休學的生活其實比想像中還要平淡無波，像是行於浩瀚沙漠之上，不知不覺地被虛無吞噬，淹溺然後窒息，我總會想到心電圖上那條被繃直的橫線，那樣的纖細而靜謐，像是隨時都會被折斷，或者說，總是會異常地想把它敲碎，一種格外彆扭難堪的姿勢。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpP1dz7Q5a
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1fnVkUKLT
狹小的房圄，昏暗的燈光，只有手機撥放著的人聲呢喃著，「這是現在年輕人的傾向，由於網際網路的發達，有研究發現他們與現實越來越脫節，社交媒體的使用也是導致現在年輕人憂鬱的助因之一，尤其又以女性的影響更為明顯......」還在繼續在字裡行間笨拙挪動著，我似乎總太龐大太臃腫了，握筆滑動的指尖都窒礙難行，連呼吸都壅塞地擠壓肋骨，發出滋嘎的摩擦。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja5xcuNhGR
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkEUMq6FFN
喉頭乾澀難耐，我顫抖著手灌下一大瓶水，試圖滑點索然無味的短影音來轉移注意力，嘗試未果，又滑到剛才的影片評論區，果不其然一整片瀰漫濃烈刺鼻的煙硝味，快要被腐蝕掉了，於是啪地應聲關掉了整臺手機，感覺整個腦袋暈眩乾涸，只有心跳震耳欲聾。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWOIdQfyNH
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zl52xI42p
叮咚著，又一則群組訊息跳了出來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24kJJjjSr6
「XX高中繁星再創佳績......」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOmwDrA2P1
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoRvZhkGtQ
人生就是一條漫漫長河，有人野心勃勃疾駛無阻，有人無欲無求飄盪無際，也有半途就撞上巨石，尷尬地擱淺著，掙扎著前進了許久，是否真的向前了? 我也不知道。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerrPagtQtZ
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00cxuobET4
「唉......」我苦笑著嘆了口氣。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbnqnX5rpd
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwJksGHYKi
人果然是種犯賤的生物。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBrgWl901m
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWa4VpRhMR
屏息著，我知道它來了，再怎麼抗拒都束手無策的，一點一滴的自舌尖輕巧地爬進食道，一點一滴的，恭敬地廝磨啄吻般，嚙舔侵蝕著每寸經過的肌膚，最終到達腸胃，那是一種酥麻黏糊的凌遲，像是吞下一盤瀕死痙攣的蝴蝶。急促地焦躁地，牠們在叫嚷著什麼，飢渴著什麼。我不想知道，不，我真的不想知道。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWbBkiWAkY
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DXc9qaQd9
嘆了口氣，我穿上外套，拎起袋子，一如往常地向外走去。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm21t38pHF
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7a9j7eAJx
圖書館附近的黃花風鈴木像是憋鬱了太久的奶油一口氣擠爆，視線所及全是狂妄囂張地燦黃，微風刮著稻田銀亮的魚鱗，可激起的波濤湧到腳邊只有各式的垃圾與一隻已經被壓爛的麻雀。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlG9DNQFxf
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCpCWCRI47
街口的那隻貓還是照常向我喵喵叫討食物，只有牠不像那些一見我就跑的貓那樣。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamH0moJO6L
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTmXpKbubc
「肯定很餓吧?」我用指尖刮著下巴的青春痘，不只一次的這麼想著，猛一抬頭，與感應門中的我撞個正著，欲蓋彌彰的躞蹀碎成殘渣。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnHdFuqMTp
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRVAlVqCLq
好可怕。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuaY8B6R1R
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO1v2G80wc
無溫的逼逼聲響起，袋子裡已經被塞的滿滿噹噹，我向感應門走去，視線裡赫然竄過一個倉促的身影，也是戴著耳機，一手捧著屏幕摔碎的手機，一手拎著鼓脹的塑膠袋，全身用寬大的衣物遮掩地密密實實。她很惶恐焦慮，像是突然墜入汪洋，茫茫然地尋不著登陸，卻又不得不滑稽可笑的掙扎求救，我知道。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3u745g7mo5
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdTGI37XEC
她即使到了現在也還在掙扎，我也知道。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRP7zhjtiP
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H0L6pfaPT
回家後，我盯著袋子裡的零食，然後抬頭看了看窗外，還是把窗簾拉上了。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69zSnWEzZp
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhIkkMehL1
風扇嗡嗡地運轉著，桌上的參考書吹翻了一頁。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fYaa1MuJo
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LMUWNxi1h
我低下頭，撕開包裝。 尖銳的嬉笑聲自手機裡流淌出來，我總喜歡透過這樣隔一層的窺探舔舐另個世界的溫熱血液。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO5ygBKAF6
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoTqR2X3yd
還是洋芋片，油膩的鹹香味迫不及待地纏繞上指尖。有時候就會突然這樣，味覺反覆沖泡後變得稀淡，只能藉由這些重口味的刺激調整濃淡。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kSu7JhYTM
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrtlAye2qc
嘎吱咀嚼著，漫不經心地看著影片，碎片被指尖翻來攪去，從小片到大片，最後仰頭將碎屑倒入口中，再慢條斯理的擦去手指的油粉，就這麼僵硬地重複著相同的流程。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5WAuf0sIS
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZTldkgbnf
我能感受到碎片咬碎的瞬間溢流的油脂，一點一滴滑進腸胃，最終凝固成難以抹滅的白色膠狀。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4rjJeSaze
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYwU6i5cLM
進食的過程是擁腫而鬆弛的，我不知道何時終止，終點又在何處。不，其實我是知道的，再怎麼樣都迴避不掉的......46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrTBZ6pJzc
