你好，我是莊坌但。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY9dzsPoz0
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdO20Lt7Pf
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4mKMc4HnS
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjCMZwnUtw
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc313sdI2qT
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudam4iQuFT
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRcs0zcgKK
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQWiEU1foy
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyR2pDArA6
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAKtWpxwU8
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmFSBGX9kX
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXvnnyCTxV
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpqXUhMbjG
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KvZK7n1D8
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZ3SrIgXPm
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39vtp5xSG3
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p0ZKJtmKQ
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZwiVJLyAF
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0j8fyRrdX
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o7qkN4C5e
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6sdybj6zK
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacSbRboGeE
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4PScr4mMA
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgV2KBfEy1
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoGdzbgB4v
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNn5B4fgv3
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVxeFrfVj4
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr14PdTUcgp
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtmU3to0tb
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8m34bHX3gq
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAxxfJsEYW
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hRkFftwIt
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIknI6qkEQ
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pRW6z5B9J
「你好，我是……」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbae0ZSejwS
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPQMEfyFVl
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5nosaWE9k
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3pzzwTM6P
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3j4tJP1ct
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWDEtWqY8Y
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowgHHlmsFD
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOgso6OUbA
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMg6TyXfCJ
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbO7cSuM3J8
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0mAdVQ6U4
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uv5SFNfLK
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRStahnFuB
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcjU0XoxQ4
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaLVr66QfM
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHkOoSJ1SW
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZpnPIikiW
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqodlkqZk0
不好啊非常的不好啊！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItM6GfuRQ4
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTF39E0Z45
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOV7zWZsRX
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2LmZ3AYEP
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9Pk0DxeXd
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbb07qHYmI
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EItz7sY72
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAZmv8MRwd
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4uDSvIOeL
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfbZrk7lyd
出了社會，總是得找份工作。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4imQHR7v5H
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIhwpvQwQS
我自己買了台50CC通勤。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6PZjryZ6s
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrbhEEFWct
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNiOF8A20M
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgszpQLXc9D
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O3lTxQKON
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmluM2ZZma
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVLFwQnMJA
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULPNy86qZ6
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkT33xMO0NY
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDM6iXXfbT
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoQKrZLLcL
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjkqpDK5bd
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5W6rJc3mB
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlR05uItXX
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrxlr8J9ed
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFgKC8TOA3
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxqwH8pFLZ
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMaiY7dOuw
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRcjrAanH5
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxwhCTviJM
它熄火，我傻眼。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iWhyBUhEa
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE9MqDq5Db
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9cweEqPxp
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn0mMWKnPy
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2VaEK2zhi
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GruaI41fh
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3aS9CebFk
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWy4VpXB1Al
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyo8ECS5Fw
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CX3YKnBZB
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8li7KmCfp
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfCcgJ7HL7
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWucA1N8U46
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtfKnI1EGI
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6ryg2vP9y
428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOucUPtmlMJ
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！428Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOtk2Onl6A
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