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I wanted to go back to school so i did i went to a community college at home that was close b y and i was married to my high school sweet heart and my son was 3 yrs old and i wanted to have my son around different cultures cause since i could not have anymore kids even tho i wanted more but i would of been happy with step kids and i would of been happy with that anyways but things in my life i thought was going to get better but 7 months in to my first marriage everything started to unfold and blow up in my face like i would of never thought in a million years would ever happen. My first husband got so pissed off at me and so jealous that i was going to college and he actually picked up my college books and threw them in the trash and i said what the fuck is wrong with you and he replied and said your making your dreams come true and i said so what you can to if you truly wanted to and he said no i can not and i said yes you can and i just wanted to learn how to type good cause i never got to learn how to do typing very well but when i finished i could type a 147 words a min im like holy shit but to me i was very pressed with my self and ill tell you why and it was because i was a little girl with a learning disability and i got made fun of and my dad was not very supportive at all but when i finished my class for the summer i got a 3.5 G.P.A and my dad told me that was not good enough and i would not amount to nothing and my heart was crushed and i felt like i was not daddy little girl anymore and then he said i was going to be as smart as my cousin but my cousin works at a CVS and she post of been a social worker and apparently she is not and ill tell you later on more about her and its priceless lol all i got to say karma is a bitch for her . As time went on me and my husband at the time got in to a fight and i shut down and all i remember was i grabbed my clothes and he said where are you going and i still didn't say nothing at all i got in front of the door and he blocked it with his body and this went on a few more times after and the last time i got passed him and i went in to my car he pulled me out of it and lay a hand on me an d yep i went to the police and i had him arrested then a few days later he was out and then i get a phone call from my dad and it was not good .
I had to rush my dad to the hospital and that is when everything went to shit my dad had colon cancer and aneurysm. in his stomach and i rushed out of the ER after my dad was let go from the ER and the next day i was on the phone to St Louis Cancer center over at Barns hospital and yep my son was 3 yrs old at the time and i decided i could not live with my husband anymore so i had a good reason to leave him now and i was to busy having to deal with my dad and then busy being a mom for my son and my husband at the time i had the judge have him going to anger classes but i knew he was a good person but deep down inside i could not trust him anymore.
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So as time went on dad had 2 surgeries and he made it through but my heart still was not over what my now my first ex husband did i had to worry about my dad and be a mom for my son and i did not know how to deal with anymore in my life and i sure in the hell did not want my son to see this behavior cause i know kids can pick this stuff up and it can go out of control as time goes by i healed my heart and it took me 3 and half years to do so but then when my dad got more sicker he started to say hateful shit that i moved out of my childhood home cause when my dad called me a worthless piece of shit in front my son and i did not care if he was sick or not but i was the only one out of my dad 5 kids that took cared of him but yet i was good enough for that and i cut ties with my dad and are relationship was so broken it was never the same after he died and when my dad died i cried but at the same time i did not miss him anymore cause of the hurtful shit he said to me and my heart was so damage after that i am like ok but i was good enough to take care of you but you basically saying i will never be good enough. and i had to go live my life some how..
But what is crazy tho is i miss my dad but i do not miss the meanness or the hurt words he use to say. as time went on i did not date anyone until my son was 7 yrs old and thats when everything started to change.
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