畢業已是五年前的事,成人後的時間流逝得真快。285Please respect copyright.PENANAZEAWmOXDWj
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當時為了實技試拼命鍛練、幾乎徹夜無眠。因此不出席開幕禮而選擇在會場補眠,想着趕得及考試便可以。然而會場常常有人經過,要找安眠之處並不太容易。285Please respect copyright.PENANAK6N1vkePP0
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「不好意思,可以一下嗎?我好像迷路了⋯」285Please respect copyright.PENANAMonQymeMQJ
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我被一對手搖醒,是一臉困擾的她。285Please respect copyright.PENANACHipW6bOki
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我正睡在飲水機旁,連何時睡著也不記得。285Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4JsZRwjgk
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既然醒來,便選擇伸出援手。285Please respect copyright.PENANAD1eZzP5Rgc
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「⋯是嗎,妳是想去哪一個會場?」285Please respect copyright.PENANA9zzJYAdaD0
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「我就是⋯那個⋯⋯不太清楚。」她臉色瞬間帶點尷尬,再小聲喃道:「因為那個孩子總不會說出自己的事⋯我也不懂如何開口詢問。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAOXrsMALJM7
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那是一對異常寂寞的眼神。像快乾涸的池塘、水面一絲不動,我和她對上眼後不禁移開視線,普通地感到可怕。285Please respect copyright.PENANAN3RNGfGOtm
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於是馬上借了她手上的指南為她指路。285Please respect copyright.PENANAj9bYNuN2ug
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「這裏是醫科生的會場來的,所以如果不是這裏……如果妳的女兒要不是考「筋力證明」的話,應該會「一般試」的會場⋯⋯這裏哦。」285Please respect copyright.PENANASFGtBzpSZV
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「謝謝你⋯要是我家女兒也像你般開朗就好了。」她接下指南後說道。285Please respect copyright.PENANA2aSt2rPXIX
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她的笑容讓我感到意外,心想這個人原來也會笑的。285Please respect copyright.PENANAn2t3sOs557
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與此同時,走廊的喇叭突然響起。正是我所參加的項目宣告最後召集。285Please respect copyright.PENANAkzBywXDdcb
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「跨欄已最後召集!?不妙!那我要先走了!拜拜。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAAttEjNsVQS
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要不是她喚醒我,恐怕已經失去資格。因此印象十分深刻。至於她能否記住得我,則無從可知。285Please respect copyright.PENANARMxPQfZQD1
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「⋯我認識你的嗎?」285Please respect copyright.PENANAQIjenBn6E4
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有時候對本人重要的大事,對他人而言只是微不足道的小事。285Please respect copyright.PENANAQz9Y7H2Ih7
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「算不上認識啦⋯只是以前間接被你幫助過而已⋯⋯」285Please respect copyright.PENANAqjqhn364lh
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「是嗎?⋯那你要喝嗎?」她看似不在乎我的話,只從膠袋掏出一罐啤酒遞出,純粹想要酒伴。285Please respect copyright.PENANARXDewJrDDY
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「看你也沒事做,就一起喝吧。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAjM69Xmexd7
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跟陌生人喝酒是人生第一次,同時在鬱悶的氣氛喝酒亦是第一次。285Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2eeIEASCY
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大人痛苦時喝酒都是為了逃避,我並不想成為那樣的大人。然而這刻我連自己是否痛苦也不清楚,總感覺一切也不重要。285Please respect copyright.PENANAcVi8jVFSxB
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不能隨心所欲的人只能隨波逐流。285Please respect copyright.PENANAWEAWHtefT5
