午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDTfOHVT4M
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7uaWxYLqE
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukn9LsiHOv
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKO6rSLngMl
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4F2kXhUCyZ
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJq7JW0dOU
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7xt3KlRY5
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRffjxWbIk
為何記住？我解釋不了。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFQBhUrmGO
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnaieptCYX
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIWeh6Varm
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFBQd1oZAe
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7Jt0IKGN7
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrYo3WAjON
其中一個是他。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymzTSl8Gcp
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUUZ1S5zPK
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgLTzNMYNV
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡol5iF3mdv2
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZufCIF1i6
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqurd4i9bN
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtH7QG6jij
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1OrwxcKGm
「你遺下銀包。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrKwVLaVyF
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JFCksNxn0
「謝謝。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOy3mg6hDV
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ScKJSbLSF
「不用客氣……」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLRh9siqAR
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl7UAhxuCg
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRrmz02dgx
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBpSQu2tAg
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeckKR0doQ
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXKiEpgdJH
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWrIh2qdLr
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kfUW4PvQs
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCdxr88tQy
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUKWaXYUWq
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztWIC9Bh3q
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWisih39G5
「我是文班許家偉。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAMOHxhVZM
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4doGaXvMk0
「我是理班李浩榮。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdW13Ikyp4o
其實我早已知道許家偉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGTeYJkdwX
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyJ0gHTn5h
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FxOOcrNOe
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6OZAXV5lM
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdf80WSWtt
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOW02K7VrJ
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhGazgvUOx
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVb2x7prEt
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JEbU6kZad
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9ZHCiVCXB
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MjSmuBDtj
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQspXtVcTFR
不服氣。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dn4O6cDwC
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXDpeF68oT
繼續觀察他。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCCtsFPBUA
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvcVFWh4Dl
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuGiMdVeNS
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGRzscyZV6
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHKdcqb4ej
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOZa3foqcK
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGgc2ruUzx
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoN9bJpd1U
我急步追趕許家偉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bCOCmvZWD
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cmb08JpCK
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ4JEcgG4B
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3VzJAv9YK
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2Kel29xiG
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7PnD2ydFM
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrrgXMFexm
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejZHedOESX
「你遺下了銀包。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0XZYguzt4
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2bNa7q8U1
「謝謝。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5KCKOo6sW
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZjVZk4fGw
「不用客氣……」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTaF6TYiMV
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbvakKrZ0D
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0eBYLZXRT
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcyEPEPWTg
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr7RqmNUNg
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GTbt792eE
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQh0aOPtG0
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2fUHnU1AR
我望入他雙眼。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlpi1QJo0B
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjHD08OipW
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmL9AIQZtxO
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sj2Ags3m3
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ukYoJO3mw
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMuszoFBK4
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJL8l9E2oPC
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorzPk4VVph
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfLgwYgqiu
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD33xKJZw9Z
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZDsMSaRX8
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoFuwd79ko
「我是文班許家偉。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtoGgOs6pE
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRBbMvVIiJ
「我是理班李浩榮。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡat6KYrJ2wX
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qJLNPS2FZ
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpXI2Yl0nR
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup5YhVk8N6
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iXsxagVH3
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XM0Jonb5T
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyC00fIMP4
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQu2wjvTcq
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc7n2yB3HT
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefEJTL1Ao3
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrepLqdIUf
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiuf0emrlV
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8fXjFgPTD
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZqUBtK1Qs
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTHuLwe90g
但我沒有阻止他。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDg7hG0hky
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLK6G8QwGvC
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlMtFtrZe5
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8tNGvM29m
我慫恿他繼續說下去。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Oh2mAlhtr
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bbvm4xeeB
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5x6J1Xo3Y
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGSKrX8dyv
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XYbb7klyc
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9f7lsx9ae
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oheqnWi7X
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQAPRul7W9
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ674vsIOjZS
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcokpv6oVo9
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmR8lpgARJ
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bUt904zti
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f3mPIulHS
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiv6Mat4FY
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUf3K3Y8cRo
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWzWqvTUmH
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPPQrgLO3y
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9BAmtd34j
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMBuUVUOZw
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhBuC23PeZ
但我掛念他。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zHItqqQcG
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynNp7k7T9A
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nd9eAw9Jx
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvoRktioyB
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDKKVsh4OC
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3s3gvKPRS
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUw8uklhjf
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKVKulbJsQ
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLCsW37uXt
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ90iGKGQa
不要說。不要聽。不要見。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgXNzDApz2
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvMtkh22LW
希望時間會沖淡一切。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19YWux8Pxb
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqncbY2Bt8r
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyO4UQs9Xg
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3Y4F4lHyp
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4bmKn2bNl
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8SJUCNosO
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kUkKHZi9Q
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLI5XbyGGXX
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbgCKeGW1U
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwzCRdR0lb
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6XDk7ayMl
「我也不明白。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1vzScN9V7
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrJpETiq5H
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeVk0U4fjX
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gU367WK5D
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37X8DIiVXc
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBIY7keRjd
