Packing is a blur for Cait. She is half wishing that she hadn’t waited until the last minute; the other half wishing she could call the airport and postpone her flight. A final scan of the room, and Cait exits. She has to run to the hotel shuttle, and never turns to look back at the beach.
The weightless feeling that goes along with liftoff reminds Cait of her heart while kissing Jack. She looks down from her airplane seat and examines the landscape from high above. With this perspective, the streets snake like rivers through the city of Brisbane, making Cait feel like her tiny spot on the beach is but a speck. It makes her feel like she, herself, is a speck. Insignificant. Awful.
The week before has been spent isolated from the rest of the world. Anxious about potential international charges, Cait hasn’t been able to call her dear sister, nor has she been able to check up on Bradley at home. The disconnect was good in some ways, and inconvenient in others. Cait has to ask herself if she would still have given in to Jack’s advances had she been due to call Bradley last night. Guilt settles in as her conscience tells her a resounding ‘no.’ She tries to distract herself by reading, this time armed with her sketchbook, switching from one activity to the next in an attempt to cloud her mind.
Despite the exhaustion, Cait barely sleeps longer than an hour, spending the rest of her flight contemplating what to do about last night in Coolum beach. Jack’s touch was firm but caring, giving in to a long awaited appetite. His lips were sweeter than Cait imagined they would be; she admits to herself that the fantasy had crossed her mind in the past more than once. It’s not impossible that the alcohol clouded her perception, but Cait is happy that the memory she holds is pleasant and not disappointing. She’ll have to keep the secret to herself, though; that fact alone is more painful than the act, since Cait doesn’t keep secrets from her sister. She can feasibly see never telling Bradley, continuing in the farce that the two are already existing in; but not being able to express the details of her passionate night with her sister Beth causes Cait grief.
The captain of the flight announces when they are only an hour outside of Chicago, and Cait shifts in her seat for what feels like the hundredth time. The only weapon she has against the nagging thoughts is her journal, and she pulls it out with a favorite pen. Always one for formality, even in private writing, Cait begins with a date; but she stops herself, recounting the days she was gone on her hand. If she understands correctly, the day she lost while going to Australia came back when she traveled home. It is still only Tuesday in America.
Cait writes the date in a curly font, and recalls the day’s events, starting with the frantic packing. She makes no personal record of the affair with Jack, nor does she mention any of the meetings from that previous day. Her loophole of an absolution brings peace to Cait’s heart. She looks out the window in the same way she did when leaving Brisbane, trying to identify landmarks from the sky.
As far as Cait is concerned, that day in Australia never existed.
...
The rest of Cait’s day is spent doing laundry and preparing for tomorrow’s workday. She took vacation time to help Jack on the special project, but has been keen not to reveal the actual reason for the absence to her boss, Connie. Any indication that Cait is working for another architecture firm would surely lead to her termination, and she couldn’t very well take a job with Jack’s firm when Anna so openly disapproves of the idea. Now that they’ve crossed the threshold into that fear, Cait wonders if all the work she did last week will still be used.
Cait’s greatest comfort right now is her cat, Bear, a longhaired tabby with an unusually squeaky voice for an animal his size. Never one for being picked up, Bear notices when Cait feels upset, and strategically places himself next to her for comfort. She spends many hours on the couch waiting for the laundry to finish, stroking Bear, and watching the phone. Cait hasn’t had the strength to call Beth yet, only sending her a text message to let her know she made it home safely. Bradley didn’t even offer to pick Cait up at the airport, as if he didn’t know how long her flight was; instead, he is out with a friend, shopping for camping supplies in preparation for fall hunting trips. Of all the daredevil things that Cait enjoys, hunting is not one of them; she doesn’t shy away from fishing poles but she has little affinity for guns. It is one of the many passions that Cait doesn’t share with Bradley, but she isn’t disappointed when he leaves every year with his friends; she gets the house to herself, only needs to take care of Bear, and drops the façade of a working marriage while he is away.
Bradley finally returns home at about 6 PM. He nods hello at Cait, but doesn’t ask her how the trip went. He immediately sits on the couch and flips on the latest trash television; the sound of the laugh track makes Cait’s blood boil in annoyance. She is trying to read one of the many books that her coworker Lexie let her borrow for the trip, attempting to create an alibi by having something else to talk about tomorrow. Without saying a word, Cait rises and excuses herself to the bedroom to finish her book. The indifference between Cait and Bradley might as well be a postcard for unhappy couples everywhere.
The truth is, Cait doesn’t want to leave Bradley because of his obvious unhappiness. She feels responsible for him. Cait has yet to really succeed in architecture, but she loves her job. Bradley has tried his hand at several pseudo-careers and found nothing more satisfying than hunting, which isn’t a suitable venture. The city intimidates him, and he prefers a quiet upbringing in the mountains to the hustle of people all around. But he moved here for Cait’s sake, and therefore feels obligated to stay until she completes all she wants to. On both of their consciences is the feeling of duty before pleasure. Cait has attempted to bring Bradley to counseling sessions several times, but he is cursed with too much pride, and usually acts out of character for a few days after the suggestion is made. But the tenderness and extra attention never lasts very long, and the two end up back where they started. The cycle continues.
