->>>什麼叫一失足成千古囧?觸發隱藏任務總是要有代價的。
【凌家動物園 III 小強星人也求愛】爆炸頭不要來
By 喵芭渴死姬
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32-1. 海難豔福?
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「各位恩人請,美人小心台階呀。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAe0BnkU1V2L
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當其他玩家還在跟皇宮侍衛周旋套交情時,一臉帶巴掌印的山羊鬚大叔,就領著肉盾等人大搖大擺地從側門進了皇宮。穿過路線複雜的迴廊,走進一間華麗寢房後,唬爛將扛在肩上的金髮青年扔上床,再揪住企圖貼向塞倫的色大叔怒踹一腳,「尼馬的當老娘沒看到啊?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMo7xxm3HfA
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「喔喔~美人再來~♥」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJtd65Fvb2x
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天,這色大叔居然是尼本達的宰相,希望床上那個王子不會也有什麼怪習性。他們囧囧有神地嘆了口氣,沒想到只是撞個船就撿到一個M屬性宰相,這究竟是怎樣的神發展呢?1044Please respect copyright.PENANAaI4Ysdtoew
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一切都得從他們坐船來尼本達的途中說起了——是誰說坐NPC的快艇就萬無一失的?1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAGEhcdo2aZ
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「叮!恭喜玩家肉盾阿弗羅的奇囧裝備【頭飾】《小強觸角》,因充分受到愛情滋潤升級成為《小強觸角+1》,歡迎玩家再接再厲……」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAQpuzjMKToK
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風和日麗,海闊天空,放眼望去盡是一片溫煦祥和的蔚藍,伴有快艇駛過的白浪捲花不時點綴,真可謂是出海航行的好日子,直到這一聲系統音響起,唬爛也差點噴出嘴裡的啤酒,「靠!你那觸角還能升級啊?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANABn14EllyZW
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「果然如此。」塞倫失笑輕碰環著小蝠的小強觸角,「先前看小強的資料寫著進化方式是愛心,後來又見牠跟小蝠交往,就有這種預感了。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANARyg6KjFKnI
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「喔,老婆真聰明,來親一個……唉呀!」肉盾湊過去的嘴被一掌拍開。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMen6941sqS
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八卦目光中,塞倫微紅了臉,沒好氣地瞪去一眼,「你也看一下場合。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAqJSgb5KVdc
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「好嘛好嘛,那晚點陪睡時再親。」才說完就又被丟了一記白眼,肉盾只好認份地低頭查看小強觸角的資訊面板,果真提升了不少數值,當初他跟邱比特要求留下小蝠真是明智的決定。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAdElhTsXfK5
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「咦咿?小強觸角發光了!」本在賊笑觀察兩人的喵喵仙貝,頓時驚得往泰迪熊身後一躲。雖說他理智上明白那只是裝備,但情感上仍會有些心裡陰影。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAnkV1cWbvBu
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「喔?來看看。」難得有個能拆卸的奇囧裝備,肉盾實在好奇小強觸角升級後的樣子,便不加思索地連同小蝠一起摘了下來。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAr6KJ6QrEPu
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偏不湊巧,這時,空中正好飛過一大群鳥怪,牠們彷彿感應到一股莫名誘惑的仇恨力,在發出一聲高亢的尖叫後,紛紛集體轉向,直朝爆炸頭高速飛來。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAt3SD60qFTe
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「噗——咳!」仰頭灌啤酒的唬爛,正好目睹這又囧又好笑又危急的一幕,三種情緒一時反應不過來,頓時就被嗆得直咳不停,「我(嗶——)……咳、咳……你那頭……」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAnH2kwCe8QN
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「白癡。」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAM9QJ6HJDFs
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「臭豬頭登!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAjpR7BgwfMk
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兄弟檔反應最快,泰迪熊緊急念咒施狀態與防護,喵喵仙貝抽出巧克力魔法棒要高唱安眠咒。塞倫本就想提醒肉盾注意環境,一聽到驚呼就立刻出手拉住他,「快戴回去!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAxma8HBZBSi
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「唉呀!小蝠別咬啦!」驚覺幹了蠢事的肉盾立馬就要挽救危機,然而,被吵醒的小蝠也是個遲鈍二貨,竟不顧狀況地怒咬擾人清夢的手,讓肉盾和塞倫為此稍頓了半秒。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAAlyfLsTqxX
