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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRWdLLb7u5
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolGsGDFeDN
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2iaBKx3O2
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSk6slX8ho2
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxSOIpS88o
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6oLTu0Q2t
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0OmtHdjgh
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbO43YhxTjp
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEJhmhTqur
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmznkhusbvQ
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqnuVSDZRu
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaZmliZmpb
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GQcdP2gAm
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLVbqDmaak
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFENYrvnGF
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJenEz98zOB
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wzWes03DR
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsavreCrhE
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LvD4VCXo7
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1hXT9MgUd
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXh29XCX2Ms
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu4is5jADk
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYj5fswbMu
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnmbDUK8E2
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiehstoQ0C0
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxVPPOTXgn
You've met?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpAnKSkHG8
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAf5ROmMjlN
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHRr1Fnvcp
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKccr1mSK0z
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpiNknbjjh
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWMQokk6FZ
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGSlMWNcNg
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH9F9gD3wa
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvEeBErLmF
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElzfG81Nvs
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbYCclDsVB
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG1wKpkPaU
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeryMzf6Xz0
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA65CrCHhJo
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAEAwUOjyk
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqQUBIjvsi
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLKU7vgMFW
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZ72J4RSwR
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZO1LNDrBa
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolPqAIK86r
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyIioowXMr
I know that already!
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOmhbo1jGM
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIsnA5dfYk
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoptq5c2HQ
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97tRWkADjf
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgP2iEVzwF
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmRJPHHnAU
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJC6DZ6EcAc
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAbdgqZBp3
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4NZ3ORNm9
No you're not!
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SHARON198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1qaNSdydY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3s8pqcVh1
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8BFjtmMKd
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpNlPwlO2s
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GfSs9FPVO
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cv4ApMSSm
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FgNr2vXHw
What?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO8qtl7fAF
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxq7dBNEJLk
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0Lsw4NVhz
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAwNKQTnuD
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CZmTO5Ev2
Long enough.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhohHzEfiFL
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbbbhQ0L8F
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfr3ZcAGWq
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyR5OUA7RS
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzfOqlcsVI
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyzFRMN5By
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmIr78EtD8
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDTJFxGcJU
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSGMKs20ez
Well, if you insist.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zr4kIfqQj
GREGORY takes the ring.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPeBztUD8P
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZoPCtFUzX
Thank you.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3auYi3tgav
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbstmPMTmP5
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vJchmo5ke
Does this mean you want me back?
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzOCgACtcF
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlARmIpAZ9
HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTCPL7Czp1
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtaX6NjY7X
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDggye7bTEx
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj96mmKdEJf
Well you can't have me.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTER9Mo1JE
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1yhdDoMdE
HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYepejd6C4
WHAT?
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn00lFRuTP
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyyvuvUWmi
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUBoB4HQYu
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ThWeqig5L
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhQcOsF2Yt
HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaOI70vyR1
But...
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZINAaesyu
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m95LuPxa3
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rhPq0kUh6
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fgCYk47DW
CHANTAL grins.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvKQJBTb6K
HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdodl8SXFQr
But...
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR14vrvssUq
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuyxhZkhb7
CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilRlwfgwne
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJHRKHvAvU
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNcqF8n51l
HARRY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGvZpEZPk6
Gregory?
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg7GPD4Q2t
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCCLZ53tYZ
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VQTXK3twX
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXnq5TP5g0
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwad70lRa4
CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurBPUs1T1S
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOB1PCiJoI
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP0kU1BkhH
GREGORY198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvPLfPDoUE
Of course you are!
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjKUwsM50W
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pE6GLbNYI
CHANTAL198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVpN7FfMQ6
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIEgcF78dn
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NBtY3CIiE
THE END
ns3.141.33.133da2
