Drunk219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOR31KcJfN
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✳Get yourself together you didn't kill somebody✳
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Crystal Valerie Beck
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I can't even look Alex in the eyes without feeling my cheek heating up "where do you see your self in ten years" probably with a lot of food in my pantry "in twenty thirty five I guess" I answer "it is not a mathematics question, is it?" Always count on sae won, little bitch "in ten years I should be thirty seven" why did I stop calling him ajussi when he is literally an ajjusi "he's so old already" I whisper to moon who nods in agreement
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"I'm just twenty seven" he is five years older than me, he is old "you are old" he looks like he doesn't have the energy to argue with me "I see my self as a better person, a more matured version of me" he is already quite matured he takes care of six kids, I say he is ready to have children
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"I think my answer would be the same thing as his" Alex nods "you would be thirty four?" I joked, I know his answer would be no "no, I mean yes" I laugh, moon joins in too
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"but I would be a better person" he is already the best version of him self "I would be a better person too" they chorused the answer
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I have to drink again don't I "should I help you" I made a face to tell him he wants to be on the list of people I seduced and he chuckles, I can communicate with them without putting it in word, it feels like an achievement to be this close to them, I nod "I said I wouldn't drink alcohol this much again" I'm already quite tipsy "what is the worst combination of food" sae won is going to jump on the first wagon to answer that question "there should never be pineapple on pizza" alex and I said that along with him, he has always been particular about that "I don't think any food is bad honestly" min woo hyung, one thing i like about him, we've always been on the same train when it comes to food and checking roo won's answers
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"Yeah me too" we are the ones drinking again "I can't find any problem with food, I don't want to drink" min woo whined "I don't think egg plant should be eaten at all" it is not competing with your eggplant or is it, I chuckle to my self, I should stop finding every word dirty "we are the one drinking again" I drink my shot while making a face
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"Three things you would like to change about you" I have a lot of things I want to change, I don't want to say it but I also don't want to drink this time again "I hate being emotional, I want to start eating less, I want to stop being scared of cockroaches"
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"You're weird like that" jae Joon says "how can you watch every horror movies without flinching even with the most hard core scene and you run the other way whenever you see a cockroach" I always ask my self that too
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"I want to be able to be more open with my feelings, I want to go back to when I was younger and change one thing, I want to start eating more" we all want different thing don't we, but he is already very open about his feelings, he should be a therapist really, he gets people to open up to him
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My smile faltered a little when sae won looked at me when we were talking about relationship, I don't think they know but they've been giving me this eyes and Hyunjoon is a bit withdrawn
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He isn't joking around with me as much as he does and when I ate his food he didn't even say anything, he only said he bought it for me
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"So you're saying you've never been in a relationship" i asked sae won who only nods "well that means you're still available for the fans" I drew my conclusion "should I send my application letter" I taunt him with a big smile on my face, like I've said he has always been considered like a brother to me "I don't know should you" he jokes back and I squeeze my face "no" I say firmly "she started the game and she couldn't finish it" min woo pipes in "just like you start the gay chicken game with alex and you always end up chickening away" he shouldn't attack me
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I feel like they are all talking to me just because they have to not because they want to, I'm on edge
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Don't blame me I'm fucking paranoid
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"Are you okay" jae Joon asked out of no where, am I?
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"Yes, yes" I'm just not as stable as I thought I would be, I feel like you guys like me and I feel like you don't, i should really see a psychiatrist, not a therapist
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"You're not" sae won said "we should go get something to eat" I suggest, my only way to make this conversation go else where really "yeah we should get something to eat" I love jae Joon
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"What should I eat?" I turn to hyun Joon to ask and he just turned away from me, there, right there is why I haven't been okay adding to the awkward and jumbled mess my mind has been since I've been sneaking around with Alex
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"I would just have some hamburger and Pepsi please" I whispered "should I make the order" i ask "아니, 우리는 그것을 얻으러 갈거야no, we are going to get it" Mr Kim says, he is the one that stays with us
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He is also one of the handsome tall glass of water, one of my many crushes among the various staffs, their staffs could also pass as idols
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I excused my self and went up to my room
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I feel so down and my phone is doing nothing to help, there is nothing to do, absolutely nothing to do on it
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Hyunjoon and sae won are going live today at about three pm, maybe i should just stay up here and watch him be happy on the screen
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Maybe I should make another account and comment through it, and that is exactly what I did
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"Thank you, thank you, but I bet you look nicer" hyun Joon replied the comment about him looking nice today, he has never looked bad a day in his life, he is just too humble to admit he is one of God's favourite
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Normally I comment and ask what they planned for tommorow but I know what their plan is, hyun Joon maybe giving me a cold shoulder but moon hasn't done that yet
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Even in the midst of all my paranoia I trust moon really likes me
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'have you eaten'
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I commented, I know the answer I just wanna communicate with him even if it is through this barrier "no, but we are about to do you wanna join us" I just like the fact that he flirts with fans like there is no tommorow and he is always literally a jumbled mess when it comes to interacting with females out side of his social norms
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'I wanna join what are you having?'
