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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Cpk1HDayZ
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo75Wjam0es
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo9Q0gKyaG
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB77GnUNd6
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2QNwZ5Jf9
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJBu4lH6co
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQlTQBPYoY
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yLFaRHd9i
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvmZtQA8bx
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxawmWYntR
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cMHD8lVuc
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Q6ogZATpz
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbTYPxmceY
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWuVbjolGW
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty4L9sD7Tw
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9OmqfRMtG
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuZvjdz48E
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYlj3rasmg
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdRsnYI1qP
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhD2RgOdAAg
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvvoU7D7BD
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2TSjAnPHH
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7jgkbnqEQ
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFROMuS77q
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUymblYCW2
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEihTsGVz1
You've met?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHS8FhY8KSv
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lbBY1NyJz
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtxJWkMSu1
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK34IeYfd7N
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE9UCCrMTf
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzC3zfm329J
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwBEofhdYi
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmP4YWXPkYV
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXJqD7Q40X
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNJHKMNktD
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfjbTN5k9D
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrrSwdp24V
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKbP5ZOwvw
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnULYIzlAz
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5EL5IJhi2
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNjionEPHO
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlUQiNNUb8
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiINAHm2rgX
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRurxtxVXih
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6w1IbmubY
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtKqkJJvJ2
I know that already!
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUATRnzRQG
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy4MjmG0cU
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA7DmKP4X7
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjKGFt6axf
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b75E0976z
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRcmYvvgqk
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqhUp3P9UZ
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4i68rbTzu
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvfRRx7FQt
No you're not!
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SHARON203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceaWUkE7Dm
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVbvdxv1Pv
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYN8tNjp8Mg
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuwSentLtu
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRcAzTLFRj
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFyqV5pYk9
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2nJpSatW6
What?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt55gbWGhE
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYAPgsqD0J
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryBHP5UbVk
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskxlJo6oSk
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFcefezB64
Long enough.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYR5p9XUpW4
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYO3DNQJKAg
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQm5G4uwJJ
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHaH9YgaBE
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUJb4b3ouB
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgb7R8PWiW
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZD7x1V6Z0
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0NNtVRuhN
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw0X2O69fE
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekbJGPPjBt
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWS6z2i85K6
GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZB5b57WJQ
Does this mean you want me back?
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq5zjQZMiK
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzxyoJKyKT
HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeNkHxy2Py
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkYalxdM0x
Well you can't have me.
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203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9XfkPxRnd
HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡardmLPX1vo
WHAT?
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203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYfM3uamNd
GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xCwT41py7
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMNffr3htJ
But...
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203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SMvdP1VKp
GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPAQe4awQq
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYctMwMCF56
But...
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203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXyAm7xGHB
CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUKBacRih5
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCAHrifmgY
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HARRY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAph9Nemsqk
Gregory?
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GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHCoJNvzrp
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UBlXc98DC
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
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203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLnwUkRtuY
GREGORY203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4AERPzfyf
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7bYSnLXGD
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
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203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9TjIeoWlj
THE END
ns3.136.26.17da2
