（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VFleHeXlC
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjji6Vx44j
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n1fcZHGu4
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7Mm4BRdRs
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我滿意點頭。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNubdZFWYhd
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq2PsWhsgc
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1lPGTkTat
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSrNRa6uuK
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvyyArAXpK
「不知貴不貴？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHJ8IENkFQ
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub1T3qIKsY
「應該還好。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsuOAOTLTD
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4ojK7aqD5
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJYVDzlc7k
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QbH57gVDs
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHcNanipWa
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ky3QeP6wj
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlykG32q1CK
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMkPqtHgun
我震驚了。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGGIxQ5v8m
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZTb3fpl46
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23FKtMoW8Q
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2Ua7tyoZx
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsEA02cbM6
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp698bpxkGo
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoyTIV5Vad
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM20Kei08L
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQ2X8E4pCt
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What the hell?710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1chfxDtowl
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h8ZQpUYXs
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oMe5RDw1Z
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2kDa38q7U
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK64F2u4ScB
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嘶——710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WfT30MSQt
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我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRZ0MvdRH6
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGASGNFkxt
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCD7QA8SOxE
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZruehLVo7
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZoPWsB1tW
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAoLEAxClJ
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQWQa8Jjdn
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pea99n9uf
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAec7CaBVU
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAcTYzEXmH
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGskShfywfm
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXznZA7g3K
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrUQuQ8R8G
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPi4ZxZIY9
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGoi03bbLU
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然而高個子不為所動！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpO8NvQJYX
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdM3Zx9jaJ
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwSgRtcw4s
高個子依然面不改色！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDm29cRJwG5
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsMG5tZog8
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAOycPLkEn
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp5kXTtR4k
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOmXEQIeon
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPVEgBrpTu
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEScJ2cdG95
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn7weSczrG
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8qnArvRRP
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKfrSlKvIl
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmsxpmgrbS
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoQHGQIRst
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJn9mqIUUD0
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1niFiz0nc
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57b18Zmaur
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEWKq7jP9K
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsiElbjJJN
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHMe2yjuRV
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3a2katxeH
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「為什麼要擺那包零食？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBTiJowNW8
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NwrwMYBDY
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcbFD3qPE5
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJejXGBl1np
「所以不能吃嗎？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7VCkfu3Xv
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPH3dh1F8v
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「但我餓了。」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmTbvd9JHg
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「……」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Mg9uTdFtw
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThdWP3IcBa
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4NXl1faQe
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXji6zSbZFV
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKhvGTZJNJ
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsh9rbT1Is
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdkhlJS6qM
「小語……小語……」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVP6Eoprhs
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Gya——710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUHmA2D0x5
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUDRD0Sy8i
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They are fucking gay!710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2oQ8tVPxF
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLorIbHQ9Do
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0z83i2mD9a
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKEWZ7AdWl
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MrHhByAym
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4X5DNEqR5
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHe0zE1Lyy
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcAR20GVcp
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhGMBlfb2j
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rQ5Mep4RU
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu8xmWVWH6
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF26fCAClM
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKJNzGgLvo
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmh2wT8VJ2
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjYaf2zR2f
710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpSE4hTm02
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）710Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ324yDk8MNL
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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