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於是,說時遲那時快,快艇就突來了個大顛簸,竟是也受到仇恨召喚的魚怪群在衝撞船身,撞得大家一個重心不穩,齊齊往旁跌去。1044Please respect copyright.PENANALHkfAQFn45
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「怪拐睡,快快睡,再不……咿——」嬌小的喵喵仙貝最禁不得晃,整個人就要往船外跌去。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAdG3d5u49Nf
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「貝兒!」泰迪熊救弟心切,緊急將人一把拉回來,但兄弟倆的念咒也因而被打斷,以致於鳥怪、魚怪雙重攻擊,弄得所有人措手不及。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA2LrKlQcUM2
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「老婆小心……呃呃……」肉盾為了接住摔倒在他身上的塞倫,竟於慌亂間不小心脫手讓小強觸角跌落座底。小蝠被撞得七暈八素也無暇發脾氣,只能抱著小強跌跌撞撞飛起。塞倫為了抓回牠,又不小心一膝蓋壓上肉盾的肚子,讓毫無防備的肉盾差點口吐白沫暈過去。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA8KsMwtVrFf
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不過,這些都還不是最糟的事。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAfXLB3Xn2nH
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「(嗶——)!小心前面啊!」嗆到又撞到頭的唬爛氣呼呼地爬起來,就見船夫NPC已被嚇得六神無主,快艇也失了方向,直往一艘華麗的帆船飆去。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAozWFdmSMU2
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「呀啊!該該睡快快撞……啊啊!不對啦!窩忘了咒語啦!是、是……」喵喵仙貝一慌,腦子也錯亂了,只能胡亂喊著各種法術亂丟。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAckBi9Dc1NA
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「就叫你不要亂改法術你不聽!」氣極的唬爛只好揮著巨劍清鳥怪,一邊對船夫NPC使出河東獅吼:「振作點!要撞船啦!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAIVy7UUmB4Z
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「戴好了。」塞倫手忙腳亂地將小強觸角歸位,才發現肉盾已翻起白眼,立即驚得拍打他的臉頰,「喂!你怎麼啦?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtDtAtocwT3
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「……老、老婆……肚……子……」肉盾的頭頂上方開始出現倒數計時。1044Please respect copyright.PENANALFK2p8YnUZ
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「什麼我的肚子?別鬧了!」完全沒意識自己還跪在人家腹上,塞倫焦頭爛額地叫出火麒麟朝怪噴火,再瞪回肉盾的倒數計時驚呼:「你怎麼缺氧了?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANADedeLcn323
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「……」肉盾已說不出話了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAOwSPhoWhiA
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「強強我好暈~」罪魁禍首之一的小蝠,添完亂就抱著小強觸角睡去。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAL14RLTnNQy
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「(嗶——)(嗶——)(嗶——)!是男人就給老娘穩住船啊!」唬爛持續揮劍邊怒吼。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAm5pwlVnTmO
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「嗚嗚嗚……」船夫NPC抖抖表示服務業生意好難做。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAsP3J22wyZE
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「撞啦撞啦再不撞……啊啊!不對啦!」喵喵仙貝還在努力拼湊安眠咒語。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAeqdk4AouvD
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就在這一團混亂的雞飛狗跳中,大神終於魔化發飆了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANABjLf6lf6PZ
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「驚・心・動・魄!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAiVOrGyTFN2
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一聲令下,撼動全場的霸氣迴盪繚繞,所有人頓時愣地停格一秒,船夫NPC呆了零點一秒後抱頭蹲下哭喊媽咪,中驚嚇狀態的鳥怪、魚怪噴淚往外竄逃八秒。於是,世界終於清靜了,塞倫終於移開膝蓋了,肉盾也終於能呼吸了,而終於冷靜下來的唬爛,則乾脆自己去控制快艇,結果——1044Please respect copyright.PENANAs9ekZxKgqQ
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「阿靠!」手勁過大的缺點就是容易失手,唬爛瞪著被她掰斷的方向盤,流下一滴冷汗對泰迪熊乾笑:「哈哈……現在怎麼辦?」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAwBWc3c5gB3
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能怎麼辦?撞船啊!望著越來越逼近的帆船,大家都眼神死了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAlhW80MKMCj
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「喝浮潛藥跳船,至於怪……」臉色鐵青的泰迪熊瞪向跑回來的怪群,揮杖補上狀態和防護圈,正要開口指揮時,喵喵仙貝終於拼出了咒語,伴隨著一陣肚餓叫聲——1044Please respect copyright.PENANAe5hlj1NqNy
