It's suffocating.
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It's killing me. My mother's killing me, tight the hands on my neck. I'm losing air to gasped and breathe.
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I'm going to die.
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That's what I thought of until the door opened and my younger brother appeared, hastingly running and panicking seeing us.
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"Mother! Mother, please, calm down! Misty's gonna die!" Magnus succeed trying to prevent me from dying at an early age. He rushed to caress my back as I coughed so hard I would spout a blood.
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Air.
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Thank God, I was finally able to breathe.
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"Misty, are you okay? Misty, answer me!"
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I aggressively nod my head for Magnus. When I looked at Mother, she's glaring at me like she's going to slit my throat at any moment now.
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"You're a disgrace to this family! If I had known earlier that you're the young duke's mistress for two years, I should've killed you! I know I should've killed you! Our family has been look up too ever since your grandfather's generation, and now you're planning to ruin it you malicious woman?! I can't believe it! And the queen knows that you're seeing his grace! If the whole empire has known that you're seeing him when he's engaged with the princess all this time, I will have no choice but to throw you away you insolent woman! You're such a piece of whore!"
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I know mother was restraining, she was gritting her teeth.
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I couldn't talk back while listening to her story about me that has several holes.
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But I wanted to talk back. I never had this urge to shout my reasons to her, but I know she'll never understand.
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She never understand me, she never tried.
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"We're so lucky that the queen hasn't tried to spread that the duke has a mistress and it was you! If all of that happened, we're going to lose everything! And it would be all your fault! It's all your fault!"
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I received a last hard slap from her. My cheeks stinged.
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It hurts. Really hurts.
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Not the physical pain I'm feeling, but this pain in my thoughts, in my emotions, that I know will last for a long time.
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I hold unto Magnus' arms when Mother left the room stomping her feet.
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"Misty," I heard Magnus' gentle voice cracked, like he was about to cry.
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I stayed at the floor silently, I couldn't cry. There was no tears left to cry. I burst all of it yesterday. The tears ended yesterday, now the pain will hunt me forever. I would stay here to hide, just like what I did to my feelings.
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"Misty, I...I know everything that happened, don't worry, it seemed like the queen has no intention of spreading the news about our family. No one knows except us and the queen. But if it spreads out around the empire...the queen will..."
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That isn't make me concerned at all. That thing was never in my concern. I don't care about the queen. I don't care about anything at all right now.
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I just nod at Magnus before he helped sat next to my chamber's divan. He's the one who treat my wounds mother has caused. I just stared at the near window, lost in the calm sky I wished I was. And the birds, it felt like they're watching me over with their pity eyes while they're on the tree branch. The leaves swayed gently as they flew away.
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I looked down.
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I have nothing now.
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"What did you do today?" I asked in a low voice, it felt like something was struck on my throat when I asked.
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"I...I stayed in the library reading."
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Magnus was the successor of the Barony, which father will going to bestow to him when he turned twenty five. But he's only sixteen now. He's having a hard time. He's always having a hard time.
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That's all I asked to him to make the awkward silence fade. I thought he will never asked about me, but he did.
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"Misty...w...what are you going to do now?"
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I turned to him. "Mother will lock me up to the attic. I will not going to do anything from now on."
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"W...what?!?!?" He's outrage. "No! No, you won't! I will talk to her! I will never see you again if you're lock to the attic, Misty! This is wrong, what mother's doing is wrong! I won't ever tolerate her, she never understand any of us and now she's being like this!"
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I looked away.
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Magnus know everything about the duke and I. He's the first to know our secret when he followed me secretly to meet him. Magnus has always been on our side, my side.
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He knows that I don't know anything about the engagement, and so the duke, who was never aware it even existed.
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He knows that I already break my ties with the duke when the sudden engagement that no one knows appeared.
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He knows that I could never be near him again.
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That our secret connection already faded.
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I have nothing to do anymore with him again.
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"I'll talk to her right now!"
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I grabbed Magnus' arms. "Magnus, don't do anything rash."
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"But---"
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I slowly shake my head. "I'll do what she told me. You'll never get away from her once you do that. Do you also want to be punished? If not, sit down. Everything was settled. Just focus on the study. Your study. You'll inherit the Barony one day, don't let me hold you back. Mother would slip out the news and the maids could hear it when you came to her about this."
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"Misty..."
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"I'll be fine, Magnus."
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"But I'll never see you..." Magnus tears were falling out.
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"Your reputation is more important than worrying about me. You've helped me enough about everything, Magnus. I can't have you fall apart. I can't have this place you'll own one day disappear. You're the only one I have now, and now and then I'm willing to do everything."
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I don't know how many hours Magnus cried in front of me, but when I looked at the window hours later, it's already dawn.
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And just as the sun set down to rest, my despair and agony come creeping in.
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