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317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGDHWd9IKG
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIs8FXeoYpm
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoYVsWUYz8
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCJm0l9EnJ
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8sJqDHbdg
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiN2maJArL
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc6IpV4JBo
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhjITm83eA
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9Ou40n45V
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJomB2HneK
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc5NEL2g71
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiWQ1KgtfI
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUj0VqQcpn
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFI4Ydg7B7Y
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ2Py39DNW
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3c1ZXZfuU
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0x8KFVYMA
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKbB9mFvjn
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknmrEMKORo
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRduLsUZs8
「唉......」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74JG7aCVPX
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTfUVJILSs
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmeb3cRw7A
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIJSE3nfOk
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fslSzFriW
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTc2WZBF00
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOOC0s4Qax
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXf8uHnzJT
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTzsbkmMX8
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ebHBNbMpu
「唉......」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9W8YOsyMC
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVk3BTh2DKV
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXUu9qn44w
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPAaY7EimX
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyV5mCwTced
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWM2lbwRVQ
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVytle72TmD
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8FJqA5GXB
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1GEXgsxJE
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7UWrlC6bk
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbdBQTaCCI
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua6s1fkTUH
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPHt6fRptU
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn26DtR4qk1
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4qy3RzM08
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15dCw3afcH
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22jMWVFKbl
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii8oiektGc
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdpcd7y3lK
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k3pm6FM65
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Jb84QHurX
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGKorXHJMH
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkcqWhKWq6
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU5eCHA3Dy
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb1fkGF1jJ
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaTYTvUsIu
「真的沒發生什麼事。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZG1PDeepn
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4d1XLGASp
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxyXTWDPSb
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMoWbiPsI5
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWmGWPuA1n
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ablhLq701
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75zTuL6fgc
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluDMlbkA1u
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUWISu0tQe
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LQnRndlUK
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jpcDjCAEy
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS2CGkqyFO
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQeKnvTZEZ
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMPhEjU4Dv
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxBXnVKbkT
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm3TARqptK
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGqEza9HiJ
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrMU0cw3mJ
「其他事情？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnhwLcoQvT
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnLMCzukhT
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBjFla42iv
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzO7liB5RXz
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtPCB3302d
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFocXDIn7Z
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtQ9jT7v5w
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RFf9PQgzt
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X9NMV8hGk
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWTB7z8TJj
「哪件事？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1Q1iNF97g
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCzOiCVNEa
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBi6sROsFBM
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gQwjJGfoc
「妳難道是指——」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRKLRXw4Cw
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNnn3JdHlu
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP6Kw7Vki6
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38lskLG009
「打.苦.鞭。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYRe0tPe90
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENgYrCV6be
＊＊＊317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXThoVHtKPH
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAT8u3nJ4qv
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkP8JTdNEcM
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxCWcUYafh
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6T1b2QP77
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPObNuf4ei6
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLroxJyYiiB
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEfTcxGfuY
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSI5AoP2lo
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5ki53uBMF
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkpQRXrzQC
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndrNic9Uct
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpjLSGfv8o
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQe2SK9kRA
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfVYR9CPCa
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgL73nmldI
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDc3hEzmEG9
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGj0AlZOM3
「哼嗯......」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMZMN8j9AY
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0h2hkxDrg
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Waga0bOD9
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBbZ047ZmG
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHoEDbPEIO
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4TLuJsba0
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqAWMkSkIv
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAGeyurVc9
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQ6KjBolf8
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWiSbrZWXc
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bDE4d2fVa
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqaN851Oef
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWMljodPEL
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ130ypfnhbU
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrNeQtGQkK
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIFz6Yuk2W
只要鞭打得更用力......317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fnKIOxadl
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtHVI9ryxO
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1AZye1k15
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ezJkZfehu
讓身體更痛......317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLQ4pAujYE
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DgD7s3AVv
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKGOWgCemT
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RPlSy2JTp
就能夠忘卻一切......317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCp57SSjnN
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqFC8OPh06
咻——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEji6dVkko
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTwnNBoqoQ
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXA7DaCuI0
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1xbGYjqn1
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDA2DqoxTk
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6KpvFaqIR
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLNb6wncz0
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8i6ORQN35
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMH6FRYysqX
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NHIi3xrW9
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQA50dczLzR
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpkqZdQ9Pr
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t6IgVqXYh
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEs7z6vLvu
咻——劈啪！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywGgmiVKon
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNWcEDNbj1
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLnCivX7Eh
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7dTOXI2Er
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
