（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjcXpY6ZyP
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKfgPahlIk
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rlUV77yXG
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9yEPycbdc
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我滿意點頭。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxRw8LsHqh
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdKHqVfFCO
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bOXUI9ypG
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeH6E06oLY0
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvljGZVutBc
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTnTVAepsZ
「不知貴不貴？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JAXU8NkhF
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yJsXPI4zE
「應該還好。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUKrKXu0wZ
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOH4EY1ILUy
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG9AeSRGwf
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQzna45M3e
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6XluXlHjw
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AMiXfpbDF
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OxNchMUDj
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我震驚了。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwY60euSqB
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4tZub5GCg
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWzuiHaXdu
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaSf9Ktob2
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjE73OS5nr
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy8TqoyyBq
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwnOE8ewqr
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHckPJJeMz3
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim5MJFnDxx
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK9q1cHATm
What the hell?760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKatlOJA0oN
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nD4b7fPKN
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9KqRo1yk8
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFylojpaVHq
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8WhvMyqw3
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4M867cr4b
嘶——760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMzEH5sP82
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrxR2OCSSv
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEIj6DdecF
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbC0IPBdpA
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQm7CN6SM9
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPIOFjylaF
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27iwy44lxb
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA4NuXPCGE
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtc2mZ1MJk
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g81dfsEjc
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkIPAqxHCH
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3XScyHvXd
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK47Fac20F
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbyM7ewej3
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsUWLR9HXM
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9Zqc8g7CJ
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFq84Fs6fL
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7mUp8jpPd
然而高個子不為所動！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeA8V0p32Ig
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOx3YjmpdWh
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMdhXSsXeV
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjuKsVnUHI
高個子依然面不改色！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGVcFCEAny
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUIfDO6mi1
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wCg5PxVZT
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yh2yZzxUV
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYusF7Kn7l
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFLdRUgnDY
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnihFXSklru
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfdHPyXthP
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsBwBRzx5q
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgb559KAueB
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGN9hBJdPza
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbHekGmfPh
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrcGrecmYZ
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlmQdPa1js
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1mQMBZrgB
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyHnXEA0rJ
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iGkvXvcpb
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0Z2n1TMbQ
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHKu0AHhlR
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEAhy0FZPH
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6ggUdfeta
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV072Z6mDRv
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7Zi5OxmMm
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIihYLk4v5
「所以不能吃嗎？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy90mp8R2SF
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjHtC8CSO0
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfi53ypMzL
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6n7ho5FAv
「但我餓了。」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡti2lkaWGXJ
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr69T3HJZ3
「……」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoEGYDDrD4
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5WGNe5f4n
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn0xTqKd3W
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDuCdfeXeT
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlkF5ZLLLk
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnFAEZIsWM
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo3IlRxjta
「小語……小語……」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzzfLF7apP
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Gya——760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGuHxikRoK
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBwSWHozMj
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They are fucking gay!760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHzNFEh52N
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oz2a37cBN
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrLsD8N0s1
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6omCHdS0z1
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXydCEBjLJ
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9YDAKkPVs
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMPbTmAity
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCePIK6EM2C
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7juiKfXDL
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzM9XNbt9o
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIAh1fYIsU
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiGmovwWOw
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYuHWggQrr
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH2TepGt0g
760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4laJqTWkp
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）760Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fRRn8auH7
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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