Nowadays, life at home seems pretty calm. Mom works abroad, Dad's here, and with that distance, there's hardly any room for arguments. It feels like we've finally found some peace.
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But it wasn't always this way. Growing up, I adored my parents and family deeply, but there were moments I wish had never happened. As a child, I often found myself in the middle of their daily arguments. The shouting and screaming felt like scenes from a horror movie. I was just a kid, trying to make sense of it all, not knowing who to side with. All I could do was stand there, watching, tears streaming down my face, while my sisters tried to intervene, their own faces wet with tears, just like Mom's.
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Dad, despite his kindness, had a short fuse. Mom, ever sweet and caring, had her own triggers that clashed with Dad's temper, leading to explosive fights. As I grew older, these confrontations became a regular occurrence. Dad couldn't hold back his anger, and Mom couldn't resist saying things that escalated the situation. It became our norm.
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When I was old enough, I'd try to step in, raising my voice to make them stop, trying to shield Mom, reasoning with Dad, placing myself between them. It was overwhelming, and I'd often lose my composure. They'd eventually move past the fights, sometimes going days or weeks without speaking, but then they'd talk again, even if they couldn't stand each other for long. But I never forgot those moments. I don't blame them; I love them both equally. I don't know their full story.
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Mom never got along with Dad's parents. She always spoke of how poorly they treated her when she was younger and pregnant with my sister, before I was born. Her resentment toward them never faded. This is why love is so important. I wish they had truly loved each other before getting married.
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Reflecting on those times, I realize how crucial it is to think deeply before starting a family. Ensuring that love is at the core of a marriage not only enriches the couple's relationship but also fosters a healthy and supportive environment for their children, leading to better outcomes for the entire family.
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Growing up, all I ever wanted was a happy family. Sure, my parents and sisters loved me, but there was always this longing to see my parents truly love each other. Birthdays were the hardest. As I blew out the candles, my wish was always the same: for Mom and Dad to be happy together. I used to daydream about what it would feel like to live in a house where love filled every room, where arguments were rare, and laughter was constant.
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As I got older, the constant fighting became background noise. I'd become so numb to it that I stopped reacting. It's like my emotions were buried so deep that I couldn't access them anymore. This probably made me crave real love—the kind without shouting matches and cold silences. I found myself avoiding deep connections, especially when someone treated me indifferently or didn't bother to fix things through simple conversation. The thought of ending up like my parents, stuck in a cycle of unresolved issues, terrified me. That's why I'd often pull away, scared and anxious, whenever things started to get serious with someone.
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But that's a story for another time. For now, there are things I need to confront within myself, shadows from the past that I need to face before they consume me entirely.
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