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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrNDOmITmJ
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oVy4ymQLv
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY4TSvcJhk
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcghFrNmdtr
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡay5egpskJp
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiGsSTGA91
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrK4s9KQbC
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG2ksZBfgC
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWFRjAKka7
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJdQGsrlZI
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEW6Bb1YZd
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Os0mOYrBK
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt87D3CrEf3
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kfdA9vMqV
Then I cried for what felt like forever.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaEYD7nNdo
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9JTJcYa10
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2ywaHG6W3
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHylEPcfd0j
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAX2AQTFcxy
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaJAZjdmX3
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9xHgjB9qK
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPENwMRxnz8
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFj6QN60S6R
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSOnkwkaS3
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToErj79tjl
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs79qHUuxVH
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg8pTHYq5J
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lUzE8e9Iw
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTkAY0GHEu
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIkGOFJtft
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLVhF2MJlI
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0xyen4OSW
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1l2fnuiDb
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡda3roOkcKQ
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZrcutXtxl
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHDXfNKBSd
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaL3G6c1pvU
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XndhzHYLF
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcpWeaAlSl
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO3Ld5YKSw
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4JsJcrVl8
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsq7gI7ufUi
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwl8vLCZyG1
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vzagRUxHA
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyQFXhqG33
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuGH7KnVrS
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIQxbQIubU
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHC7ioGQwU
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCD1T7z4Hg
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDjz7CYe8m
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRu3h9u2aRD
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwghVehjfgT
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S0p8J6D4a
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7INgMG8glI
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSVZjDutt2
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQsQHVKLoY
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxsL2Pp54d
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IC8rO4VSL
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZUxwoNInc
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VxUzDxuC1
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU50dhClWfK
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVmnJmtrXq
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aifsCq3XR
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gnqW6avCb
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqicSdlVEQa
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXm1sJFMZV
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJCEafwYKh
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRe6NpaXXlN
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxuWArSBqh
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD02Bl6sxMk
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmtPdkutci
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmM82Y54vn
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW48382PWW6
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvhLg10Xk7
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMtGtC33IB
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS3qfA3138
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalTrMWH3tD
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp77sfRtqfB
But that’s another story.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudC3dGARDU
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN9SDfrgiK
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVXAz8I1Ph
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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