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316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmeDkzo0CP
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhYPkx0IBR
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK3cstoMK1
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBBRWSzXJe
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rudGSNXp2
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FWFJk7wQK
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNb3N6R9KaY
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpdmNvC0XG
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEneuFuCxmD
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZh5R7aqA3
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJVtbJIP2I
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNclSQ0MUS
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafDcQyEryU
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDBRCCVruU
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FgriFEq4v
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGVaFUlL1A
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gesR61rPO
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABA8sdFNsr
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmV4PcoQYi
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2KWwWjnOY
「唉......」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGAQQHYEYx
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlFstJ1vJ7
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD9xuTAuXJ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cYrqAdZQc
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPvc1dsf8G
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2R4w5GWyM
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdJVc34gGj
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv4gKY302N
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sdaCFnYFp
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCOdN2SBaD
「唉......」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyh6XVGPSdh
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBR1FDUNK0
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBj7LmQnVh
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UCXay4VEk
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhIsDJSaJC
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzC57OEr1uv
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oS5uWJugH
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6VWSLgBaN
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghHP2fvBFN
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFARDcXKhg
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1AVqpIU8A
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJoZXjX04F
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF2ItTFi30
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlw1vcPXA1
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWhOHlEef1
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstqbKr5HpQ
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoU6Q4xGTJ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaaiVgZLQ3
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFo6p5Joeu
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBrLR5DXOI
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8fw4KWK2V
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtZIgZuicA
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7EHSpgzSZ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNDBIzPChX
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B4K1EdG75
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIRJioQu3y
「真的沒發生什麼事。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI8F1MeInF
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBX8VVDT1k
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNBGylAAhL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzz64Z5i2FS
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3So9ZMb5Dz
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXzgCwkK4H
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvV2N59Y8B
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFWZZuLTKX
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ416ECiVrBn
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNW2SbJnQu
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDgvJGrnQe
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElidZuslhm
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewkTXyPAXO
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEBNzzRhUS
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmoqDPfsAg
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrD3GFCy0Q
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSkBR4l2ti
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBD3gix5LJ
「其他事情？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW453OEGqza
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dV9qYmzf3
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorik2W66v2
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuCtLUOq1z
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlXT6AXzRy
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqAyM88AI9
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEujtvR26hK
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfT7przNxu
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7bAQGJjhZ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYxnfnhFwc
「哪件事？」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdfYBpPuG4
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigH8gNYAHv
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HSpprXyel
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAsrHRS9TK
「妳難道是指——」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMg9G53A0W4
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQa89aBd0y
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MbWoewk0S
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPsBDDhSB1
「打.苦.鞭。」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJ4sQ1rt6t
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86ZwOmOHv5
＊＊＊316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqpNrfW09j
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo6zLr2aJ4
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8AF59w1On
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugeESis8a6
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8PWfF3DyW
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTt4HflUF1
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ1O7DDSOo
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeLoy9SXMx
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5aCxIcbdM
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSWSXFf0mF
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LZucI67tG
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Hah5OPEKX
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90B3heIoDu
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQHoT1yz3V
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgvqyhfIvQ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuzpRh8aKZ
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3brZv2dJd
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdR9NEcXH3
「哼嗯......」316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJ3OuoTBuk
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j85sOUCvd
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWVLdOrsl5
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnH2YfJ61xZ
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfwux3OeGO
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcNuRuRHH4
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXT1YFQ07w
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3rnwl4cki
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcixJqZO03B
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwU6xP50xu
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhvfq3o7gZ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3ZIAqUDzU
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4sehLeqsz
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5LprN6hJO
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBwmh0gsFF
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KtXXAF4oD
只要鞭打得更用力......316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsXMwYf4x9
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof7LUZSYxh
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5tR4d50II
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHoE6PWgdC
讓身體更痛......316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxYBVNHQWo
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwfRS1vPK4
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6m5drTcH6
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkd6y8dc3Z
就能夠忘卻一切......316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e27A4uQPj
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrafbFvpSkZ
咻——316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUfdyWm3qQ
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ywc3MfGBK
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGBIoQkdoz
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DAmOsHAvS
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfB7NfcTDG
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVh5fHT5OP
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRaAytXOrc
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88OXAQWTWo
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7aGNNxt96
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMBVDoySxw
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeH46x7tUf
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡij8xFdXSht
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSAsI8lpPj
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGOXH4am67
咻——劈啪！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJTFaGqWa5
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOSfzDg6I1
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kfcV9eZAL
316Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dPXkCEnGA
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
