我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IRdjGL8HN
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZibfpFWIA
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXad1mU4QC
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLNGUQjKi9
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCMwuEeuOE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNQEBY8p4R
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdkNB4Vg2i
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxcwQHNPWh
壓力似乎一併消散。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXFy2AZpvq
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6mJc0myTj
茶盡。我再續杯。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7iAfwSsdR
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxISfUME3V
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPFnaNYxKN
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA66rIYQaR
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡal5KNkcIDv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J7facL6c4
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxna2JoyRoI
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp0bNrQMsf
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDyjJ7lIgg
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3AxjXlsbz
夢醒一場空。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pvP8zrNIU
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF2mplzEgN
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzM19qW1rf
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfj44yJQts
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnbqjEaVlJ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTYs16NNg8
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMEAzpwEZv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEVEhXvqYl
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqfEJfhLLX
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXtmAxy2GW
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd93Lx0FbYu
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0Z0LDYFuS
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOATuPhzbeW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM44KNfOV5n
我沾沾自喜。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFLWUUjd0g
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbhcxHBdzK
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RMww5pEE8
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbKegtOGm6
但我沒有向同學們坦白。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkIIjtLzx2
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN1AJgK0cS
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Se2CBqFXh
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnObhkFouZ
努力，努力，努力。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEvShuDjio
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxV5jmNJV2
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSDzCggQ07
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWedm2pwGFv
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu0kjuDAjA
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjuWwFvqqf
以為。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakVVdL9siw
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsnfpg4j7T
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ujjM7CgpG
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UqWuIEhRP
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTQn5msMrm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65EAsHwSIV
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW9stOzRle
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoG7jjy9ke
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQE7ttimLJ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhURBgwnzA
我的作品感動了我。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5XKf2scUV
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8tZzITH0u
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJY5U0h4eMj
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbOE5TdAsn
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVQDvbjaAg
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CdylKUGlr
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjTwweoPXy
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7bpXiUC67
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeucn8fJQpP
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zUV1nBs9X
熱茶又涼了。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0nN9KVbZ5
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBePioxf1D
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexVL98M5kW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iuZyfA7dm
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu1nCmVUTq
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4DFVcK9LV
我的作品只感動了我。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpupOBkLVdP
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyiQ3IvBOY
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LgldI6WIF
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns3.131.142.245da2