Cait wonders how Bradley would react if he ever found out about her affair with Jack. Would he be jealous, or relieved that they could split on even and definable terms, instead of the concept of giving up on their relationship? She lets her mind wander on the thought, even fantasizing about a world where Jack and Cait could be together, and Bradley would move back home.
But then she remembers Anna and the children; Cait’s heart sinks to the bottom of her feet and her eyes begin to swell. She hasn’t cried over the guilt until now, as the thought of Fay’s sweet face pops into her head.
Just as the tears start to flow down her cheeks, Cait’s phone rings in a familiar tone. Beth is a huge fan of superheroes, so to honor her constantly changing obsessions, this month’s ringtone for Beth is one of the more recognizable theme songs. Cait considers letting it go through to voicemail, but then she would again be alone with her thoughts. She answers, albeit reluctantly.
Beth is the sort of sister that is truly a best friend to Cait. The two of them have their share of disagreements, but at the end of the day, one has a higher quota for family annoyance compared to anyone else. Beth is a few years younger than Cait, single, and still pursuing her graduate degree in psychology. As a student, Beth is exceptional; learning is her true passion, and she is constantly looking for opportunities to travel and grow. Beth is insanely jealous of Cait’s excursion to Chicago, as she feels stuck in their home state until graduation. The curse of in-state tuition.
“Okay, okay, okay, you have to tell me everything about Australia! Did you go to the beach? Did you find out where the hotel will be? Were there any lonely and insanely attractive Aussie men looking for a mountain girl from far away? Come on, come on, come on!” Beth is talking so fast that Cait has to rethink through the context to decipher what she said, though there is a smile on her face at hearing Beth’s voice.
“Hold your horses there, dear. I just got home a few hours ago!”
“So what? You haven’t been doing anything today except sleeping, have you?” Beth is mocking Cait’s predictable style of ‘come home and crash’ after a trip. Beth’s routine in nearly the polar opposite, as traveling awakens something inside her, making her even more jumpy and alert after a boring plane ride.
“And laundry, I did all my laundry!” Cait laughs into the phone, happy to mark off at least one accomplishment today that wasn’t dwelling on bad thoughts. She knows she can’t reveal her true feelings about the trip, as the last day was by far the most notable, but Cait does her best to appease her dear sister. She is grateful that the joke has stopped her tears.
“Okay, fine, I understand you’re tired. I’m just worried about you, is all.” Beth can tell that Cait has been unhappy with Bradley, but the topic has become somewhat of the family taboo. Just before she left for Australia, Cait and Bradley had a fight about his hunting budget. She needed the time away.
“I’m fine, Beth. I’ve just had a very long day; you know it’s hard for me to sleep on a plane. Bradley just came home, so I’m a little bit trapped in my room right now while I read this book that Lexie gave me.”
“Oh, what book is that?”
“Eh, some chick lit. You wouldn’t be interested in that.”
“No, my life isn’t a cheesy chick flick come to life like yours is. Poor Cait, had to go to Australia to build a hotel, boo hoo. Poor Cait, probably had to take surf lessons from a man who looked like Adonis...”
“Haha, I wish.”
“Well, you got to go to Australia, anyway. Oh, please tell me what it was like!”
Suddenly, Cait feels like talking to Beth will only make her feel more exhausted than she already is. The urge to tell her sister about what happened the night before with Jack is burning through her psyche.
“Beth, can I call you tomorrow? I think I need to get to sleep.”
Beth is concerned at this, and knows something is wrong instantly.
“Cait, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I am really tired. I will shoot you an email and include all the pictures I took, okay?”
To not tell Beth every inconsequential detail is out of character for Cait. Her empathetic younger sibling wants to pry, but knows better than to push her sister’s buttons if fatigue really is the problem.
“Alright, Cait... but are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, Beth. I’m okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”
“Love you too, have a good night.”
Cait hangs up her call, and flips through the contacts in her phone. On her “Favorites” page sits Jack’s phone number, snugged in the middle of the list. She considers deleting it and purging him from her life completely, but the thought alone feels so adolescent and passive-aggressive. Out of routine, Cait shuts her phone off and sets an old alarm clock to wake her in the morning. The last thing she needs is a lasting reminder of Jack before falling asleep.487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuM5uia8tt
The book that Lexie gave her is predictable enough, so Cait skims the last two chapters. She takes a shower to end the night, and when she leaves the bathroom, finds Bradley already lying on his side in bed with the lights off. Cait is annoyed that she must pick out tomorrow’s clothes in the dark for the sake of not disturbing him.
She lies down next to her husband, her back to his, and says a quiet prayer for a good night’s sleep. Cait would normally be crying herself to sleep out of anger in response to this sort of rebuffed existence, but tonight she can think of little beyond the overwhelming memory of Jack’s voice.
Cait is guilty, but deep down, she isn’t sorry.487Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqsQ8Nbl4P
