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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk8DdHfV0B
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5OiN3O1WI
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdov9YXRlvj
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDqIJYAmph
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvOsGEjo67
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahWnu25NNm
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6DhwpHfOx
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ7yQnJbaI
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9NDSx4RSJ
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkP0vpRUKFb
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kIrTCJ5K8
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEFHH81kpF
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GaXpz82pG
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ueiRCzD8C
Then I cried for what felt like forever.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZv6DffKIF
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzcMBoQcWT
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LtfZ4ZzqM
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPFPb3e50z
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1RjNW3jsC
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIDBQTVwxt
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJbbDBhQb1
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmb1nlcwzI
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5C3dlO9hM
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrwh1SK96u
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqeIPMXQmu
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRT4L4fg01
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiafqBBiHn
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwqCpmlJCV
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECRbUAsT3o
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTI0JvRT1VJ
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTePMVMruhP
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgjL1HVJbk
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXYY6wWn4o
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7SdOaKGZ8
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOBbApA2GS
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTP5xfGNqf1
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7GmmndHK8
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrAOFDowlu
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOjq5djbx5
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF5ogWYrF7
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOAtzqZq6l
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatrgTeXEhP
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9xbmei1wd
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwMdJ8HXAe
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLdPBfsxY2
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZkCbdcUXS
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4iaCKi5xZ
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP2skGe1EX
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dzdGFuIGM
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlopOBUiYHu
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKBR4DEBFL
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kyjEya2tR
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtNOd2rTkJ
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8ks5gsFQV
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFifnkyk5kJ
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TLNvDijBQ
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfhe9gmkWm
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NprLywALu
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMiE3NuE3e
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4vwWYyTsA
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7f6KDi5F3K
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIa7P3T0Zy
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfYrnV1Okq
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgE2dcfIab7
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RzYtO1es9
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtk1gWnai0
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UxqeIoqA3
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzpBsEejzF
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBobGFEvrS
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AMX6Bchoe
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYln0Y6eNP
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4G1zX7gcC
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG5Gij9GbV
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfTX7jhv27
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3UD5CFE59
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IWQtU1Bgt
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48ThCuq5Hn
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRbsHsleAF
But that’s another story.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Uq1fS8aXc
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VDi2JEVNe
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxN7g9mCBo
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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