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLtfqcRs3L
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNS8r2AZkrO
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jT8jAU5NX
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDafwC4X3b
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAhsyGXlhk
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFTE0BJpl0
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDWQKo5mQE
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooLNDSKcmC
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPQAwPY7WE
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVHB6nwFbZ
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuXt66osFp
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtdxucO0ZR
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyIO0C19Qz
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcw1AMadNbm
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5aLAx6Rev
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90YBw6KEiv
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWTDaQG4gF
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFJXg8ivpS
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRauRbPq6A
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPYWkgLLuw
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4knq6c3UJf
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslFFoteCjg
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyhdB8mg8a
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AOtVSMNHj
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAjzF1rMMr
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiNkpYBit4
為何要走到這一步？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zLwgUSRSl
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddYZNk2vaa
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWBzzRYalS
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLzH4UB3Iy
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5hpj9Oq9l
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOW2c60jjW
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlilMR2JNrW
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCC80ryUmi
「別倔強。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtGHPPmpqj
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2i5XWF6mSi
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrn7jCXQao5
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvlGKTSmt3
「我想你放棄。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1j8liu8J8
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmC4mgID0W0
「原因？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ydx0N8DRs
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1GX7nYXFC
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JYxVSTMVF
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0dGEgagKW
「我知道。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaO4bixM73
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW2hhrSEGI
「何解還要繼續下去？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPpAhmASfM
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7xS8LPjh3
「感情易放難收。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvoQKrDzOj
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvS0ijSHcZZ
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡousNRLHWPr
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Zs6AnQBL5
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvERZX2sGwL
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1teVFoyGGJ
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnqqBcXm3m
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAv8lcQiio
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIvXMElC8o
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zC2VRv1zq
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrWCBvvVEX
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDlPKAsNGi
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0Lz3D4djc
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnH0KGvPLBT
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkMQvzFsLs
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYDeWgtvpH
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkujLCiLhFA
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V9g7h3Asc
小醉。半醉。大醉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7vWFnMl39
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcef4FUjEsx
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykj71li1je
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWTbjWS2ZG
「直接講我愛他。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3z29TmziXg
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmFBI82wDH
「如果他拒絕？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdsWh4mhzy
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaf5MgLb7A
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCWzN5XWDF
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fIIezh6d6
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBZyY10m5z
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8f1InZHbi
「我當然是高興！」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjKG1CBHjZ
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTf5QzsK0su
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuWxak3c5J
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jny6kTUAG
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOauDHbY80
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzidZnWZj4B
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Rxo5FoVhn
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNaoHuTGCV
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT3odEwxov
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreaA05LTQ6
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfygF6DEQtw
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmoFYGXUaA
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzeCzBhYaP
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP2l1QWiKz
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH5DyiBbab
「你仍然單身？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyrAm2s0ct
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7R1SzqL8i
「是的。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgrrZTvM7Y
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdUfFpcImC
「要我當媒嗎？」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIByPs7H3M
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu4nZy62a0
「不了。難為情。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJ1KBZdoFL
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPtafs7VpN
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqwteiUs3c
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyI61159koT
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrAVFl7VJt
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWOeM3fpEn
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIv8V07ojD
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43cxEWkfyT
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PVSQUdEcv
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzMQZ4EW4N
回家吧。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosaTarGSSY
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk2r4wegJE
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoA33QgcFT
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhxBzI8mMJ
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2XiAZlsh2
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9e9Q4Wlh9
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfM7tSn3DRm
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERxACwAr7N
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHWoirGSZP
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8JxV8jrxc
大概是一見鍾情吧。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVNdfUxDN5
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnieEtt4QbS
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqryFzi5wnO
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXWRaRNhxQ
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAUILdw8VR
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yvikfExGK
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3ffOm2s14
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs7awVXEDp
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYrnOioqga
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFV1SwPBwHl
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTb7z0CwVy
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryKRfulajc
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDzu0DGJok
百感交集……288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTyKrLDoGi
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBkYNXlgju
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwv2l0oROpU
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcEuwvjn6T
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMRityROBh
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48fICrSFS5
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfH5ZGibTu3
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcpzbNih3S
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCebOG1XXIy
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ppToN0kZ3
「認得。你是文班的。」288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNw4xpUbA36
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z1LuOvwsr
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn52KtBOsVm
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEyDqn2n2I
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAhAcg0D6M
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lwVnvY95Y
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRIYUTbPGz
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIgFLgEb8y
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyqi5C1tTR
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHZNL3z8qr
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJxuGW8TfT
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCuiD9isRz
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbIqdFHyr9
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1A9tEMRUZ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8wNeflIwT
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3zeJj2X3O
我哭笑不得。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ICJj9YDQc
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnQvkwD45J
無意跟他繼續對話。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcSIng7HfT
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW4U9z5Wxo
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QAlfYpnPv
288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeWXCs89nZ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DY4bojWSW
