blonde hair out loose and a simple smile over his lips.
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Wordlessly he approaches me and rests his hand on my lower back, setting my body on fire with his touch. Gazing down into my eyes I watch him and hold my breath.
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"You will be fine, beautiful” he whispers.
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"Thank you" I whisper as he strokes my hair back.
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"You should probably get to your seat I'll be on in a minute" I tell him as he just stands there holding onto me.
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"Ahhh no private shows?" He smiles down at me and my nerves dissipate looking at his charming grin.
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"No, go" I giggle and he bends his head to my own. Lightly brushing my lips with his own, stealing a perfect kiss. We haven’t kissed since the night I came onto him, whilst he was driving me home. And even though it’s a very light kiss, almost like he’s saying good luck, I close my eyes and lose myself. My hands resting on his shoulders as I breathe him in.
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"Break a leg" he smirks and I slap him playfully.
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Kissing my lips quickly again he absorbs my playful slaps and smiles. Chuckling he rushes out to his seat and I'm left with a broad grin playing on my lips all of my nervousness and anxiety calmed.
