Denial.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRw55EAMnl
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ4gwAtt9h
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyGrAEZct4
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLuPsea7U0
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEdkaFpFVV
"I'm fine," I stressed.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdU4HjlMjs
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgngrjhrqrY
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIdMjJAcrE
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7GMLqU6AN
***391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7os1d2O2xN
Anger.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzUrQ1bKwW
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9ZQSKj5fg
Things are always easy when you're a kid.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpOqyYqjLo
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyt3ouOMZk
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr2aQEhPGp
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOHMhLmzUJ
"Clara?"391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR1knjsWGZ
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbmdCBsTvv
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1crlXuPTg
"When can I go home?" I asked.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJAIPj0EtX
He sighed. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdajlNdhYW
"Well?"391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYzOW4cvda
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ffnJbFsDX
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0szPPDe77
"Talking helps."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lAZ6e208r
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1enDZen0Z
"It doesn't work that way."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCfhdGSIxE
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOZ3TvNPiL
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUztTHZCulw
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyxnfDf29L
***391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1UytiDnbT
Depression.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4AyuHVECo
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SjnVlCbce
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYA6qXdvYX
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Cl4Cabq80
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtCTWFrQE4
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAetFSw5Tbc
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6N0Wn5lLE
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkFpYrF4Fb
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDs9fQjqUzu
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMskijH4ft
***391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRt1m2xUMC
Bargaining.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpMXodMd65
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP991Jh2GB
They say it's the five stages of grief.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGq2Nxwj5AH
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5R0fKVPmU
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErChIKUob2
But now, you don't. I don't.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmtNAvaabY
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeLzhf6N2t
***391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVHnLLWx4h
Acceptance.391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzXcnfrTeK
There's nothing you can do to change it. 391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDtSlq7Ui3
***391Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5LcsZimAL
