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第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1h9xV9rbc
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzciGDi17cG
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還沒有學會「接受」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXJLHp54id
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接受現實485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrf5dwpAtwb
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因為認為是屈服485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfygGQoHUy
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感覺好像自己在投降485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVE5Iw4W2Hw
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放棄一切485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyEImVJY1D
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6Uc6XmZKj
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN7vnW3bQY
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認為是這樣子的狂妄485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3noBWE7zD1
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無他485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPn7560ROH
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說是愚痴也不過份485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVnMbAe9uC
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只是她不相信485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEZDOxwh9k
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懷疑485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ASotiVr5s
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她⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyctQ7wqzLt
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「⋯⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxRuYCqXn5
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDEYTMm7Ed
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單單是想像也有夠不安485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIphswV3iE
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjasKgWt7Re
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98GvPXWXUV
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唯一句485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5IhtGGOYw
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當局者迷，旁觀者清485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9NqpL1hOd
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHpqwspIq4
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0hMxsyUtN
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBYik7sHg3
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且不死，無法殺死485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xsfyUzS78
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——————485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BjD5VA5PG
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人家已經很盡力了485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGKo68GuDo
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAslVj82hp
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憤怒485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgA107lvQUT
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAJKWDphzx
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因為我沒有用485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjk0Kxm9nee
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBcoN9RLpY
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtzrQczpZp
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCi2VYCMPo
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EfoBT8p5A
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpObCXsUUU
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpG013FX8wk
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveIwy1KAOq
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghgZ8pyQNp
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY40Yb4UXIu
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY7EHd9ApS
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qWgKYtm80
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuHuktMFUT
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已經失眠了多久？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMsLQfCnDd
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOBgLCIcMN
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJwpUX2HGH
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLZo65wfw7
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsK0l9O5njn
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamYLXp3nPx
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcwotbA0qw
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrtdA61HXD
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtwHTH4A6I
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzbcgdlbM4
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBpOQ9e1UR
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5VvSuFMcb
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——呀？
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嗯？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vgKDOHs0l
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcCTz6Iy1j
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3ZGzoVGmp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWNi6yqSjN
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pflO8BBTR
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIHEbaGQu5
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEiti5Cv4P
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegrDwBCAAF
我也想活下去
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUwkuoBBiZ
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAl6DgvKhW
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXOVX0PlIP
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
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一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWu0h37lZLq
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLFaVViSep
或是說，我不希望⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGxHsnt1ep
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⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb5ynNlqrv
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對不起485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKXVSJGiXG
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uIl7qPrOR
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZcCXsZAgH
我也希望自己⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0wC9OwvYa
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyJkuuIfId
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpQc9U8a4A
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0YTG8AByJ
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzPOy5OHMp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp72oWwD9g
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDTKo0OpK9
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTY0zWkjpsU
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspwCruyDh2
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AqOfmIjJj
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJC9M89MWBC
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqezQsZDHg
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwUdzZax9U
「⋯⋯嗯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWoA44TVYB
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45aH6nLwGG
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOIYjrJaVn
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeAMQHEQBz
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjBYf2LMUI
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aSfKEKA6F
「⋯⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgVJ1Ddfl3
「真的」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGntwuhQV3
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6i1yllStU
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdvzQOt1Nk
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6VqlzLBK8
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvbjnpFPDL
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFKWDv5d01
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eyWbd8UI3
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKQ5u6pcij
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKTaomTayE
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgcqhk7gut
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHovKRpHH5c
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJ85nL0TPy
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMNBQlyuIx
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXqJWn44sV
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxkp2xP612
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBqORy8rSr
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLx6fsyfBBt
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAkeqKx3sI
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNZYq5kCmb
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvWvgv8ZMu
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQSNP52otR
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmxbjp2Fk0
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdG2sxvLwP
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhheRtPaVWD
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfBmLRInkt
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHYVfklN52
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgEdt9EPEA
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszwlZ1iaMa
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tN6neh6y3
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2rGpfo2Wb
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kTw3kLdN3
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQqVghWu2u
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jyXLQNDN7
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTDUjsQKZR
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl63Lov0bVc
最後一記，最強烈
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZgjnHYi4d
「⋯哈啊⋯」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxskc1gxge
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63XTxaeFPt
鬆口，直至其手到胸口485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVit8wvlEi
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNWMQVeIea