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手掌接下啤酒,啪咔一聲開罐,大口灌下。285Please respect copyright.PENANApupjJx9fTQ
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「酒精味好濃…。」285Please respect copyright.PENANAtew4Nb7nv4
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酒精味太濃反而嚐不清楚味道,但真的會有人覺得這好喝嗎?285Please respect copyright.PENANALosoAPfnWN
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「這就是大人都喜歡啤酒的原因。」她答。味道不重要,反正醉了便不會在意。285Please respect copyright.PENANAk1AHhwXLlv
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「看你一個人坐在海邊,是失戀了嗎?」285Please respect copyright.PENANAZLV49V9jHi
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「不是。只是,感覺因為自己的錯令身邊的一切不再熟悉,有點追不上……」285Please respect copyright.PENANAzMtRRtoZ4t
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「原來如此,也是呢⋯世界可是奇怪又奇妙的。即使以為多熟悉的東西,也有不斷轉變⋯或者離開的一日⋯⋯但是結果就結果,怎樣後悔也改變不了,我們只能接受現在。」285Please respect copyright.PENANACDuueZAbvy
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「所以千萬要記住,悶酒嚐過就好了,不要變成我這般只會喝悶酒的大人。」她握扁着手上的鋁罐,已喝光第一罐,正伸手打算喝第二罐。285Please respect copyright.PENANAqrl4EBUukY
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的確,比起是喜歡,她更似是習慣,習慣去灌醉自己。285Please respect copyright.PENANAP4Ef0pQF3j
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「那妳呢?遇到甚麼了嗎⋯?」285Please respect copyright.PENANARUgIpdpCtf
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既然同樣在喝悶酒,那代表她也有煩惱。285Please respect copyright.PENANAtuzo4RUKSy
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她背後肯定很辛苦的事,所以當時的我害怕去接觸她。而比起害怕會知道甚麼,更討厭自己會視而不見。285Please respect copyright.PENANAfYTCnNawC7
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「⋯⋯」面對她的無語沉默,馬上使自己知道問了不該問的。285Please respect copyright.PENANAZvl1bFPzQB
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她默默拉開酒罐的拉環,並像是灌水般一口氣灌入喉嚨。感覺到氣氛轉變,我趕緊包圓場的說:285Please respect copyright.PENANAb6SNJ7wsYe
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「對不起…不用說的也可以的!不用強迫自己⋯⋯!」285Please respect copyright.PENANA7Q6Kr4NfZ9
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另一方面,內心覺得她這樣很狡猾。285Please respect copyright.PENANAE9jrKT1Smr
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明明找別人搭話,還要一上來就是敏感的話題,到現在卻不打算打開心扉。285Please respect copyright.PENANAUpJLT6RZs1
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下一秒,耳邊傳來一句:285Please respect copyright.PENANA197uKYbB1v
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「我親手迫走了自己女兒⋯怎樣?你不想成為這樣的大人吧?」285Please respect copyright.PENANAD0GnowlwC7
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說後的當刻她露出一道苦笑。285Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3T4IYDiIL
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大人主動揭露傷痛,相比勇氣,更需要的是麻醉。原因無他,就因為是大人。285Please respect copyright.PENANAPOGZxbf9lh
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「怎樣⋯這個話題很難接話吧?抱歉呢。」她小有尷尬的說着。285Please respect copyright.PENANAZOjJRluzjk
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「才沒有這回事,難得你願意說出口,我也想聽下去。可以嗎?」285Please respect copyright.PENANA0BPgYqCrNK
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世間總說不要管別人的家事。理由因為家事通常也沒有道理,只存在主觀。285Please respect copyright.PENANAGKBbuBb3VM
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外人管多也沒有意義,世上惟一有進展的只有世上多了腦細胞死去。只不過人的本性始終是八卦。285Please respect copyright.PENANAzxPxuEyvo0
