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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZgElwPEqH
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCxheTQeZL
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs4RyNtibF
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl4zQbLjmk
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7o8uT04fo
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHY4YZiIBgr
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WjhIhTHjG
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4qxW1sE2Y
為何記住？我解釋不了。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDsuDjca4A
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXcuNa4Dy7
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmsN5WD3Vo
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeLUcCe9uC
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOJQ0djUpU
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOmxwuRKV0
其中一個是他。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaF8pZ5Y0ut
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd55whLNGoQ
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6Ab7QBsSW
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQjZkHzsQJ
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NG7eaxLF9
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI5yc69pQW
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYl6WEDJDV
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8pTCVFEo6
「你遺下銀包。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkBgt3Nfxq
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFMpOV14po
「謝謝。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7P97NPGg0
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHStTKdqyz
「不用客氣……」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaDijKSp4e
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk9f06xtEq
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpu9dTVdL0
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLz3VmXAbcN
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7T2WFaILkD
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwhSAGGoi1
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNJ1Vf8gBl
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j52JGucuh
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc41EYt4BIh
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxGkz83A1S
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLJA1fcj4H
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjQGVlSl2Y
「我是文班許家偉。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzEs7XDnqZ
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHXHvSv57Q
「我是理班李浩榮。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacAXKcfdzc
其實我早已知道許家偉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsBg1pj8Vd
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokCi7VfBgQ
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoJfQyn5sm
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5FSrrbrFD
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbx1iDEv6L
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBBc0UYu8y
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq52KXRQmmh
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6uiXtqHpT
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWgjn4cuUC
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEKUeTs4Eq
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj9B7KeCnG
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnq0deEB96
不服氣。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMog0xo6Mf
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rn4qLADAb
繼續觀察他。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HpMxXPuyG
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK5scDKZD9
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPxgnzVZ0c
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyUxIfnWcf
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dOTUXEkph
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wUTy94WmG
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66JzUIsFCU
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3anRSNNSQ4
我急步追趕許家偉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgob8L9Iax
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGuhIHxlhR
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAeGX3QEVV
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRA8BXP9l0
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jAhhF4hx6
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HE58fY2vJ
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTMxKfYLgk
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaDlshlTch
「你遺下了銀包。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7Uyvzyrct
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCymtAjPXUP
「謝謝。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJF4vuGJeG
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHl8BzX91bF
「不用客氣……」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwl0Zhgk0rB
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oL06mLha3
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFomi4dr43
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBGmj69KOb
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2VS1XmSgB
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHw3yYgxa3
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntGFliuqrI
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKO0SFny0HQ
我望入他雙眼。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrwpuJwiWs
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiOcjUspEx
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwAAYmBWX2
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab1Vf9or5a
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITyPzHHMVn
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwOAC7DP34
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVChcvdcoBd
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7tDg1vJAV
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhCMju5t4G
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEackP7VZA
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfjknZu6AB
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ACSefOaPk
「我是文班許家偉。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVP9YYGIdm
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz0NM4MeEi
「我是理班李浩榮。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMR5d6BhMk
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk2ld6OFuU
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlty9ae6C4
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIehyPS4U5a
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6H3L54jyDN
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0KeRSgO8e
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgHWxfvGoC
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumTA8rgbxr
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8SdrToYLo
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdEfneiFti
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLilZCD867
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yu29DgrmB
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nMRBAC6Uw
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nMwNyqywO
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTM3kRjo2Y
但我沒有阻止他。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2ZmSGr4VB
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmuSjFpLCL
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS41SEPRxib
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1aqiEkh9G
我慫恿他繼續說下去。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHOe6UjikS
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LybcDNAql
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBghhQyEGQN
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAOuIzImCS
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrM9eTc2pD
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmXtObl1t4
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7iZGXFDKO
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96QYMajPaP
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPM5CsGyn0
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAlaOOro7E
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl0EJmPSCy
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhB3JJ0asY1
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHoSocLpWs
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDKE1kRY33
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgHlbwjdmy
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiwDB8UdCl
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpYEEIBwOV
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplbiZqtH5e
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGl2YgKPKM
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECKiVN3der
但我掛念他。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKQCVrLJja
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PvCZa9u4w
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmFXUR66iV
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8L71lJJWS
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAaGHizAPk
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcwiLwoth9
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzSl74ae1Z
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQElMtdYtu
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U8cSvVEwI
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4q7U5qhiQ
不要說。不要聽。不要見。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7KeWDvN2R
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIa9EyIToO
希望時間會沖淡一切。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkf5wc5DHc
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpPHX2hgNi
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyDBoEsIpY
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuSsgvdXfL
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWisqpYhBJ
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsK6gyBBbW
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepaMgvIXTL
