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No Plagiarism!3lRICiEVd3NkIUsRub6Fposted on PENANA 大致整個看過了~117Please respect copyright.PENANA6CjuObijjn
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我覺得寫得很好欸,尤其是簡介,有種日輕的感覺XDD,但後面可能是為了強調,字體有點大,但我覺得其實不需要這麼大的字…117Please respect copyright.PENANAEzfm8Haorp
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以下幫你修改看看目前最後一章,然後我的建議很不專業,看看就好哈哈117Please respect copyright.PENANAE7DZYbXHzK
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我很閒可以找我聊天或是聊寫作OwO8964 copyright protection113PENANAEbfz25S5N2 維尼
#94說走就走8964 copyright protection113PENANAvgHSn5XkYI 維尼
「啊啊啊啊啊——」117Please respect copyright.PENANA9ynymagwBr
8964 copyright protection113PENANAAZiKpog6ph 維尼
驚惶恐懼的尖叫聲響起,在茂林裡顯得孤寂悲壯,掀起回聲。8964 copyright protection113PENANAzgJjALo4tJ 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAfR6oDVRXSZ
8964 copyright protection113PENANAnu8qHPxwIx 維尼
「吵死了。」恐慌中,佇立在野地裡的人出聲。117Please respect copyright.PENANA8alyW22NyK
8964 copyright protection113PENANAJUwKIHf9gk 維尼
那人聲音顫抖中帶著故作的威嚴,說道:「不要再傷害他了,放手!」117Please respect copyright.PENANA1NaWmGprVe
8964 copyright protection113PENANAhblRZrI3AY 維尼
「攻擊西爾維就可以了,你要對西爾維做什麼都可以!」117Please respect copyright.PENANA111ZHmwFzE
8964 copyright protection113PENANAgy3vJZTtNz 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAzJDuJ9WBWW
8964 copyright protection113PENANAeUXwE1YkFW 維尼
「我已經在你們這些垃圾上花費太多時間了。」8964 copyright protection113PENANARlKdGHiOrQ 維尼
「讓開。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAfXjT3lGy0z
8964 copyright protection113PENANAHw3KrbXdJS 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANA77lvg1yRaX
8964 copyright protection113PENANAUVr1BUIhPv 維尼
「不要啊……不要帶走他……」口裡吐出的話語已不成聲,倔強得宛如野獸嘶吼前滾在喉腔裡的低鳴。117Please respect copyright.PENANAB8qVCcIzdg
8964 copyright protection113PENANAqVjGWBkqPd 維尼
「我不要!」117Please respect copyright.PENANAXOP6b3LGkv
8964 copyright protection113PENANAttzNSN41nk 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAqxmRG8enTX
8964 copyright protection113PENANAxVb8ZVj4mN 維尼
啪!8964 copyright protection113PENANAqZpwP6A6A9 維尼
那是巴掌烙下的聲音。8964 copyright protection113PENANAGtKMyuOiaL 維尼
「……心智配不上身體的廢物。」她薄唇微啟,帶著輕佻。8964 copyright protection113PENANApxcyRJTsdJ 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANA3S9tv2BZDz
8964 copyright protection113PENANAFwhAQmzFGa 維尼
這話一出口,萬籟俱寂。8964 copyright protection113PENANAf1UiSVrepO 維尼
大家都以為被揍的人會反咬,會反抗。117Please respect copyright.PENANA7SZd309YA5
8964 copyright protection113PENANAtp8cUX1pS0 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAFym4sxtX7w
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但是。8964 copyright protection113PENANABU7CscNFi9 維尼
「……沒錯……沒錯!」8964 copyright protection113PENANAHWbyTpdjLS 維尼
「打我就對了!」這話是來自西爾維。8964 copyright protection113PENANAlz5GeuBjDO 維尼
遍體鱗傷,卻昂首不斷肯定點頭。8964 copyright protection113PENANAl6YNnUntGy 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAAVmpdggRCd
8964 copyright protection113PENANACVxDhDXuc0 維尼
他很堅決。8964 copyright protection113PENANAycl7mYSyAd 維尼
「攻擊我。」8964 copyright protection113PENANAElxQKaYtkt 維尼
「直到妳滿意為止。」8964 copyright protection113PENANAdOdSKbdGJE 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAqUH0VZgm3Y
8964 copyright protection113PENANA1aPn4OUoCr 維尼
「……啊??」連施暴者也啞然。8964 copyright protection113PENANAJLFlWKgHEE 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAdR3E8MHp53
8964 copyright protection113PENANAPBCqcT2mRd 維尼
咚。8964 copyright protection113PENANADF3MR3211I 維尼
刀子落下的聲音。117Please respect copyright.PENANAEuFP2u3WGH
8964 copyright protection113PENANAryf6FgeyL2 維尼
接下來,是西爾維的聲音,沙啞不成聲:「很抱歉,之前對你這麼囂張。」8964 copyright protection113PENANAp3wfroF68O 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANA8eeQOtOPdo
8964 copyright protection113PENANANLWAxCpRxR 維尼
咚。8964 copyright protection113PENANA05SYkOMND5 維尼
身上不斷增加的傷痕和血液,他置若罔聞。117Please respect copyright.PENANA9jPXL6CLJ6
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「很抱歉,竟然試圖想要攻擊妳。」8964 copyright protection113PENANAV7ENjTFUO8 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAi89QAFhrLk
8964 copyright protection113PENANAEwcbxHEAtV 維尼
「要對我做什麼都可以。」117Please respect copyright.PENANARTcQl5VCfS
8964 copyright protection113PENANABOdwdrRirn 維尼
「原諒我。」他腥紅的血液淌在唇邊。8964 copyright protection113PENANAkD3tSZxRY4 維尼
「好不好。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAZOmE3ChbRP
8964 copyright protection113PENANAU3NHWCLgfm 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANAz5sMFsYW9w
8964 copyright protection113PENANAZwD2HOjbA7 維尼
落在他身上的武器聲音一聲接續一聲,沒停。117Please respect copyright.PENANAXGe38ctPqR
8964 copyright protection113PENANAojKljV9syh 維尼
「我是說真的,對不起。」117Please respect copyright.PENANAKkxpoLCbdF
8964 copyright protection113PENANAox37ijhUt7 維尼
117Please respect copyright.PENANApqgWwxwSVH
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「西爾維只是沒用的破爛樹枝而已。」8964 copyright protection113PENANAXIpARN3aBr 維尼
個人覺得寫得很好欸,主要問題是人稱~~117Please respect copyright.PENANArH3LdQbqfi
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不知道#94第一句「吵死了」這句話到底是哪個角色所說,建議改成:8964 copyright protection113PENANAq8bB7MFZ4g 維尼
XXX說:「(台詞)」117Please respect copyright.PENANAvxa6eJDaYn
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「(台詞)」XXX震怒吼道。8964 copyright protection113PENANAmcugpqvtle 維尼
反正就是在台詞前後寫出這句話是由誰所說,不然讀者會需要不斷從前後文中推敲,作者可能自己看得明白,讀者卻不知道這篇在說什麼117Please respect copyright.PENANAlSHhoCVgaz
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我覺得這個改了之後會好很多真的~希望有幫助到你~117Please respect copyright.PENANA5uV4nJRqme
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祝更文順利ㄚ!!!117Please respect copyright.PENANADd2MzuqUIx
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