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrmvLaPNTt
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDVY5md3IF
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRV89AtzkVx
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9zuYW6kZa
「⋯啊？」
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UB8wB3F3K
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VNeFAxYnC
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiTBW7PSVz
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnFLIJZYWy
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJjt7XxcCB
「等、等等」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9051u68034
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvsdMylUQo
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlekGhkTNH
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1LmYMXyer
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP5Pbx7Xcz
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ881z0eUsrW
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOAEeKmlR0
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDt5kWaUJtp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8WQgeo49R
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKru0Y2kNr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL056i8WLN1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBvaCzKzPC
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpeRMyOH2p
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10PCA70JWs
好痛
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoju9ujwxO
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQYqIGswAN
但會有人在意嗎？
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QcdsyUuSH
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDJoyXqFjd
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0ekVicnpc
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oWW9a6FJY
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg4vY91Lii
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ10hJfAsom
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZRatxDnL8
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLGqeWVINv
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQ9taA6FGE
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTepdWpMyr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv11bwVG7uW
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWf3X9e3vNI
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKsdEbsvKf
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGRfPx8ijK
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0U5DV6DBo
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK3aSRUzZ1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrGCYQLL3b
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfSbuZKorp
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfFhax01i6
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXXYqZ6dhI
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXozLQc48QK
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjh9JrhFN8
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F6WoJDBxr
比較下，條件不由自己定
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T3nwK32Lf
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEpVbUCzE2
我沒有選擇權485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9WbneoE4w
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcUlMHuLCQ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0w1xo4Sh2
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjh4flJv8A
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOg0c4sJlF
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJTVrtdnq0
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fbEfI5Vpj
明白嗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sB9oCDLNp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2metHSwAox
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvU8lfXncTw
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKRYyX1QZl
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVe98uD5t6D
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GjmM2RK7Z
若世界更溫柔的話——
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WdUkeh1gp
不可能485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX8meFGLQ1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Vk7rZo2c9
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJm9WgPvyn
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GIhEy7Wh8
什麼也沒有485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO3oLanXjH
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATJkh4k7ZV
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxIH87Q5rn
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMu7DV7X10
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN8czm55iU
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9SDf8kI6i
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmdMwBoPc2
當然485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEtgWUdE9A
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絕對
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyC8JPD0PF
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieqt9jGSZH
不想485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis4Ad3hDq3
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLerPWsgo1j
但始終，真的太辛苦了485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CzmLHhsto
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI389VsRs2
⋯⋯485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5YsXBiYLa
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88zcyX13yX
思考真的太辛苦了485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCpSSeZUKX
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyhMAtbqUV
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oeyav3fhm
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGndKJ53IZr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2Toqq2uNN
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIOp4i3tlZ
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYKwlTKXbq
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q9POVn1Vl
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq9JfiiSvH
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLBHpqrigC
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HIHsQQyLb
「⋯⋯對不起」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGBsX14uqc
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOEbMe5II8
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XW0pmLAEA
「嗯⋯」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3E4274ydb
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBsB4CfqI1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbRDYrRwAb
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9zZrIwn0K
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFvu8zmzJC
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFVk1R15bs
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCLj7mjzfq
「忠誠致赤雨之日」485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbXx7XHIwB
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8nsVcs2th
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGawmWXvAX
女孩說道
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQVnF1qoBa
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsfgmpyuvI
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PXRioMEjH
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnXOxvtCDl
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz0k1ibxlQ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FWg4pmsNf
是女孩的指示485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFdYkXvwlG
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRIdlQXejZ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio3IXSzAHn
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI0yRQAogi
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1X3ssQZBGW
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xmM63JkOL
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoj247UIQZ
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvinkEjKsr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasCIP0Ee58
直至最後能看見的——485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUgJtb2NLc
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3ASzaZhNJ
也不存在
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqoytnEhRT
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJufj6sVdSA
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkJnNT5H15
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnQ2T3dLEm
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WWaJvFA0Y
但無法辨認485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOBqaiLXnI
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFXsYO7Z8A
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuLcgYMioB
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HKsqPRVyP
黑暗將自己包圍485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcorjxeLS7
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L0wvhmjZZ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojjVrz5EBr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LzYaLVjqL
不知多久了485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdkAqIk84E
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gt8PXVgqv
在那時開始485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupOpCSD7L1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx59MPArfB
那裏485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNouxbyYbA
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhee3Q7LEv
但有些事情〇〇
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG99PV8BaF
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHtu1sM6vf
〇〇〇485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJYUocS5Ql
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmnTp3KXHJ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVbk9GvUdG
〇〇〇〇〇〇485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9sQQKZXR8
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeWVEOQfog
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9MDtPtSF1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd8HopjPZr
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALI4yR0Cr9
現在不是你的回合485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdl3vvylZj
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0hbq9C6AB
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIvVKnvCU8
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