Denial.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgpqyaQ3Ta
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfhyvRecfA
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wwHFmvTdQ
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ni5Qzip7n
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTwiurIgFb
"I'm fine," I stressed.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtSeCFiXYX
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6PToG7qzk
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EQo1lGAKF
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81YllsjoM6
***399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXCktF8iDy
Anger.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oqQAcJeMK
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCyIHLwv1b
Things are always easy when you're a kid.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUErLwuXNDc
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxRCEKrMQi
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OPkVsnJkN
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAKwKCYclh
"Clara?"399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2twoqAW8X
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlI0cEsmi1y
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs5RbygeKd
"When can I go home?" I asked.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4BU5jKs3S
He sighed. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7gcKwKUqb
"Well?"399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOLMUsF1CE
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv4UMtTaAs
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeRpwq5Ryh
"Talking helps."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuY0O1UcyC
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4sL3iE0oR
"It doesn't work that way."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvuirNh5N2
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPTY94Amyn
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgPRrl6o1A
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRY8EQ5DcY
***399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS04ki6Hoz
Depression.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifEkS2tFir
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIih54eD77
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzO1Skhzja
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsdhVlsURa
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC25J8aymC
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmC9sWBadP
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7Lq2y3zAn
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSh4D5iUtsa
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwvgvGVF7M
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fUi3XfvNI
***399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6CsmiChHt
Bargaining.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyemwSTpEKv
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTiCla5hxf
They say it's the five stages of grief.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7UIMWAdDz
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtkL97VuPJ
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFuIM4WKYr
But now, you don't. I don't.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBAJofSmcj
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Fqmz50YvL
***399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Fgr4eILad
Acceptance.399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmS5cuf6q7m
There's nothing you can do to change it. 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsX10SH7fH2
***399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynCdcTO3md