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「⋯老實說那可不太有趣的,真的要聽大嬸說故事嗎?」285Please respect copyright.PENANA5v9mXvtxAs
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然而未待我回覆,她已經自行把話接下去。285Please respect copyright.PENANAwfMyTvdA5m
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她本來有丈夫,以及一個孩子。285Please respect copyright.PENANA1lFyKgZKjh
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在生下女兒之前,她和丈夫已為子女計劃未來。假使孩子繼承下自己的能力、或者丈夫的能力兩個可能性也早已打算好方針。285Please respect copyright.PENANAlTis77JzvI
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她的特長是預測和訂下計劃,在投資銀行工作的同時也是工作狂,即使在產假期間也繼續為相熟的客人服務着,因此受着客人間的好評。285Please respect copyright.PENANAPq0scuLzsv
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而丈夫,即孩子的爸爸,據她說是一個性格開朗的小學老師。四肢發達,頭腦簡單,是一個思想單純,亦是個十分寬容溫柔的人,與嚴謹的她可謂正正相反。285Please respect copyright.PENANA5AatOT54Zk
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也就因對方身上有着互相缺欠的部分,因此也像拼圖一樣,補上互相的缺陷,拼合成一幅幸福的理想象。285Please respect copyright.PENANA7lHmY6Pj5m
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直至生下孩子,拼圖突然多出突兀的一塊。生下稀有種的小孩所懷有的不安,可不是未當上父母的小鬼那能想像的東西。285Please respect copyright.PENANANS7NTeaTvx
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為了她的未來,要定下一個舒適、可以在社會活下去的未來,長憂和思慮使她不斷在床上打轉,然而睡眠不足的她也要在深夜抱著女兒,餵她讓她安睡。285Please respect copyright.PENANAFhlKHJVVd9
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一百分的痛苦,這值九十九分。285Please respect copyright.PENANA9Ivfy6B8jE
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再加上工作方面累積下的壓力,產假後要追上工作的進度,沒有休息;亦同時要思考着看護的事,腦袋快要轉不過來也要作出各種決定,即使不如心意也要被強迫選擇。285Please respect copyright.PENANAvFsgECG1w9
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作為完美主義者,得過且得是她最討厭的事,於是腦內同時展開各個計劃,卻一混亂下則開始交織,必需重新構想,令工作效率下降不少,失誤接連發生。285Please respect copyright.PENANAPm8bSTOb5D
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這樣下去自己累積下的東西會一一失去,信念也好、計劃也好⋯⋯285Please respect copyright.PENANA2H6HyBjCUA
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最後心態使心理崩潰了,正確來說患上產後抑鬱症。285Please respect copyright.PENANAXAYSh93gsD
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過去、現在、未來的壓力,使她越來越少容餘,也容易變得對人躁動,不只身邊,連對女兒也開始失去耐性,變得經常怒吼。幸好丈夫及時看透一切,主動提出自己負責照顧女兒和主理家務,也因此辭去教師的工作。285Please respect copyright.PENANAGgNJ9BUpM3
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她本來的收入已有教師的約兩倍多,要是更努力進昇,家計不是問題,遠看未來也是十分合理的決定。285Please respect copyright.PENANA8n7BX0GUHB
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她對丈夫的決定十分感激,但也同時很內疚。因為知道丈夫喜歡與小孩互動,他亦為自己的工作花了不少心機,這點她最為清楚,亦是她不能想像欠缺的一件事。285Please respect copyright.PENANAwKnpZpKnG8
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心中的拼圖不斷變形,當一塊改變,周圍便會接連脫落。假使打算趕去補救也不知所措。可取的手段到底有甚麼?應做的有甚麼?必需達成的有甚麼?285Please respect copyright.PENANAWfQYAGEgt3
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視界越遠更容易發現問題,但亦代表需要同時面對更多事議。285Please respect copyright.PENANAEsFJjgBjy8
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對女兒的成長變得嚴格,是因為她清楚只有壓倒的實力才可適應任何環境,不被他人拋下的同時,即使是怪胎,別人也只有接受自己的存在。即使不如理想,各方面也漸入佳境,總算重上軌道,她在心裏想道。285Please respect copyright.PENANACn9igo0nYf
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而了解到人生總不能如預期的,正是意外。285Please respect copyright.PENANAqyJlV3Oc7W