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牠仍在瞪著我。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4YB0Qzsdb
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbYMUXF8WG
我知道自己不該為此生起恐懼，但還是不自已別過臉去。太遲。那失去神采的眼眸已然烙印在我的腦海裡，揮之不去。微濁的眼白和無焦點的黑瞳依然瞪著我。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSzoxI7wJg
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiV8qozR4D
抵不住。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKE2khP7Vj
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwQVoxm850
痠軟痺感從腰背間生起，往上延伸，直達後腦勺。頭皮下的肌肉微微抽搐，有如海浪一波又一波地翻騰著，甚有節奏地拍打那森白髗骨，向脆弱的大腦求救——怎麼辦？怎麼辦！281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuxlEMzfWq
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaJgGjhLDW
滿腔灼熱縈迴不散。毛孔卻被莫名的寒意不斷刺激，紛紛收縮，豎起毛髮。冷熱相煎下，我突感暈眩，瞬間失去重心，整個人跌倒地上。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuk5dhPLZ1
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBL2AIgSKD
不行！要休息！281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEOrTmFVWb
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhuatPDlu5
我或爬或蠕到客廳去。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaq7JRLWgj
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqIkoeNL2l
矇矓間，我在梳化上昏睡過去。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2d8pxCB9Kb
醒來。天色已黑，慘白色的戶外廣告照明燈光穿透窗戶玻璃滲入屋內。整個客廳黑一片、白一片，徹底從眩目的彩色世界分割出來。四周寧靜得可怕。耳朵彷彿失去功用，聽不見任何聲響。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dNdkIZhvB
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPM7RC1DarH
不，隱約聽到廚房傳來的滴水聲。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIfTy6MChK
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03ntZ6Ch8H
滴、滴、滴、滴、滴……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoxa9OPE9Y
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1Dt1Lp0av
我再次想起牠——那條死不瞑目的魚。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2zO97Zg87
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw7uAUnNgY
今早逛街市經過魚檔時，我看見死翹翹的牠，無意間與牠的目光對上。頃刻間，身邊的人事物統統淪為背景雜音——全世界只剩我和牠。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzFNCexPtX
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU43xKOiwpx
明知道魚是沒有眼皮，無論是活是死，牠的雙眼只得圓睜著。但我感覺到牠是有意識地瞪著我，牠是衝著我而來到這海鮮檔，牠是為了與我獨處而冒死離開海洋。我必須回應牠對我的渴求，絕不可辜負牠！281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpAkfstwYc
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaswB5fWze
我匆匆買下這條顯然不新鮮的魚……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3sxeWcM1S
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcY96k7s2gR
滴、滴、滴、滴、滴……是盛夏的炎熱令我生起錯覺嗎？也許吧。不論原因為何，我總得要處理牠，至少要將牠放入垃圾袋裡，趕在清潔女工收集垃圾前丟出屋外。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7annGAV9sQ
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNvV9dXWQi
廚門框前，我停下腳步。沒有預想中的噁心腐臭，甚至是嗅不出絲毫魚腥。我多走幾步，發現本該在洗滌盆的牠已然失去蹤影。百思不得其解之際，一絲熱風自窗入屋，吹過我的臉。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wblGTRjGo
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmp8rEqiqq
難道是經過的猛禽或老鼠叼走了牠？281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2tx2H16tC
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPTitrW6S8
我鬆一口氣，繃緊的眉頭終於重歸平順。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDisAXS58kj
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JknT4qh4C
「你在找我麼？」一道不男不女的微弱嗓音倏忽從後傳來。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaoPwe28Tf
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TVHzMhlkR
我回頭望向廚門——281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnReTakrDi
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOFLYp89f6
眼！巨型魚眼正隔著廚門框瞪著我！黑瞳的直徑剛好是門框通道的闊度，瞳的上方和下方是折射著異樣彩光的眼白。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvy4lZ0ANP
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbDIv2IgDH
我的腦袋不聽使喚，不斷推測和想像魚頭的大小和魚身的長度，間接將恐懼推向高峰。尖叫聲已然離開聲帶和喉嚨，快要脫唇而出之際，多條觸手從魚眼黑瞳中央高速迎面伸來，掩著我的嘴巴，緊纏我的四肢和頸項，將我整個人提起至半空。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbFzuUtQII
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMd4U8XFi8
沒有被衣物覆蓋的皮膚與觸手緊貼著，再不願意亦沒能無視它們的質感，潺滑、柔韌。半透明的烏亮表層下，是紫黑色的血管，或粗或幼的。血管壁規律地起伏不停，有如心臟跳動那樣。噗、噗、噗、噗、噗……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L7X992AwR
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4TO6GxbdL
我嚇得快要昏厥，兩個鼻孔本能地粗喘著，務求腦袋保持清醒。經過血液的運送，氧氣到達心臟之處。噗、噗、噗、噗、噗……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpoRyJUOcO
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL4SXPkO39
頭腦稍為清醒之際，我發現自己和觸手的心律節奏竟然同步起來。噗、噗、噗、噗、噗……是巧合？281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzbhRwZgtp
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiss7Zer4e7
「世上沒有巧合之事。一切皆有因果循環。」嗓音淡然回應。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcyhF29gIG
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdMb6IGBkq
我聞言感到釋懷——原來是自己作的孽，並非無故飛來橫禍。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyQn8LK5k8
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NgjMfQiVx
