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No Plagiarism!zEcXQJDOC6is7hrzvjibposted on PENANA 大致整個看過了~118Please respect copyright.PENANAQEvy7KbFAk
8964 copyright protection114PENANAsGfD59KQVA 維尼
我覺得寫得很好欸,尤其是簡介,有種日輕的感覺XDD,但後面可能是為了強調,字體有點大,但我覺得其實不需要這麼大的字…118Please respect copyright.PENANA17SpRehcSI
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以下幫你修改看看目前最後一章,然後我的建議很不專業,看看就好哈哈118Please respect copyright.PENANAwaYKBrYEod
8964 copyright protection114PENANA1FnxFKJCkZ 維尼
我很閒可以找我聊天或是聊寫作OwO8964 copyright protection114PENANADq3H3pPuYP 維尼
#94說走就走8964 copyright protection114PENANAAgb5Xl4TD7 維尼
「啊啊啊啊啊——」118Please respect copyright.PENANAkdrZ74SbKI
8964 copyright protection114PENANATCOC70Iooq 維尼
驚惶恐懼的尖叫聲響起,在茂林裡顯得孤寂悲壯,掀起回聲。8964 copyright protection114PENANAsf6ZHViQiE 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANABAKvQZxKME
8964 copyright protection114PENANAQICrr0Jy1o 維尼
「吵死了。」恐慌中,佇立在野地裡的人出聲。118Please respect copyright.PENANAsHWqHukb2l
8964 copyright protection114PENANAoHhuhMRfpU 維尼
那人聲音顫抖中帶著故作的威嚴,說道:「不要再傷害他了,放手!」118Please respect copyright.PENANAqdKeyXuSn8
8964 copyright protection114PENANApoHEqdRy0O 維尼
「攻擊西爾維就可以了,你要對西爾維做什麼都可以!」118Please respect copyright.PENANAsUnytjsxtN
8964 copyright protection114PENANAUjyxvSbZ3i 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAbsHxh6UmQk
8964 copyright protection114PENANA7mmBpV9zGE 維尼
「我已經在你們這些垃圾上花費太多時間了。」8964 copyright protection114PENANA3RabzQZD90 維尼
「讓開。」118Please respect copyright.PENANAYAAmccArR1
8964 copyright protection114PENANACu2gFhJLin 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAM59hvzIFfO
8964 copyright protection114PENANANkzwNRTYzt 維尼
「不要啊……不要帶走他……」口裡吐出的話語已不成聲,倔強得宛如野獸嘶吼前滾在喉腔裡的低鳴。118Please respect copyright.PENANAOt9m0wLVaz
8964 copyright protection114PENANAhzKDmecXfZ 維尼
「我不要!」118Please respect copyright.PENANARPrmb9J8VU
8964 copyright protection114PENANAKyLRk9wruD 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANA3LuFwRgQzc
8964 copyright protection114PENANA2jCmjhDW9D 維尼
啪!8964 copyright protection114PENANA4rvEuTyL3i 維尼
那是巴掌烙下的聲音。8964 copyright protection114PENANAa9le46A0zD 維尼
「……心智配不上身體的廢物。」她薄唇微啟,帶著輕佻。8964 copyright protection114PENANAmGSWqG2ken 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAb4anVTGU0i
8964 copyright protection114PENANABsgAR3xJrK 維尼
這話一出口,萬籟俱寂。8964 copyright protection114PENANAWZzzmYNB3i 維尼
大家都以為被揍的人會反咬,會反抗。118Please respect copyright.PENANAPosUgXxSgh
8964 copyright protection114PENANAr0WX6mNRkJ 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANA2dz87EqJRx
8964 copyright protection114PENANAgQylLCNL7R 維尼
但是。8964 copyright protection114PENANADm0MY6yTTP 維尼
「……沒錯……沒錯!」8964 copyright protection114PENANAsbJn6ytIIp 維尼
「打我就對了!」這話是來自西爾維。8964 copyright protection114PENANAM7AVmf8ruN 維尼
