8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwANgFSzXM
But even so, 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtGWc0yPI7
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiWHVGb6zA
And every image an equal mirror 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscxsDiMmSC
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnMOepXK6j
You've moved up my doe dear, 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtb0v67ROjA
From 8 to 80 scenes. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3dl1qARTU
All that follows is true.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnisrSHiE6
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqcEbF5rNq
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvjgKoX5yj
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Now62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcrjFmTzUg
Not tomorrow62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqmZijwipV
Yesterday62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh3U5pJqOW
It's happening now62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEm4ryJ8fj
The damage today62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozdpXzMSFx
The crazed and the misloved62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0xMiuAUGD
It's happening now 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZijoVQaKQ
Not tomorrow.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPm6HHJDPA
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2Zb9jBmsL
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0x1GtRDKts
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q5eTB6W7r
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rwDYkgZNb
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMITnQ8e9fA
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtJI0Bp0Dr
Picking at feet with 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UoQ2bcBeB
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgVsaE6CYb
Crazy. See them come out now62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0fcW6CQWP
Treading around town, 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpjQJjLSYe
Don't try to stop them, they’re 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4YF7Nlhnj
Starving, crazy. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UE3feyhfx
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Split up into cities devoid of community 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dF1kqzyHN
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvua6XYZ17v
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1JyIMwFAB
I know 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbVo2TgHcy
I know 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwoxIcxuti
I know that you hate them. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTFsO7zwTH
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And the universe warps 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzs3Dz3Xd6u
And my blood flow slows 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOm2sOxDkpt
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cVU3Pvco3
As we move further flow.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCFDlTLHdp
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTW4Wa8F8gw
I hear static when I cum62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzR4qHmjMi
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93mwKIm5Sz
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZjWpsL7HD
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHAZnNtnTl
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxJMpwtBzR
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7P6nfTSGnq
I’ve made such a fuss. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUx1e4unyD
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nEsdpAuR9
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1KHhvJMie
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYM6j0iswx6
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzlUA4ZiaX
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3pPEYVDfL
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovCd2FoaEa
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rxRCSNVu9
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End. Safe. Found.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzU0CpETK3o
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvEznmBwJg
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJliZsjtsYv
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcQBrZ7tUt
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ksnQ2qYCR
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl8yMf7z8v
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG5y8wyYPr
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQKk8AuOn5
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrvevE5fEN
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlbCI8YrDu
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQY47GKjzB
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33Ni2LvPJe
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRuCDyidA0
This world is huge and carnivorous. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolo14U8ID4
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE9PSvmS9Q
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRbTh1OpHT
Of the buildings which once were was.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZw1Bw8Q67
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEioEtqK01
Part one: I am dead and wake 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZr7Ib5SOr
Part two: I feel a new awakening 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgWpQePeXV
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRivntMUgF
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4mlY3ykA1
Part V: this was meant to become the end 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1s0uP8C35
Part 6: But then this 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHkiBpW9mx
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAq7LNXoFJ
Part eight: Backtracking begins 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEgG5xNMXM
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ef873JeHn
10: drunk now, I become the ending.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMvtOQoPqk
And that was Begbie’s story... 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5UKyywLV6
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVQGbtpI8p
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBjUsrPN0n
And I do not want this. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I2T3VqiZi
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Always take in more, for security, 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlTWD7Ui0e
Now I fly. (…)62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pWUZQ00q0
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVizjKLLSj0
The mind: 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjkjLuE9TR
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We touch the world 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMTkROUCvh
And it all falls away 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNWuUtp2nI
We hear the word 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBtytqyAbN
But it all burns with the day 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZ1Qm4ss2v
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Now our mother lies in blood 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTQFr0BWa3
Father swims away 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfztB6EwQyz
And we find us all alone 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdnR5qMZ0x
Sadness song plays. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiOgNvJJO6
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Was it found? 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNbfDyxIiN
What was spent? 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQz51vaMHU
Now that everything is lost62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dWyfG6oVo
What was found? What was spent? 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLTYZYbAlL
But a sadness song. 62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXdZ6zpmEo
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLM4RPvYcl
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