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡED8npUxZqs
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LETMFhnVT
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumygHuh1at
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「我也不明白。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRHyK29Vyh
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLMqaIqQQi
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「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic9KlXrm0i
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「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqGvpIUCqB
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzgE039KBM
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7jNUUAbuP
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「你該要對我感到抱歉。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCCOYvjVu6
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我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnxBiWfiuG
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阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GS8JdGZYX
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真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3o8IDTwPjr
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiMkzJvck9
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在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbp7wUinrGe
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcX63S1KCt
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TimWhQG6E
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為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8zcIqkdA4
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便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCsqNoY39O
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為何要走到這一步？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJC0CeuJoU
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阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc0RPcrjSd
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTB8I5IryTv
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcF8CCFhqe
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「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jzoRyHMhr
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「別倔強。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBMXc5e2xA
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「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWQqFfokPZ
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QlJjE3C3o
「我想你放棄。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURBZcRJF2K
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「原因？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKRSOC2Gpa
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjeBOY9MBM
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「我知道。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThu888xknf
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「何解還要繼續下去？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1rHObJLZe
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSzoeS7lTB
「感情易放難收。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqBs4a5dWn
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsyCgolIKz
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSjKaE4lua
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQG9HiTWXe
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcucBwSlsYy
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架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHERV7AEgq
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhB6mrNCAf
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCDVy51KH5
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我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfO11OqRER
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTtV8DgAoi
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB51CBiU9xh
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRRakPpmE8
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iYY8ZSu5I
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我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAEfZSODTQ
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小醉。半醉。大醉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgvAyJnOvC
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBC1uax5Tu
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeoHwl9aV3
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9l85TodOwC
「直接講我愛他。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf36I8AXZD3
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkyPvgYIXg
「如果他拒絕？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpYIhiUAps
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX02WLsPypS
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDudIM2oyh
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r7pUE0FjV
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxRoAIJZjH
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslF3Dtal46
「我當然是高興！」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqkaev3QLm
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「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApZzmOTh61
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh45VNEtnJS
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JUvU9pCVZ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBciXJFPtM
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEOqYUPrDj
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfc9dqAiAFT
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李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkelDB16oi
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「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F2OB020Dr
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「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5oxgi3e5Q
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlM08xWdYI1
「你仍然單身？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEwtHcpe4p
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「是的。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF4B7iBxaW
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「要我當媒嗎？」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo1AHmgC0f
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「不了。難為情。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHsReNYV2d
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李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYl0Z1Efcb
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我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM52KJqFqNa
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多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ04AAADUsg
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE9mAFc9Zk
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2apj5JvR5U
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回家吧。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtPFj9CZva
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW74U4vN71
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1f1xBKG93
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUHp7iu1Xp
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5a5lQXnRt
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枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9KOpT639C
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大概是一見鍾情吧。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNddiJahCG
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsNzjdwyhu
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaBwhVeGDh
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8H8dowvQ1
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIDLLTMHed
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李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡms2OaJSz1Y
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIijPO8j8MK
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百感交集……206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0On9jcmMOg
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當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsCUu1tL3v
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmq7SBW0Xe
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbrmOVhUc0
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痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQm8GYrl8SY
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTdU4BmMe2
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQquzbzNGz
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbmEC7ImrN
「認得。你是文班的。」206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjM8xudfHA6
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許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEvOtYPq7T
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDWVSEQDSX
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqIhIAXBxX
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAbdr78soH
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gvk8iBAJ6
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bDBwMNvki
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9V5wVLniY8
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksIcZG1gpu
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T7CQ4jp49
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAAlbYVWj3
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9VzWGu1kj
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvONbJD4LGo
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAzmB5SyRv
我哭笑不得。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD0xW0RJ7l
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6uJOCUnJO
無意跟他繼續對話。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH2E9pMLGH
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLbnLffsm9
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaLtspWg3Q
206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGJ4onREIy
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjI1ylnIpya