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「疵吧疵吧不疵會死!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAqTIg8OpjgI
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雖然安眠咒語依舊嚴重拼錯了,系統仍是出乎意料地響起了,「叮!恭喜玩家喵喵仙貝成功自創法術《喰種咒》,獲得《創意發明家》徽章一枚、經驗值12000、奧客幣86000,歡迎再接再厲發明更多有病法術唷!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAO9KbcCYTo9
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一道暗紅色的光芒自魔法棒頂端四射,範圍內被照射到的怪立刻就互相啃咬了起來,一時間現場血花四濺、碎肉紛飛,果真是超有病的法術!雖說狀態只有維持十秒,卻剛好讓這群怪相愛相殺完。於是,所有人默默別開眼,決定最近養生點,吃菜吧!1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMVcIB7YPuS
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怪的問題解決了,只剩下撞船問題。眼見確實別無他法了,他們便緊急灌下藥水,抓起還在哭哭發抖的船夫NPC,於快艇轟然撞上帆船的那一刻,一同跳海逃生了。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAPS9hBRKyf3
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「叮!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAjviuqILrnj
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兩船相撞後,雙雙支離破碎地沈了,宅宅系統音也以堪比八十歲老頭的特慢語速悠悠響起,儘管字裡行間的語氣是多麼地歡樂無比,更特別的是,贅字還出奇地多。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA92LghIMWu6
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「玩家泰迪熊餅乾、肉盾阿弗羅、喵喵仙貝、塞倫、偏向唬爛行,因為超級成功地撞翻了尼本達皇室的微服私遊帆船,觸發了【特殊皇室任務】《海上驚魂》這個非常具有挑戰性的任務,所以請玩家泰迪熊餅乾、肉盾阿弗羅、喵喵仙貝、塞倫、偏向唬爛行務必在遊戲時間的二十分鐘內將五位落難者全部都救上岸,一旦失敗的話,就要被以謀殺皇室的罪遭到超級可怕的懲罰唷,我們計時開……Oops,老子的手不小心滑了下,已經過了三分鐘啦~顆顆!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAt0XLNn1vYQ
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去你的混帳系統!
好在塞倫做的專業級浮潛藥《如魚得水丹》有額外提高游水速度的效果,加上翻船地點離岸邊不太遠,他們便一人扛一個,搭配各自的場控技能避開戰鬥,總算是趕在最後一分鐘將落難的皇室NPC全救上了岸。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtwr1DDs4id
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最先到岸的是用了幾次跳躍瞬移的喵喵仙貝。他將金髮青年隨手往岸上一放後,就跟著氣喘吁吁地趴倒在地上,等喘夠氣了,才坐起身補充飽食度和體力邊默默吐槽。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAiu7cxomnb6
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居然讓十歲的角色去扛二十歲的成年角色,根本就是虐待兒童!偏偏這傢伙是所有落難者中最輕的一個,讓他沒得挑剔,只好怒咬碳烤雞腿洩憤。以他來形容的話,這位穿得跟豬頭登一樣騷包的青年,就是愛德華王子本人,似乎因溺得夠嗆而暈過去了,哼哼哼,真沒用!1044Please respect copyright.PENANAG8XoBRe0Vm
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第二個上岸的是塞倫。有水元素和風精靈的幫助, 他在水中的身手應是最為敏捷,偏偏自稱是宰相的山羊鬚大叔一看到他,就拼命黏著摟抱喊救命,拖累他的速度不說,上了岸也不肯放手,一直蹭啊蹭地擺明想吃豆腐,搞得他心頭各種怒火,卻礙於對方是任務NPC而只得忍下。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAprURbtLBU2
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「美人兒,我頭好暈啊,一定是溺水了,快來幫我CPR~」1044Please respect copyright.PENANA5kQaiRyIi4
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「我沒學過,你找別人吧。」塞倫雙手抵著不斷湊來的臉,努力避開對方噘起的嘴,思考下藥迷暈NPC的可能性。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAK7hrRukKsP
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「沒關係,我學過,來~」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAS9e8CCAH5x
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「啊!放開我老婆!」落水後被泰迪熊敲了一棍杖的肉盾,頂著頭包拖了一個士兵上來,就見自家老婆被騷擾。他急慌地正要衝去搶救,身後就飆來另一人使出怒火鐵掌將色大叔巴飛。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAFaZJQ1qiaF
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「你什麼爛貨色敢碰我男神?」估計是被系統整的餘怒未消,唬爛打了一拳不夠,還來一發完美的轉身跳躍踢擊,將宰相一腳踹倒後就狂踹咒罵,絲毫不管對方的NPC身份,讓其他人都目瞪口呆地冒出冷汗,連扛著士兵護著船夫NPC最後上岸的泰迪熊,都抽了嘴角。1044Please respect copyright.PENANABuGNoDzXF1
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塞倫怔愣望著這一幕,忽然想起一些往事,不禁有些失笑。這凌小琥從以前就這樣,只要有什麼奇怪人物盯上他,她都會第一時間出手趕走對方,完全不顧他是個也有自保能力的男人,實在是令他哭笑不得。過了這麼多年,這妮子始終沒什麼改變啊!1044Please respect copyright.PENANAVuK2nCI2lB
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「小琥,夠了。」見士兵NPC全都傻了,塞倫便連忙黑線勸道。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA3LmBqhuxQD
