Denial.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI42ZZFFwcK
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YEx7gLaN3
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo1WVtWm5m
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ztMq2Aztt
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKuFSsMRVt
"I'm fine," I stressed.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4evWVkcoZ
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtfnxvkfmd
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXGmW81E8d
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ70kZD9aWz
***410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VHYo0hCWG
Anger.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7DbUQV373
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jOFh6EK9K
Things are always easy when you're a kid.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFOPTgxm9E
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89bYhVoG5F
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmb8PEMcS3
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoFotUIHro
"Clara?"410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyWwdYlnWc
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5mN7MqHuW
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6sggt6bxk
"When can I go home?" I asked.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8jzztOEva
He sighed. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVs0dNRIuy
"Well?"410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3A7LYs75EV
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq8fyplCD9
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTshOxUYMi
"Talking helps."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUKgZFINNG
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tUkns50jO
"It doesn't work that way."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWOAjHZ0JO
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrJybBqrI5
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZVX647WFB
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGKCRhJPAE
***410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zZFZzWAxA
Depression.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADasgASLGg
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTaQRsBeGx
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCwis9MKOV
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEFgm6dWDD
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkOrX5nT9o
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2Oeiv9V3A
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlP5xFUHNCv
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4Zw07a2rO
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVBmdv88HZ
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mqrYPHbSO
***410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfp4zBz7cE
Bargaining.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7O6wJ03jm
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsXGyF9ORe
They say it's the five stages of grief.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZ2tcrqQGK
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNRvDV5z13
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm4LHitVxl
But now, you don't. I don't.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpD3E7p9Zs2
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMvRIYGqzD
***410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WakGrD74t
Acceptance.410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKdYXX5E3o
There's nothing you can do to change it. 410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIX7g2m7QFm
***410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfeFEdDjmn
