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325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8v50rQi0E3
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyUOVR4vlu
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMxWj22VxL
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxslSUNkyiI
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6tClzqybv
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4589D6RZ4e
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2MQGXuR4d
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfFUobfaNG
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkgN3N4MBZ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2VsOLqNDB
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5AX9gig5O
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8ZZ3ltNMg
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLdAyWVb7w
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVo2bZ0S7j
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDz1oYVBd83
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tTVenCM4a
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0uFK9CVTs
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksAqoVFPzL
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEAIGmonTt
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo1LAEgxWl
「唉......」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MpWcE8na2
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGcxJBofML
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVAfrUVbPL
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnmKbhsRkH
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rF5RX2k50
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ak5IKGjju
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXglnPgP7Ga
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJl1Oo662IO
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoL7EVShbNh
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhknimqPjY
「唉......」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9pMH5g8z9
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlTnuJGoog
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUGbb0VK8j
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuNZ3kAbeD
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYNdad4lxb
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhdaysd5cH
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5V4gK4FCk
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhKQqOSP6S
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmupmQWN6Ck
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2WXUHepMb
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBnYnYDa8F
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjHohvmnyA
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xkbsvqw9b
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd39K73RP2n
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRDtvqWuc2
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8uGixU1if
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzcsFXMoHJ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZHfbr8j1r
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXsLOyDf7q
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlCrnT0K9d
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW31Mmg7j5X
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9y2G7pUyrG
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0Mi6Qg92Z
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO6DKVGhOy
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJbs7aGlNr
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpO3p2hMOgl
「真的沒發生什麼事。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Lcj2eNrUE
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ05OP8TsUE
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2WBlDIOlp
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiuDgpmwJC
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTl9Y5062wp
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqjY9tAjLF
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W9VdLZNAI
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIYwkP0YnD
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGy2U8lmqy
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPnarPyji5
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8uVdeztAC
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P6aCqcWur
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUtW7prRPI
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLPeX9mx9V
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeD0Brc5uK
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNe4ecYupW
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTTMWAkQy3
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzQxtdKl15
「其他事情？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESpzAUhTIW
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmmxS7L8rG
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHogZcsriV
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvmvsiA7xz
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MTmZfGP4A
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKQEGHghG6
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgpuKPql9t
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdIXqLyLbT
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngVjD5k2et
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKr4VOeJuL
「哪件事？」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jY06ug2m6
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHNLDJqpwG
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbLgjwTRBJ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDND0N0VlH
「妳難道是指——」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkfYTxbEuu
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23P6hwYORw
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRUJY1sKp4
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUS9qG6M5HO
「打.苦.鞭。」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLMpvvu2LG
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4MBgRLZdW
＊＊＊325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAjPPOIpgT
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5VGshM8cI
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAserc5nZm0
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEh9v8lN9Q
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gzUBtQUur
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lWUu2nKlG
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndVWsiY4Gt
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcbZXGSZC3
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjLDLnDxbm
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCb3rssqUR
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsTcu0Sa5B
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NRphYEiX1
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLxEAubrKQ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ678tFLDPob
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q8KD6kiAV
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc7lnl58QE
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2McQlzSA1Z
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTkPtekicn
「哼嗯......」325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRGy9mNLMQ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iyxu881y7
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxkUdwCCXW
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgYiMPfPYJ
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hIdkH5L7I
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1GZx8kgdc
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfFMlmz9jh
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLlJDQrvXz
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EfUQLfSNv
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCssPyVJXmZ
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQBrcqUzfQ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtkOJOu8Fi
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDTtmfrqlt
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk06QehU2Tf
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9bhoHbTcb
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSedMXP2WGE
只要鞭打得更用力......325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglXFdM5cw9
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2QI3jW7ZN
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WKDyDz64q
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpPSdXeGJy
讓身體更痛......325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWoHrzvEK5
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTB1IpTe7I
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nw8IOlyuK
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtwMjG9VfO
就能夠忘卻一切......325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2HWGZfrJg
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPH8mtsqWL
咻——325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVHyOzqpw6
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQMMYm8SV1
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfDzhxokxl
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaruxNylxXc
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPkkSvsmA4
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX1vaD945q
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WJIiep4PM
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2JtTJOgMd
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzdq533ak7
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oHC86mNd5
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZj1nsVmH6
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWLbnu5p7g
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7nAASdsCy
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvGZSQE0Dh
咻——劈啪！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh98xwq3ucW
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPN6M4dBY0
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpUQmn6cui
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWh4L1yxMa
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
