A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1RwK3JMGW
-:-850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqCMCCyKOR
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWTF0hoF2Q
CHARACTERS850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBNy7X9nv8
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMg0m9DEII2
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMvU2TU7st
--850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67EonOfsrA
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c8JpbmeTr
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXzuHDxRYK
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12ZJ0u8k76
We don’t have much time.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgnuFdfYAi
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr2KG9HYdo
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJORksgDO6
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyUhte6etS
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BUGJWDlqs
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMFiIz7LAG
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTpsUSGgZQ
I understand you’re upset - 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdUu5kOlga
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXC1RigRnP
I damn well am! 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkLNAPvP0P
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPHlZD90b3
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6Kh7kAxg4
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscIp8RpVMD
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqFCaxl3Bi
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp54r6vYKlm
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJNIeydCzR
(slowly)850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFBp6W2zeT
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR92GBb9eEm
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SpirSi8AP
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjbnShGTOs
What?850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8zYBKdA1W
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4pP5TZREd
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4MQNVWZHj
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89mmaN0KUr
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIW64xiHi9
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVo1KPsKG7
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvZrLPvCxv
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdMeCXUTkR
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTtS3Y5hU8
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlPjX7RU5l
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdDlRg2jMe
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Um5lr6f0f
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUWJQPWZ4s
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpORhP9G8S5
That may be the case, but look at this.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmwA2ENFPp
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbs5VQlST4
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8fYQyXGW7
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fLDpfdT8E
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtD9kSOZI2
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMmL4eKhwl
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqGN3HjlrV
(grimly)850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VQ33N7UA6
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZQDIWsa0W
CECIL850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFUp142U8w
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDF6to9gAXv
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9jAGTGsdV
XIUYING850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYzlWHIhyj
Who said anything about paying them off?850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOorFXJqpT
--850Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK15aEKwW2
