我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmmv0Ez5yx
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPNc9Zy6Yo
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHy7wnHW0y
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBOjmr9YXn
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBeoALDHt1
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWYUShq4Xm
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkFuuZyvmy
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQVgAxd5Ac
壓力似乎一併消散。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTu0RgMRbkX
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEw7mD0leh
茶盡。我再續杯。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYs3ZSyAKXF
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIw6JTOhqo
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqw4Jsycpy1
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4zmsaA7XF
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhiLiBgraz
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaMvOF1Eyo
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YEoEL4jhi
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡred6JSwabo
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMu2kPh7XvW
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ812hIrl3KG
夢醒一場空。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JknJOuCmx
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8s3ZjAxMoy
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuGXGKQ83i
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RARzYV0Gn
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnzPkRiEGd
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGjPVXsngJ
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcABHZektKP
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafRSlzGRst
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7BCSralbo
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxGoUcfhx4
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywMDgSl7IZ
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfOCgexSRo
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSipsmyYMc
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVJ6gmfBc3
我沾沾自喜。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6pIHbSFBo
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV7V1LjYp1
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhaHSxUfc5
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBlb7uScOF
但我沒有向同學們坦白。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrAe7sB209
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprdNLXeuoK
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSqKsRoP1i
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqHkumJU5b
努力，努力，努力。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYD90dZdSg
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWkJExOv7T
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbGDTQZ3mB
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j4J0HuzMt
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaCBEQGVqn
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEkqoJ2H3r
以為。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0p8Pjs3DSi
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqbgTz0K3f
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYnIJrsE7F
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULK6gUQlV6
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ037O8GDGhH
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbovH2iu1hM
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtTBU71fz2
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEUD1GB4aU
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkR3ThpzxWa
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjbIr8L9cd
我的作品感動了我。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWpdYXRijJ
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BnpSAyC8U
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzGPq5jjvy
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEDH68UPZ4
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnAdA29IyV
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup3O7vORmG
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk0TEAOmPF
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhe6iB3NktI
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aAzUPgFr5
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMuEpsW6Z4
熱茶又涼了。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmPck08g3L
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSLQEsXq6I
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxWDgZTC7f
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rwTc70kBr
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhDIJlQ2BV
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZHnce0baE
我的作品只感動了我。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLdjOquXeZ
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHInG2fxFw
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLLEsmhMhM
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns18.189.184.99da2
