我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。275Please respect copyright.PENANAR5Orktdtox
275Please respect copyright.PENANAqIVvhBF9bd
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。275Please respect copyright.PENANAToRD99N9Ci
275Please respect copyright.PENANArpGertplUY
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。275Please respect copyright.PENANAl5YzH8E0qa
275Please respect copyright.PENANAZqszgLa5vf
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。275Please respect copyright.PENANAoGLtROG0d4
275Please respect copyright.PENANA96uNOsYtPF
壓力似乎一併消散。275Please respect copyright.PENANA7DDFP46slk
275Please respect copyright.PENANABQWdEpeBTU
茶盡。我再續杯。275Please respect copyright.PENANADkZqIfikWo
275Please respect copyright.PENANAe3KsGQrTQl
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。275Please respect copyright.PENANAGrxkkLuwsC
275Please respect copyright.PENANAvImiJNqf3y
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。275Please respect copyright.PENANApaGZRw4tTe
275Please respect copyright.PENANA1C2kNSYFyf
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。275Please respect copyright.PENANA2D87t7RFno
275Please respect copyright.PENANAYJSEASiX5R
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。275Please respect copyright.PENANARybgQhK14F
275Please respect copyright.PENANAbk84l6GkHP
夢醒一場空。275Please respect copyright.PENANA31OZaYSfdx
275Please respect copyright.PENANAQPOBrJi9p4
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。275Please respect copyright.PENANACKN7NjYWZ7
275Please respect copyright.PENANAyWTZmPKCam
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……275Please respect copyright.PENANAY9PJc1N747
275Please respect copyright.PENANA3HkdxI4DaY
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。275Please respect copyright.PENANAwHDJlly2W3
275Please respect copyright.PENANAoDn9yv0k4j
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。275Please respect copyright.PENANAYgnwprPStV
275Please respect copyright.PENANAQBlrQHAWab
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。275Please respect copyright.PENANAZwlUIhIVpw
275Please respect copyright.PENANAC8hwA7UeKT
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。275Please respect copyright.PENANA7rdyNxr2iG
275Please respect copyright.PENANAKDBvkGN4vU
我沾沾自喜。275Please respect copyright.PENANAAD2TPKtQoo
275Please respect copyright.PENANAn1COCRMBoH
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。275Please respect copyright.PENANA3EmNPBaf6a
275Please respect copyright.PENANA6kQhJ1ufVe
但我沒有向同學們坦白。275Please respect copyright.PENANASncw47oNk9
275Please respect copyright.PENANAVzxw3YceNw
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。275Please respect copyright.PENANAHes9mRf3J4
275Please respect copyright.PENANAwbWsUddMNg
努力,努力,努力。275Please respect copyright.PENANAJRBpCtPklz
275Please respect copyright.PENANA5NJoplbPfd
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。275Please respect copyright.PENANADmDtKncAQT
275Please respect copyright.PENANAnP9LJC2xjM
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。275Please respect copyright.PENANASDxUnOo0kq
275Please respect copyright.PENANAvhAZQvLeAh
以為。275Please respect copyright.PENANAyih0Zkw3a9
275Please respect copyright.PENANARHJXktVu3z
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。275Please respect copyright.PENANAbwbUqXBbN6
275Please respect copyright.PENANA1yH32f70HP
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。275Please respect copyright.PENANAweh3EhNHMc
275Please respect copyright.PENANA0GkwgJ2oao
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!275Please respect copyright.PENANAeBupI1z76C
275Please respect copyright.PENANAwMikHhOfIc
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。275Please respect copyright.PENANA0iBH1v1wNg
275Please respect copyright.PENANAofzAr9Cv53
我的作品感動了我。275Please respect copyright.PENANAMErT5ly86e
275Please respect copyright.PENANAOqDHkERQIz
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。275Please respect copyright.PENANAjfOkMG4XdT
275Please respect copyright.PENANAQkxuUDESDY
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。275Please respect copyright.PENANA4N24OB5OFA
275Please respect copyright.PENANA8INUH9MGt1
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。275Please respect copyright.PENANA6s35Rtli9E
275Please respect copyright.PENANA0iUecbFGMe
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……275Please respect copyright.PENANAdJA8wMnAsr
275Please respect copyright.PENANAhJOqgOh5kk
熱茶又涼了。275Please respect copyright.PENANAqBgkNhloOX
275Please respect copyright.PENANAaRjQ4YtbvV
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。275Please respect copyright.PENANAFRqTP5i3Gz
275Please respect copyright.PENANAGUjprVKvjC
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。275Please respect copyright.PENANAifTONyBfvw
275Please respect copyright.PENANAr0kctvMnBU
我的作品只感動了我。275Please respect copyright.PENANAWYkoYysok7
275Please respect copyright.PENANAeOfk6wJMIx
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。275Please respect copyright.PENANAOnH71PNbxp
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
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