（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkljdhDTvMk
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchSFqq6OfE
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpr8SIJzhq
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvNy7MCuo1
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDCCtG4TYt
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLalLt1Tc6v
我滿意點頭。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuKcOl6QND
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMQOQbsHzb
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgUeT4MqcM
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvkvije0Vz
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LQ4pTn5nH
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR3pc9Slsx
「不知貴不貴？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49YS8zI9dL
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHZYZr1YvA
「應該還好。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQizjdm2PY
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyCAcKeJmA
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhitTzQRmnH
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKNTa1Y7ma
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYtLJL1tyG
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bLtSJ7B4K
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjohXdztHk
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyfPyAftYt
我震驚了。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbavpED7MX
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZut38emYZW
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicGbNJ0fGI
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsDgypav38
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfngbIAhBp
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmKxB7g5NN
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvjsf0heLM
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgg6TsGvTU
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XWe75GB8S
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaLMlpIRXZ
What the hell?742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡittrEKDjqg
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6s0NWC0jT
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZAH1H4QdN
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhykiESC28
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANNOd2YchU
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExqhTEpWbg
嘶——742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusFF3wQ9uM
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfjr7DXxyp
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcXdUvT6ou
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡligQMFWOJz
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhYBYjFNIz
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJ7GZj2Fct
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCL426tDDI
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbUJ08O0qT
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRviWddggt
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEm6BCezTmA
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRiFjqTS45
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHkP7l0cE0
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16jlzamMwr
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8gzlqBMnL
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzbtkxVN7l
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bBD2L8mNg
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmAMfFEyL0
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGVdg2cGgE
然而高個子不為所動！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaCKXlL0oy
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrTOsyjoQc
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkDP2c6ilj
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWOdgYU1op
高個子依然面不改色！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFMCYyPJZI
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJwI6VRHjf
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1nKDlTT3m
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTFFHeMZSh
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufVx764YrW
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHi5ETgR3m
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tLarYMg2W
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpetzGz8L0
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aMCjwWNGm
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGG01APWr2
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVqwtqNqS9
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UQcLgBGpK
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZIxIooBkT
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE07N1VTCKP
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1JBsHfYT3
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2kdaRj2cv
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndbHo6MYjS
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWSUCkIsbh
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpLOrHelsm
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitbHHwyJ1K
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTZlat45fq
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNDPWwjve8
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVls6btgie
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0T4t5sTAOg
「所以不能吃嗎？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70XdJNLjeT
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0AOCcBlfk
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡff2vIj35va
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIwOH1WODA
「但我餓了。」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuD4l1vAvd
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58CvhRCAdP
「……」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrC0daq4ap7
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO64tnWqqS
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBN45LhqQhC
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzd7vROSSg9
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQNt4jkL8a
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPxVKHfue0
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttIlzHTrUD
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0mspKavIj
「小語……小語……」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdjk5cQXX6
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XEUGY631V
Gya——742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9tu0gs99K
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe80IiEpb1p
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9YieseHJ4
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38BSO16ylX
They are fucking gay!742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfBwR4IZm2
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPDAKVaQ2c
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0iUVIT1Zm
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZGeHG3g6n
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgdgAGJHmT
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jIwEMy0wp
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JpVX4jp6T
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hI4Cm3wtj
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gTvBLzfvj
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB19cAEHsVg
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd4Ma0LBNQ
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjXROXQlcE
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHm5BHDh9f
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQWNdxwSLQ
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tvIjLGpQB
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxunlQd3udt
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoZr4fMLCG
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
742Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KTMAixYjm
