每次想及那傢伙，他心裡難免生恨。可是恨不了多久，恨意自然而然會被無奈與無力取代，彷彿不曾生起。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBNjPgFUWw
輕嘆一聲。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0XntOs9ta
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9vEw8LXCr
媽媽的身影忽地浮現腦海。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYX5yinrf2
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5Pw2PBFRX
她是個不起眼的女人，普通得他早已忘記那張臉。只記得她怕熱，喜在夏日穿寬鬆短褲散熱，露出一雙細長白腿。他常趁著媽媽在露台忙於晾衫時，從後環抱她的大腿，把滾燙前額緊貼被清風吹得微微發涼的幼滑皮膚上。嘻，消暑妙法。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUPEEHOlkv
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnjP9dDD79
以為這做法可以持續至小學畢業，或是直到他世故成熟得無法繼續假裝天真。誰料媽媽突然拋下一句「感情變淡」，離家出走。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5hV1ZgBVd
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbcBBSWjVb
他反覆思考何謂「感情變淡」。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2yfDHLlvg
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB7OHGZWxr
茫無頭緒，直至那傢伙有意無意向他指出重點：變。「感情」，對媽媽毫不重要，否則她不會狠心如此；「淡」是相對而非絕對，若無經歷過對立的「濃」，「淡」其實不是問題；由濃轉淡的過程稱為「變」，也就是問題癥結所在。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLswzaKkdN
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KXHe8ONAJ
為何會變？如何變？可否不變？362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXYCkhcC71
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALxk5WcfBs
他百思不得其解。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZ5qdaJj9G
再聲輕嘆。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxexXJgaSS1
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHa3TyJJ7wg
阿杰的身影忽地浮現腦海。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlGwXbakPS
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrafkydsuPw
舊同學聚會裡，他和阿杰並肩而坐。昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑，努力尋找共同話題。阿杰唇邊盡是紅酒遊艇名錶，他只記顧商場即將在週末舉行的購物優惠日——妻子叮囑他務必買下保濕精華和優惠裝尿片。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1RFDLYJwc
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVSk7FJvkx
真懷念往時。他與阿杰一起為那些不值一哂的天大課題感到煩惱：學業、夢想、籃球、愛情、人生規劃……後來那傢伙教曉他——一切變幻莫測，根本不由自主。無力與無奈令他深深體會自身的無能。他妒忌，妒忌阿杰仍在那個未醒的夢裡。阿杰察覺到他的妒意，露出一個輕蔑笑容。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIZbC1UhUT
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBw9Y0bGmo
昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑，不再努力尋找共同話題。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fy9t50lOU
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDDsVIZk12
緣起緣滅，不由自主。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cntJINnXq
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAshtReVKRv
既要緣滅，何必緣起？362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIfL5Sh726
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgiFADH2qf
他百思不得其解。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRgMk5q9l3
輕嘆有三。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjN1CO76wZ3
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rpWSTsstI
自己的身影忽地浮現腦海。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQMI4ZPyND
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc5UzLNNf1
身影有前無後。難怪，少有留意自己的背。妻子笑說他背部有七痣，像北斗，可導航。他苦笑，笑自己人生無方向。因為自己看不見北斗？只好抬頭望天。天無星，難打卦。無卦，有掛，掛心的掛。掛甚麼？不知道，總覺得人生缺失了甚麼。甚麼甚麼？不知道，難以言明。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYPeYH4loF
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RQFeUxgCJ
鬱悶。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIRkD2jIQD
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92EzvfagDg
懷念媽媽的腿，想要抱抱。懷念阿杰手中的籃球，想要奪走。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGi8kUcnFG
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEX37OvyMr
去抱！去奪！362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVTcWwN4Uk
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLfBFtDSzk
抱甚麼？腿已不在。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEch6PZfdl
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQUdhGGJ8n
奪甚麼？球已不在。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlyIf0k0Zu
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCc9CqGN0z
為何不在？為何統統不在？362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCUx7jctTc
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9UCkgcWgo
那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUN8WcUMsHb
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgtu8UULVZ
停下來！362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWbDvQiWmE
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQl0Bcw1YX
那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYbIKptlQl
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Itbr5zjz9
慢下來！362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7SxKdDIQF
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGPizlETGR
那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rbh5Z08Jy
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZTnBV9wcq
他只得拼命追趕。走馬看不見花，花開花落馬不知。馬累馬停，他累他停。回頭一望，是天不是地。何時開始背朝天？不肯定，許是拼命追趕期間、忘記自身當刻。竭力抬頭，盡力挺身。不果，只得餘生躬背望地，無法望背望星。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjQZOPPa3n
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflJEda0aP5
孫兒笑問他為何腰背變躬，他答背上擔子過重。孫兒受驚拒絕背負擔子，他說無法選擇，人人不由自主。孫兒再問何解不由自主，他道是變幻莫測之故。孫兒三問為何會變、如何變、可否不變？他答不出話來，淚目凝視孫兒。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5YO4gpOzs
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP95Wwb6txS
昔日的他，今日的孫。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpttAItbohH
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx5CMY2DLB
永劫，輪迴。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tq0gDxkOj
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53Nxucp1SC
不敢思，不求解。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfw7Qivgzpm
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ1P8XiSQn
嘆，嘆，嘆。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkXPnQpp7h
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjkcpLgkpg
孫兒問他是否有煩惱，願為他出謀解決。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDUEwerTcp
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxLlWdXXIt
他搖頭。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6OuwTq3EQ
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9R0Adn21m
深知世人永遠無法解決那傢伙。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》第八十一章362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVPyWwNAEv
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2qwxr8ihv
