There was no turning back... I was headed to Japan before I knew it.
Ever since the day of the mirror incident, I knew I would never be the same. Voices with evil little growls had started to fill my head, but one of them always stuck out to me: the woman’s. It was the exact same person I had seen in the mirror. For the most part she looked exactly like me, though her face had grown into one of a middle aged woman’s. I saw those miserable dim eyes of hers and the way she looked like she was trapped inside herself.
“But I understand you,” She would say in the foggy reflection. “I’m here to teach you who you’re meant to be.”
I tried hard to bury her voice deep in the back of my head, I had more painful things to think about. Last week was when my brothers had gone off to boarding school. It had started to snow a few days prior, and would’ve been great fun to play in, but all I could think about was the dreaded goodbyes of my siblings. My tears turned to icicles as River had patted my shoulders in the shivering cold. Marin had given me his old stuffed bear he loved when he was my age, but as for Milo...
He had swung me up in his long arms and looked me dead in the eyes, snow trickling to the ground around us.
“Stay out of trouble, Wren,” He had said. “You’re a big girl now.”
The lump in my throat felt larger than my heart. I watched as Milo proudly admire me, my purple earmuffs making my short hair squish to my face. When had Daddy ever looked at me with the same satisfaction my brother did? He had hardly even said farewell to his own sons, simply patting them on the back and sending them off to the courtyard of the boarding school. Now it was just me and my father alone, my fear of his abuse nagging at me each and every chance it got. A few days had passed and we were now on a plane to Japan. Daddy said we were going to a place called Osaka, it was a city by a large port. I hoped we’d get to live by the sea like our old house, but I guessed that wouldn’t be my luck.
The flight was too many hours long for me to count. I had fallen asleep on the side of my seat, it was uncomfortably stiff and made it hard to close my eyes. An old woman had said I was cute as I drifted off to slumber in my little blue sweater, but Daddy had simply sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Not as cute as you’d think.” He grumbled.
The sudden noise of the pilot's voice spread over the plane, making me jump awake. He said we had arrived. I smushed my head to the glass and watched as the night sky coated the city’s background like a painting. Lights flickered and flashed as we landed, the silent aircraft gliding onto the runway. Everyone was starting to get off one by one, so Daddy grabbed our luggage and we entered the airport.
It was the weirdest feeling to see everyone look so similar but us. Practically all of them had thick black hair and beautiful pale skin, but I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. My father dragged our suitcases and backpacks to the entrance of the airport barely noticing my existence. Outside there was a small black taxi waiting for us.
“Konbanwa.” The taxi driver said. I didn’t know what he meant, but Daddy returned the greeting rather bluntly and annoyed. They had a tiny chatter as my father told him where to go, and we were off.
Skipping ahead, the first day in our tiny apartment was the worst sleep I had ever experienced. We had arrived there so late in the night that I had collapsed into a puddle in the entry way, not even caring to put on some pajamas. However, I couldn’t just go to sleep right there... but there was only one bed because Daddy had thought he was coming alone.
“So where do I sleep then?” I asked as I struggled to get up from the carpeted floor.
“The couch.” My father retorted.
I knew Daddy didn’t want me here. He wanted me gone in a boarding school back at home like my big brothers, never to be seen again. Out of all the children he could be stuck with, it sadly ended up being me. I should’ve known by now that I was no use to him. I was just the runt of our family... It truly made me wonder why he hadn’t given me up for adoption yet.
After the first restless sleep had come, I woke up bright and early to unpack my small set of things. Some of my items had to be put in Daddy’s bag because we didn’t have a lot of room. I quietly scurried to where our luggage lay as he snored asleep.
“Come onnnnnn, arghhhhh!!” I gritted my teeth as quietly as I could while I tried to lift one of the backpacks. I stumbled back as the sudden weight of the bag gave way, my pile of clothes and necessities collapsing to the ground. Once I had determined my father was still thankfully sleeping, I slumped onto the ground and got to organizing.
My jackets and t-shirts, my pajamas and socks, everything seemed to have gotten to Japan safely. That is, except for my favorite pair of jeans. I loved those jeans with all my heart, they had once belonged to Claire and meant very much to me. Frantically I dug through the backpack to see if I had missed looking in any pockets. It was nowhere to be seen. I began to unzip other luggage in hopes of finding it, throwing junk on the floor left and right. I was amazed at how Daddy continued to sleep through all of my clumsy mishaps.
“Gotcha!” I squeaked triumphantly as I ripped the jeans out of my father’s suitcase. How did it end up there? I’m sure it just got mixed up in the rush of all our packing. I began to unfold my beloved pants before something tumbled out of it. It clattered to the ground with a “Thwunk”, and I froze as my father tussled in his sleep. What had fallen with such a loud noise was a notebook, it looked worn and very old. It’s white cover was adorned with little diamonds, but there was no name to identify who it belonged to.
“What’s this...?” I asked myself as I turned the first page silently.
My heart dropped as I read the paper in it's inky cursive, for this is what I saw:
“My dear husband Luke, I hope whatever happens throughout our lives that you keep my biggest promise: make our children happy. Please don’t forget how we vowed to love each and every one of them till the day we die. I know I’m not as healthy as I used to be, but I want to keep seeing the smiles on our children’s faces when they see their new siblings for the first time. It’s such a magical experience for both them and us. I know you didn’t want any more, so I promise to let this fifth baby be our last. I think she’ll be good for us though, I’ll write this journal just for her.”
On the bottom was a small signature saying, “Love forever, Emma Nilsen.”
I sat for a very long time without doing anything. I knew that Emma Nilsen was the name of my mother. A sudden wave of guilt washed over me as I clamped my mouth shut in utter shock, it felt like a thousand thoughts were swarming my head like wasps. How could this woman, who seemed so loving and kind, die from someone like me? I didn’t dare to turn the next page, all I could do was stare entranced at Mommy’s beautiful handwriting. Daddy must have brought the diary to Japan with the rest of his belongings. I'm sure he must love that book because it was the only thing he had left of Emma, besides visiting her gravestone which was now all the way back in Norway. Once again I was startled as I watched my father turn in his sleep. He was across the room, but I’m sure I had already made enough noise to wake him up.
“Quite scuffling around brat,” He groaned and tossed in his sheets again. “What are you even doing over there?”
“N-nothing Daddy… I was just u-unpacking.” I said as I quickly shoved everything back into the backpack. I grabbed my mother’s diary and stuffed it away again, wondering if I would ever see what lay in the pages next.
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