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307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDginkxMOrD
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5zRbCIr9S
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3srgsQJLw
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQt9dwlINl
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxyPgazXWd
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76bs1FimNm
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDV8L7z1Gt
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuDV1PnM9Q
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlInpmqIzXY
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIf9mNrGWO
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCdND8nGQA
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64ypTUw3gK
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Fzglm0U3i
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHNhNf4Gjd
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZK09prwBT
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9zJKMFAid
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf5LcwzfYS
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbF84X05rb
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjvreoDBpT
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPfi5p0bHJ
「唉......」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3162pyizO0
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vZN7fVsFA
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsDCKLHCY5
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPjZWIzrdo
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2QKoIhXfh
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZf83TBGYQO
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlp1kFSYv9
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiPwNZIo1a
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7bqxdXd5w
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vjHD3GDpU
「唉......」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72XvmRBARX
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HxNvrOSpT
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE6nbk6h97
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO46Icf7Xty
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbCyrRURCh
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gGOSGEq8J
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0yMwx7mZG
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXoeBkXpsQ
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2n9ZfUfEdg
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWVS7C2ix4
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUraHa4RR4
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKy5z16qjue
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDiho28PJ8
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWoZj7vfTG
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzy9qs3ZXtN
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcKcNytvpd
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85SsAPD06g
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgb1sgi4FA
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMzkkf7Hir
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7ygh498A9
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryXdR2CJuF
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTHqcZ9SMz
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ1sXOVZp6
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1B6Rjvh5Oa
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2BvttJvIu
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrzJIVvSMm
「真的沒發生什麼事。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAHaabEpf6
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrX7eiy4F55
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF6jprdD8I
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX1dQkulhS
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19wJNJ3v9c
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKG6o6AB9j
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZh2sTXl4s
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHbeyB0hYW
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzstpjhX0M2
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5JneVwiyT
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUH1tx5Uhf
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjIz7a56XY
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBIWW2LmKn
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHncbcu47nI
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01xcrC4Zh2
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiePC9q3Jx
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1EMQfqr6C
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7b8x6N2gd
「其他事情？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtQDd8iVsy
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcCHoN7Tnm
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUb80f1rANw
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo8hZtJAIR
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5ydc45t6M
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw8j7yc7pU
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHWxkDsQCD
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5i1ZYkcETL
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPxXHiHEl2
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KSoueKYkp
「哪件事？」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoflQKwcq0s
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNa4m4H2lJ
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1OfWXCNuk
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vj8kanYhG
「妳難道是指——」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhUzHQDBjB
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hmykTCswF
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPk8vOXDuW
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdtZQJTDIJ
「打.苦.鞭。」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvMEG2PPEr
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30e78Qc77k
＊＊＊307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyAf0mCfga
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3UuBw8Bl0
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86feO96vNS
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVU3RzLXSs
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTg39hCa4ws
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhFUDhz4Z6
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI5cUNvHnU
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkCx4tQUAZ
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJIqKjRySW
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8ScpKe4eF
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDdejwRyIp
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsSdqair8R
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3GlE1MUCh
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6IgbIP47u
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl119b1YgeB
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuhalOsGlS
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Mr1yrd9DX
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImnbrXc4G7
「哼嗯......」307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwI2vVMwTK8
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJwkmZFH1R
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR45CCLuK5p
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUYcVb2caw
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAgrS2dlHY
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvv1MD15Wn
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1WeXHRIxk
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5YDAPYncQ
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXNqtQSBxQ
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76Wjdj9Jqd
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNV0bZvjjG
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4qBwiJOwa
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKJspiKaGy
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RaDAm4uVx
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodKYUH5mdb
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rsCrk3W09
只要鞭打得更用力......307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy4xoTJDzn
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC012tsZ4rf
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99cqK8bW7m
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDE8BULWb7
讓身體更痛......307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYDqxyThQ4
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsBjCqfhCP
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw6Xrb0YCP
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACzgIMKJme
就能夠忘卻一切......307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzwPUk2UwR
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbdhxdZKX3
咻——307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalkJItG7lf
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDKlz97P0k
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVHtCo2SLe
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvl7QsroSKO
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXhKjhKgb4
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RodFWSxcs
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyiWw9tURr
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCAHzYvUW9
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAgExpPkUI
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK8aGXdF09
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwduYwlL4jO
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczLhGIei4u
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p6c7rdmAj
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45uuSStAn9
咻——劈啪！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzD3zkAMQSR
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHfvFt5wrN
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HNZChl9zG
307Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeDd9jbaCU
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
