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第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXGl1cpV5F
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNzI2c6hIE
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還沒有學會「接受」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqgHvq9a4h
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接受現實436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hlp2VUhxs
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因為認為是屈服436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfTv2mmuZf
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感覺好像自己在投降436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5D3T9k7huh
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放棄一切436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEFOScp4GL
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInmDEZfZyA
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJu0q4fWea
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認為是這樣子的狂妄436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC7vUE6qZp
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無他436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRIRiKZhoH
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說是愚痴也不過份436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDQ9wvbNcL
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只是她不相信436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xs5Svp0q8
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懷疑436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHungbdhuAZ
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她⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGRalOZib8
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「⋯⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ605ALSfOxz
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqyzUCfh0a
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單單是想像也有夠不安436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0wYic02ka
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOeFbkTPiT
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPArqgL0MEZ
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唯一句436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dyA7oFXpP
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當局者迷，旁觀者清436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNczHjfybX
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcs7Jh8Yfd
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwztD0qb7Ko
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——————436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ988FdqhPc7
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3M5ir4cTp
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且不死，無法殺死436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV94Aamezw1
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——————436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YOw7ucxFZ
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人家已經很盡力了436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVzfzNH5yM
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMJy2gBXEK
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憤怒436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqdo8Iq4Ug
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uUOakVZ4J
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因為我沒有用436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHppYudreaP
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHPt3e2Arw
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRLhuZkrzP
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26x6Ua6lGB
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZegZDzQJe
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQErTqmMKAC
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwGw0WNTGz
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99Qwg7yN2a
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MsLEyPsqD
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXw6LBLis6
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOhNX0ixn9
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sf3W1EIkX
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7VqrTvSoS
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已經失眠了多久？436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMa56NpgmYO
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFzbVxbcuG
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgmlLKQTyA
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqheYPhtkr4
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWP3vCRjix6
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYyhBS3Esl
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxFl3qhI2G
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS0Djx86a1
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6P9jIDVCFz
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdSLKNeJLr
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyCf8pH6My
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9fWhAqjuS
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——呀？
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嗯？436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1tBE1PVvc
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5M1D7zdf2
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiGGC54lPY
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUW5Uh9WR5
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqPyahrTb3
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07FX43Rqm1
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFB2R9b9LF
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4rhtOh3Fx
我也想活下去
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRgy1aVTad
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutZI4iXVMH
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWDBMyWKaT
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJEgC9dhiC
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvFQuqeQXU
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ91bGJCfc
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMi0m105Yq
或是說，我不希望⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRn4HIZgFw
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDIzL1Mgga
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaCFOrI9Dy
⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0NLIdTBNn
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQam6hLKmW
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapPdlAh7GU
對不起436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVvrjjDx5E
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXbj5dNghX
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ131VkY2Lv9
我也希望自己⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvGavbcCIU
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi9nOWu0YT
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGE8DWTMhZd
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAE4QuWSeW
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhYShHSkOO
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhARzT3uRdY
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvIpOGUL6M
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpTINozLcd
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcWvnuC2H0
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL4InGD4lE
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AfYpQC352
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYk1n3HrQM
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvdPOKkM4n
「⋯⋯嗯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A8rkwJyzE
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF7hQkRQnl
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQ4ZdAM7yz
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkTMbWipMk
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUthnOS9XK
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQpWRwJxzy
「⋯⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6NESxLjxb
「真的」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qOpsyYdKM
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9v5Ca4W1u
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0ykTDQH4r
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZg7G851J4Q
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSRb4wfKbX
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E2Pf02AKH
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQvRlRqd4W
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0Ds9oB97f
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6o9cdjVmux
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEueAaR2rot
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq9WjhVVOM
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZsCzu7NnV
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnDstO7Q2W
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlrtrkQ0Hh
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV3774uJan
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5dYFmysHb
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRO5VfQwjL
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCchDgRrwG
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTldZECUtpp
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRutXAceqf3
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpVS9STnqL
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjEe1jqh5o
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4nZslAFHb
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbx33hZjfX
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkEZxsQJM0
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27ZHkMeuqw
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kpMFcfPlw
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUgGofg0Wt
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkGUXxs1XU
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxZoonG7bw
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2Ltb7k8Ge
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmMjWe3AWN
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr8bGnzHW8
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXRUdg5m34
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2Ph05ggAO
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoc8YuNrff
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpvZ7j8eqf
最後一記，最強烈
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436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgm9ygesdUt
「⋯哈啊⋯」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxv3XijZoM
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13PEIVXImm
鬆口，直至其手到胸口436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YomIeB8Eb
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FVpu0pkHm
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2ZCdh6LfJ