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhYYRK0TJ4
如同我曾如此虔誠地獻上我的所有生命，現在我得把我的罪孽一口一口吃回來，直到沒有絲毫剩餘。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfoIyvQLSj
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBIeIKxXxT
「其實，真的說起來也挺爽的吧。」我仰起頭扯起嘴角，儘管已經灌了很多水，感覺那種鬱塞的殘渣還卡在牙縫。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQoMLtTV2O
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLv7wW58gaO
電扇扭頭，包裝袋被吹落地面。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvpFWi42PV
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yoxHYk8al
我不情願地彎腰去撿，飽嗝被擠壓著竄出喉頭，整個口腔都瀰漫著張牙舞爪的油味。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCoRU9w6Bg
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfd30Gj37Gp
「但其實，它也只是食物啊......」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LjBju0ygm
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEI00bSuP9
我摀著臉，指縫間滲出一絲幾不可聞的嗚咽。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmpOEl3kLF
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAMzu1ESzO
我的神啊，我曾經如此如癡如狂愛著的神啊。親手剜開胸膛，掏出一顆血淋淋的搏跳心臟，自始我的世界只為他而轉動，溫熱的血液只染上他獨自的溫度，那對我才是真正的信仰，一場等價交換的大型獻祭，奉上我的所有，以便在世間繼續苟活。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxXoIpS0nK
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwqJw5kigk
我曾是如此瘋癲執著地愛上了他，以至於在殺死他過後，僅剩一具頹殘的軀竅。好像得填滿些什麼，得再歇斯底里地做點什麼，恍惚懸浮於虛空中的靈魂才能再更踏實些。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbLhMt1VUe
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3M1y8m1Bym
電腦喇叭一邊聒噪地叫囂著。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCce5shptq6
You turn oranges to orange juice46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDdQCAdrNo
Enter there, then spit it out of you46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzchuynPlGF
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJcm9n2rty
一邊毫無波瀾地播送著線上課程的內容，人格心理學，今天在說榮格，但我幾乎沒聽進去。還是走進了廁所，跪在馬桶前打開座蓋，卻只能愣在原地，用痙攣的左手按住同樣痙攣的右手，然後流下幾滴不值錢的淚以茲紀念。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV8NGkw7Z4
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBMfHrMjOn
我終究，還是沒辦法。催吐、催吐、催吐......腦中不斷重複演練，但我究竟是怯懦過頭。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSY7hfaEijV
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio73yG21P8
嘆了口氣，我煩躁地抖著腳邊點開BL漫畫，一定得是肉體交織纏綿，激情四射水澤旖旎，火才夠旺夠猛，淹沒蔓延無際的食慾。胸口好悶好痛，許是滿溢的胃酸翻湧咬嚙著心臟，但更難受的是，我他媽的為什麼還在這裡。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTvTnG4gj8
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLReNsHbMiz
連食慾都控制不了的，噁心的、骯髒的、腐爛不堪的傢伙，活著還有什麼意義?還不如直接拿刀把自己的肚子與大腿贅肉切掉。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyZsp7PMKW
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLHXnt8gOf
四年了，它們如同鬼魅縈繞，從未離去。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RMnn5Xtar
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvbwrIFtaA
Your body is imperfectly perfect46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEp8kAnJRj
Everyone wants what the other one's working46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5je5sssb2
No orange juice46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXApkpDskTH
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAwURgKFj0
何時，才能真正的放過自己呢?46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMpJJN69Fg
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98Sa41iWhm
「媽的.....別想起來啊......」我用力攥緊棉被，把身軀壓得更低、更低些，是否就能夠低入塵埃裡?我不知道。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZME3X9lBHo
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpeNLQCZ0q
又是一個暴食的夜晚，鼓脹的慾望、浮腫的過往。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwsGMAQ8Pk
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIluGz0hzj
矛盾著，敲打在日記的字句仍是，撲通、撲通、像落入馬桶的水面。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxNTvgR9NC
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvxR6Mf0V6
「恭喜大家考上了喜歡的大學.....我也得繼續努力啊......」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjRLsauLmC
「明天也要好好的生活，好好的愛自己喔......」
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC89fO9dny
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrscQa0nPK
註 : 感覺好像離題了，如果造成理解困擾我很抱歉.......
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