遍體鱗傷,卻昂首不斷肯定點頭。8964 copyright protection114PENANA7F9oPVan2h 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAFH2voYJU6V
8964 copyright protection114PENANAodyLmAPtwv 維尼
他很堅決。8964 copyright protection114PENANAnvtTZ7qSnm 維尼
「攻擊我。」8964 copyright protection114PENANAscMlsn7g9s 維尼
「直到妳滿意為止。」8964 copyright protection114PENANA6GhkHKnw1o 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAA0H8Tcx8CB
8964 copyright protection114PENANAjZdXRHBBmb 維尼
「……啊??」連施暴者也啞然。8964 copyright protection114PENANAWs7AfZBK32 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANA7mOOxIQz3T
8964 copyright protection114PENANAsl8ZgdCNTo 維尼
咚。8964 copyright protection114PENANA2sE5kILM47 維尼
刀子落下的聲音。118Please respect copyright.PENANAC3kXN8GNRA
8964 copyright protection114PENANAS5Ai4sPZtV 維尼
接下來,是西爾維的聲音,沙啞不成聲:「很抱歉,之前對你這麼囂張。」8964 copyright protection114PENANARQqqN27miF 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAo78X5dlBMJ
8964 copyright protection114PENANAeYn0dH02OC 維尼
咚。8964 copyright protection114PENANAlvxJTC2gl5 維尼
身上不斷增加的傷痕和血液,他置若罔聞。118Please respect copyright.PENANAy1jVEbiMFm
8964 copyright protection114PENANAHJKgAZgK3y 維尼
「很抱歉,竟然試圖想要攻擊妳。」8964 copyright protection114PENANAjAEXQbMM2W 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAoxvfkxqbas
8964 copyright protection114PENANAF3EV0rbfYQ 維尼
「要對我做什麼都可以。」118Please respect copyright.PENANAWJ9rE4TN76
8964 copyright protection114PENANAuxbVOLBzja 維尼
「原諒我。」他腥紅的血液淌在唇邊。8964 copyright protection114PENANApEhVfwQ0ul 維尼
「好不好。」118Please respect copyright.PENANA7K2Zfjgnac
8964 copyright protection114PENANAN7vMtDJqVv 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAQzxD6jKBY6
8964 copyright protection114PENANAbzSkbxCz8J 維尼
落在他身上的武器聲音一聲接續一聲,沒停。118Please respect copyright.PENANAafKvYZaFIe
8964 copyright protection114PENANAtwuoIE7Tse 維尼
「我是說真的,對不起。」118Please respect copyright.PENANA6JYyz18TjH
8964 copyright protection114PENANAnev92ePdwf 維尼
118Please respect copyright.PENANAjl2HEAomIr
8964 copyright protection114PENANAw61ymKBQKz 維尼
「西爾維只是沒用的破爛樹枝而已。」8964 copyright protection114PENANAGhdM5TFuJw 維尼
個人覺得寫得很好欸,主要問題是人稱~~118Please respect copyright.PENANA4wjtHABtiB
8964 copyright protection114PENANAFSnhZeESj5 維尼
不知道#94第一句「吵死了」這句話到底是哪個角色所說,建議改成:8964 copyright protection114PENANA8zrvUmAE4s 維尼
XXX說:「(台詞)」118Please respect copyright.PENANAa9lqdhtyQb
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「(台詞)」XXX震怒吼道。8964 copyright protection114PENANAZOqOZgZxsa 維尼
反正就是在台詞前後寫出這句話是由誰所說,不然讀者會需要不斷從前後文中推敲,作者可能自己看得明白,讀者卻不知道這篇在說什麼118Please respect copyright.PENANAA81Zhhy7Qw
8964 copyright protection114PENANA7L5dwDFFiI 維尼
我覺得這個改了之後會好很多真的~希望有幫助到你~118Please respect copyright.PENANAT3tlHpaRHX
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祝更文順利ㄚ!!!118Please respect copyright.PENANApT0FhycznM
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