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
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436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0ip12vWB7
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcR1AqPvKaF
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiaLP1qbFX
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVRFvR1PeZ
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1R2fm1tM8
「⋯啊？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S3W7bUUYN
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISiN2bvGyp
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIabNbOEpjC
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1831vPIbsu
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GP6586JoR
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJXfNghhWD
「等、等等」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbL9JX9JOge
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDwpXLGslF
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlk1hW04y7
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IIBOooINT
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzOVo6zCgu
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCU0VNrqp0
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVz7W1g4sbH
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQgB8siREV
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTAqaOGWRm
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRyOVsyWX5
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DWQuMZn0j
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubPS2kq3Sg
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag8xSowApD
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMXMkfO3oE
好痛
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUktOTyy6cx
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIyUt3jcfQ
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5x8hso97C
但會有人在意嗎？
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436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUzVv61iQa
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOyhU8CNOQ
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Fgoeum4Kg
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlxwebFqVL
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlnVgeLEiW
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsE7JnUtAm
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9db0gAPeES
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C5QrpU9BI
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC4x6FNKYh
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYZaZDMbY7
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4PKKlAIqc
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0btBoPgBs
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAfATo5AWo
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B1QjVw39k
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJxkdaDnaf
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BFmz4cO7I
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4cnU7XISb
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4XVOxERII
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJhHdTL3F5
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTvhhtdl6n
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerm9ubaBXg
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgznm3xEgM3
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBVxhqjyPA
比較下，條件不由自己定
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8yAvghANY
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLEcPJ4x38
我沒有選擇權436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEBRZ8BLWg
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMb6H0iyUu
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkuFtlunGx
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnlK0siCAp
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRgdLJiMAf
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9q4Fm5yPd
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDVxMl01FP
明白嗎？436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbukfwt9oQ
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY76K5dk8sZ
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3kdIsbh2g
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP34aAw7Wt
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlAdUhwrVN
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNgtwChLZL
若世界更溫柔的話——
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436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmTw9itlNO
不可能436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMri6r7FiF
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fdbbBAkh1
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSRusSjMY6
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnoFv89FsT
什麼也沒有436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDRoh7oFId
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WqohhkPkA
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5Zjeeudbp
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2cSTMoJiM
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHT8jUfRyAF
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQljYgLAjT2
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQNQ3kFrMn
當然436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgU4ygWbfh
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCKpQ7kX1V
絕對
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR2QjM6sUj
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEdr8Zhazy
不想436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxASw8n3JEj
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbU35XXfYF
但始終，真的太辛苦了436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rL01Dfnav
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs5nAnUN1v
⋯⋯436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiI05SBdIWG
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjJY7R6lWm
思考真的太辛苦了436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulbTGKqgoW
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ztp4Y5IxE
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6jd8aXRU4
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpumasWFor
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLggDVcqjq
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2frEA5l8Xl
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd44CRA6Al
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffqrkGbbDK
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUti9jPKas
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPhJCnnXb0
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRdeeiSA8u
「⋯⋯對不起」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoLNQ8L5Jy
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiWkUw7p0u
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIZfoks4Ar
「嗯⋯」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiff3dR7E5
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLSjaAG45J
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRbxb7X4xe
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡan17K7ipAv
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiurKVRjCnx
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakZcZEEkoE
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiz5WInWPn
「忠誠致赤雨之日」436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QMTPjsqti
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Rxt8CSL93
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwl5SynFQc
女孩說道
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o1y91zwfR
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTv8xSWG0cm
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQoEPOmhrB
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4paMuO5Fj
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCNOMleILz
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDzSjKYKmf
是女孩的指示436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79risUrTIr
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAnvOMZErg
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzA9YbpPiZt
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLQ2bskqV3
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlyn9w5GQJ
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yI4lhkcHI
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaRi8tiebQ
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeylHblD8O
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEwDMi9cE7
直至最後能看見的——436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsctJqo3qap
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetcoYzjo74
也不存在
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgIo6OnQO9
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydVT7WLY49
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrDezQJAlW
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGV1qBBrCxS
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoRMXe6XrG
但無法辨認436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWNzbaUvVI
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLhBsTx2nL
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEwS7yFRAc
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9dgdZRyPR
黑暗將自己包圍436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtWJNCQ09i
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j9yOt6skw
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioZKcVv2U3
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uLoo24xcN
不知多久了436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Scxe3y1mu
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiqUeLWrBu
在那時開始436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrg6AoKX8H
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjlbPwU0R4
那裏436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ06NoFXnlJ
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiLcqrh5qd
但有些事情〇〇
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoSEHtvJRR
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSds9FCF35Y
〇〇〇436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs85JVhOEB4
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkn8HbZ0aM
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoHYDUtz5j
〇〇〇〇〇〇436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ6vbWPNsm
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdYw7qImzn
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHbt2i1ZMk
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk6ciNHw6M
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCwbTBUCco
現在不是你的回合436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbeU49EbKy
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvQqlEvQPS
436Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLKkg4UbM3
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