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肉盾依舊驚呆地站在原地,什麼NPC不能惹的概念早已拋出九霄雲外,只管在內心不停咆哮——哥居然沒保護到小倫老婆啊啊啊!1044Please respect copyright.PENANAomCL1rXHOM
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「窩們的任務是不是白做惹?」喵喵仙貝有種想哭的衝動了,剛才抬人真的好辛苦說,嗚嗚嗚,怒疵豬腳麵線啦!1044Please respect copyright.PENANAtrvT6WORLz
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泰迪熊無奈地揉了下眉間,明白這女人火氣一來不發洩夠是停不下來的,便決定先處理毀壞NPC快艇的糾紛,再視情況看要帶寶貝兒去哪裡安撫,至於任務失敗的後續處理,就叫其他人自己想法子解決。1044Please respect copyright.PENANARyw5pFdAnq
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAHGBPTgOK5G
就在大家陷入絕望時,一聲極M的大叔嬌喘竟然響起了!1044Please respect copyright.PENANA9rAvFVC0J1
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAuqo4slL7Rn
山羊鬚宰相羞紅著老臉,抱住唬爛的美腿磨蹭示愛:「嗯啊~這位美人好腿力啊,我一直在尋找像你這樣的勁辣美女,嫁給我吧,我會好好疼愛你的!」1044Please respect copyright.PENANA2kHHyEdKbk
1044Please respect copyright.PENANApiO6chbku8
「……」喵喵仙貝差點被豬腳噎到。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAgZzS9fjKEh
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAX02oO8vTDm
「……」塞倫忽覺一身雞皮疙瘩湧起。1044Please respect copyright.PENANA7GrDMXxHWS
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAeefT2WPGuS
「……」肉盾依舊哭哭自己沒救到親親老婆的事實。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAH9Ul6TapYp
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA74cU1p4pQF
「……」泰迪熊賠錢給船夫NPC的手顫了下,差點按錯交易金額。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAhOVeHftIBf
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAK09X3W7qfe
「……」唬爛穿著高跟長靴的腳頓住了,半秒後,繼續往死裡踹。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAjfqgUOEZj9
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAfbnl7y5Xv2
「喔喔~再來~♥」1044Please respect copyright.PENANAvlAY1ViNON
1044Please respect copyright.PENANA2S2C0mJKDz
於是,滿天飛的紅豔愛心中,所有人包括NPC們,全都毛骨悚然了。
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAPMmpfjblk3
ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з Σ>—(〃°ω°〃)♥ → (╭ ̄3 ̄)╭♥ σ ゚∀ ゚) ゚∀゚)σ ლ(╹ε╹ლ)
1044Please respect copyright.PENANADhreLqflA4
後記:
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAWQRHeTomY8
坐個船都能搞出這麼多事wwwww1044Please respect copyright.PENANA7KNHhqgaoi
系統你可以再機車一點XDDDD1044Please respect copyright.PENANA27R7dzb4pW
由於這篇字數較少,所以下一篇也會提早發唷~XDD1044Please respect copyright.PENANADEpHkWbhdv
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAoGC7BpF011
可能有人會覺得為何遊戲內的劇情走向沒著重兩位主角的身世種族任務1044Please respect copyright.PENANAQpHKWb41a0
這是因為小倫本身玩遊戲的習性,之後的文章會提到,也算是為他的未來做鋪梗吧(艸1044Please respect copyright.PENANAnnA1qOvkVM
1044Please respect copyright.PENANALU5aQdveOe
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAJJ67VnEQJc
【下篇預告】《小美人魚》:挖掘特殊NPC企劃,小倫有心事,字數約三千多字,預定下禮拜一早上發。1044Please respect copyright.PENANAgiFwCEInTV
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAZSyljMOH0p
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAOUsHiNH3Z5
★【凌家動物園系列】
1.花心豹吃兔計畫 — 付墨X凌小兔 (作品名:小兔不吃回頭草)1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMq2fgH5SEo
2.大貓小貓相親記 — 泰特斯X拉貝爾 (作品名:恃寵而傲嬌)1044Please respect copyright.PENANAmACsz5Z3Ke
3.小強星人也求愛 — 艾登X席倫 (作品名:爆炸頭不要來)1044Please respect copyright.PENANAp5uWVxirWl
1044Please respect copyright.PENANABXTFeKThMe
歡迎追蹤噗浪和FB粉絲頁>////<1044Please respect copyright.PENANAMesJPwisP1
1044Please respect copyright.PENANAnEQcpG7YhP
噗浪:http://www.plurk.com/sakuhyde1044Please respect copyright.PENANAoQ51IypLlu
FB粉絲頁:https://www.facebook.com/meowbarksky1044Please respect copyright.PENANASV0rqYQCBp
by 喵芭渴死姬 / 03.12.2016
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