「來吧，該是時候償還你欠『我們』的。」281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxcwh0O5XK
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0thMSmQN8g
更多觸手從黑瞳伸出，沿著我的腳踭、小腿、大腿以蜻蜓點水之姿往上爬……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyC6ccFSJIs
猛然醒來。天邊泛起魚肚白，是月落日出的曖昧時分。不明不白不清不楚，鬱悶的，壓抑的。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0T2OUam64
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrViKwrBm3G
頭很痛，像是撞傷的後遺，亦似是徹夜受風吹後的赤痛。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeI2q7KDwyc
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF89lGmSLx
昨夜發生過甚麼事？我怎會在廚房地面睡著？281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkr1uRShgd
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rDwibS6i7
也許是昏倒——我哭笑難辨。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpqaFQ35vi
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDrvbi6E1Z
應該是昏倒——我竭力催眠自己。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbBdTo5cqm
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0I1FV3eJa
肯定是昏倒——我被恐怖巨魚侵犯僅是惡夢一場。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPT1F2moKn
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAnJSSMdSq
我雙掌按地，勉力撐起身體，無視下體的痛楚，緩緩步出廚房。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQZk9Gnyyq
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhFaVo9NFp
沐浴更衣，乘搭鐵路上學去。繁忙時段，人如鯽，擠在罐頭一樣的車廂裡，隨著運輸軌被分發到各地去。妻離子散，各在一方。活下去，活不下去。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2e011z5Kpr
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HILXK8j8U
誰在乎？我在乎！掛念，怨恨，復仇。合情合理……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DRLGNlDnR
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGx0KIrtN2S
旁人紛紛掩鼻後退，彷彿我是惡臭來源。不。不是「彷彿」，而是千真萬確：我也嗅到自身散發出來的濃烈魚腥味。但我站在原地，佯裝一切安好，繼續舉手拉著吊環扶手對窗發呆。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8QJPaIm9o
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nAqWJSqEW
景物匆匆由右至左掠過，消失速度快得兒戲。像我的父母，逝去匆匆。他們都是漁民，乾癟黑瘦，混身一股天然海風鹹香。某天他們出海打魚，再也沒有回來。我明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有流淚……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIAXBrxBdx
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqdCVj2yDX
旁人在列車停站時爭先恐後奪門而出，只剩我一人愣在車廂裡。我知道他們為何驚恐——我的腹部在短短半分鐘內鼓脹得把裙子撐爆了，露出佈滿紫黑血管的肚皮。如果內裡的是人類嬰兒，我相信是四個並排著的胖白小娃。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wsQFjtVw7
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1d8C8d7AE
父母失蹤後，兄姐將我送到大城市升學，待我畢業後回鄉幫忙打理父母遺下來的漁業生意。我一直期待學成回鄉與兄姐團聚，誰料一年前他們相繼失蹤……281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEvm99L9g8
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVLlKbchBm
半透明羊水沿著我的腿往下滴流。我沒有驚恐，反倒覺得自然——生孩子，有多稀奇？我冷靜躺在地面，張開雙腿，操控下體肌肉，使勁將孩子們推出來。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrUgcVu5Jw
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGADvFZ1v9
一分鐘？兩分鐘？五分鐘？十分鐘？抑或是更多？281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNzwpaZyGj
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu1jW0bsuV
怎麼時間如此難過？281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNkFsItqBs
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8HFwMXyMb
我的意識開始迷糊，無法集中精神操控身體，身體彷彿不屬於我。漸漸地，我感覺不了雙腿的存在……不。我該說「我感覺不了『雙』腿的存在」。兩腿如一體，沒能光是移動左腿或右腿，痛會一併痛，放鬆時會一起放鬆。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuJLpcaH2p
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iFV5Hdqd5
我意識到有甚麼特別狀況已然發生在我身上，但我最在意的並不是自己，而是孩子們能否順利由子宮口離開。不過我後來知道自己多慮了：孩子們都是聰慧的，懂得自行另覓出路。肚皮不再撐得鼓鼓的，孩子們在我體內各處游來游去。部分性急的橫衝直撞，搶先撐開我的嘴唇衝出來。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRo3gUKnL4b
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzhWbR8qjX
啪啪啪啪啪——啪啪啪——啪啪——孩子們竭力扭動身體，猛力拍打地面，以頻密而微弱的拍擊聲代替哭喊聲。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fPDPKm737
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdROxB8PUdH
不消數秒，更多孩子自我七孔魚貫而出。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzgMpROT4K
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRj9yR7eQU
啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪——是鼓掌歡呼聲！孩子們在感謝我的犧牲！281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKevrUncQLi
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHdLUVmtES
「只要漁民死光了，海裡的孩子們活下去的機會就更大！」281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5xnpCScn1
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomBKUE3DHr
我感動得流出眼淚來：生命真奇妙！281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL4tmNK5hA
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SOPT34sVO
啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪啪——啪啪啪啪啪——啪啪啪——啪啪——啪——掌聲冉退，黑暗襲來。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvGULfIIXA
281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHftSk8YUv
我原以為自己累得合上了眼睛，誰料在最後一刻我才發現自己早已沒有眼皮。281Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZ6w9aZjBj
註：此文另收錄於《雜念集》。如有犯規，請通知，會刪文。
ns3.17.145.236da2
