「你還可以嗎？」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B49gsKPa8
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGmVOQ0eub
「無法不可以。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvBZbz0e2e
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyjVhDJggo
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSSvgagPYv
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CBnEspfd5
「謝謝你。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRKPqJwQRJ
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfoHovhMbr
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXT6QJ8HsQd
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInkmu7ude9
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjPQMuAPqO
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr9NgKbHyo
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wbF0VgvAX
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcY5IUOQVD
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGotJRdEq5
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3mLiY8VF2
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78DKj2Ws7S
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8SizxBger
「老婆……」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis8nYJu6cO
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8plnqjqwo
「有困難？金錢？」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAsodDS5H0
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoO5qxNHp06
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbcqpDRMbk
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33Zy6PRPiU
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44qhIhReKd
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yWGpCMr75
「嗯。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AQEvgq2OY
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62DUWJYIqm
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nR6QgE4AO
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTUJ3tRhwN
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN07FaGz4UP
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXZZOEYli5
無能。無力。無奈。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuCyHzEQ1J
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4a8xuCWWpo
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaR3Q6r7Yc
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiNhEjqZuw
剪不斷，理還亂。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIEs2qeWMy
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTu0Uregv9
勿剪，別理。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpTpOY9t39
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UjzOrVROr
待時日將其化解。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpz8XWAMbeU
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlHStlYrsU
莫操心。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYF39vsLIp6
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSozFjanR3D
莫操心？621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2sUBIesdD
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EFEMvBQch
如何莫操心？621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WyZFFi0Wk
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmRuV2aWmA
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAMTLO5BNk
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9V66rP2Ui4
撐多久？如何撐？621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW7JB0dkVJ
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0O8VXOSjSp
不知道……621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AHvGGgk88
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJZwnG3SpJ
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbys5bos4Z
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKsZo5hv1R
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna5nOgT6Dd
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxD9nTwVvHg
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuNQUfifKk
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKL2WBJyWF
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSAWenlkAs
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxGeoc5mGa
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5jXTus2gz
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0r4MmZQD8i
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuiv77XnpU
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCawJocwe6m
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQMzEMbAZD
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkac2tuIwA
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeaTQu7TUP
我笑。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hThm3kywY
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnuvIFwE8P
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qVxfM83b0
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSRGRhfMDb
忽爾不想回家。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuExHhMws6
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub7r27Al9Q
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBkvX5TuFN
「好的。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOBo1umNNP
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nSlosigYn
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIPrhdu9I2
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gZ8pB6K2O
只會苦了自己。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0xp8NALRB
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJBp5ia1Bq
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDRmg0fUuW
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PcdL2CJK0
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKp3kszmpRl
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj3XMLST8h
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzmyhaKr5e
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINnMBLnUEf
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawZyKj20U9
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocgXrwn0IR
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVLdClnG1E
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnELeAjIvMW
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqogjzPAnPt
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvnXVGBpLX
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZUwamYdwo
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdcawxlbaq
一、二、三、四、五……621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVH7HkrkrCR
註：621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUiPhiHpvL
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxeDZLBR1c
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnZOJouN2L
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIF1KfCPyhF
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyt5DgmFJc
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOfiCoRYa5
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzDXMqzLTy
621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W8kGKNRd9
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》621Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeEsQJoixb