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"I'm having hamburger and Pepsi, it would be here soon" he is having what I'm having and he literally didn't even talk to me, I wonder what I did to him
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'That's the same thing I'm having this afternoon, what a coincidence'
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He just smiles, it is really crazy how they are practically replying every comments but when I used to comment on their lives they don't really reply me
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'What about you sae won hyung?'
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Just as I finished typing that I saw a comment and I started typing a reply on impulse
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'I wonder why people watch you guys'
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Well it is one of those sons of bitches
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'The same reason they don't give a fuck about you, they know what matters'
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I had finished replying before I realized I'm not supposed to be doing that, will they know I'm the one, well there are probably hundreds of people that replies to hate comments
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'I'm really having some issues right now can you say a word of motivation'
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It wasn't answered immediately but he did later
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"Fighting" sae won oppa said and hyun Joon did the same I feel motivated actually
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Maybe I should just get out of my shell and ask Hyunjoon what is wrong with him
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It is not always about me and he might just be in a place right now that he doesn't even know that he is snubbing me
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I created that fake sense of hope
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I was about typing another thing when I heard the door, I quickly stand up, immediately putting off my phone, they shouldn't catch me doing this
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"Why do you look like you were doing drugs, were you?" jae Joon tried to peak into the room, I tried blocking his way but who am I kidding, he is built like a fucking machine
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"What have you gained from this" I ask with all seriousness "I should know what you are up to, I know it actually, I can clearly hear it" I don't like him anymore
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"You can just go to the office and you're here sneak watching them" caught red handed "I wasn't sneak watching, I just had nothing to do" he pat my shoulder
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"You know I'm like you and I always know when something is wrong because we have the same response to things, we all care for you and Hyunjoon is just being in his own place right now, so don't mind him" when I thought I was masking my discomfort well there he is reading me like a open book
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"Think about Alex too" why would he say that, what does Alex have to do about all this "well for one I know you guys are in some sort of relationship" well I'll be damned "he thinks he is the reason why you are so withdrawn" he isn't, I just suddenly feel out of place with you guys and I think coming here was a bad idea
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"Hyun joon will come around" I nod "did I do anything to him?" I ask, I just wanna know why he suddenly started acting like that
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"No you didn't, he'll come around" I nod a little, jae joon hyung as always been reassuring
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I don't wanna read all this monlogue, I have to sleep and rest, I haven't been sleeping well lately and this is the first thing they are giving me early this morning, a script to practice "you said the audition isn't until next month" they really should start having some sort of plan and they should stop doing things that can affect me, I am not an actress and I am doing this because I see everything I'm doing here like my part time job at home, something to earn me money
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They can't just wake me up and hand me a script "I know you can do it" I can't and hearing I can do it from Mr bang isn't comforting he should have asked someone else to do it instead, he is not cut out for giving pep talk
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I wouldn't even try to memorize this if Ri na unni hadn't told me I shouldn't decline it
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"I thought I would come to help you guys today but I can't come" I showed him the script "see you in two days" I was going to follow them and be one of the staff
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that is what I wanted to do it, be around Alex, I'm not clingy, we're still in that honey moon phase
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I don't have separation anxiety or anything I just don't want to be alone in this house, well there is Rina unni staying but there still won't be chaos
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"We'll face time" that's a good idea, I didn't think of that before "yeah" I gave him a side hug and waved at him as he got into the bus "unni will miss you" lord, I've become too attached to them "I blew him a kiss and I laughed as I watch him catch it and throw it into his bag
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My phone dinged, I checked who it is,
I was expecting Paris call
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It is alex and all it said is 'come to my room'
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..
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I open his door without knocking "you're here" he pats the empty part of his bed by his side, the rest is covered with scattered cloth
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He isn't an untidy person but they were invited to the concert of one of the artist they are going to collaborate with for their new album and it is impromptu
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I've heard some demos of some of the song and I honestly feel like a very lucky fan "I seriously don't wanna leave" I understand I wanna be in my bed right now but I already have my day planned for me "how about the drama" he points at the script "it really isn't a lot of scenes, i just have to be a friend to the main character" I have the audition script with me but Mr bang got the script because the main lead has already been chosen and it is someone from this agency "I mean do you like to do it" I shrug again, I don't even know what I like at this point in life, I'm just going with the flow hoping it doesn't ditch me somewhere I won't like
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"The agency can be pushy sometimes, but Mr Bang is nice and I'm sure he would help" that is why looking hostile doesn't mean you are
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Most of the people that has been nice to me my whole life were people who I thought were going to be hard to deal with
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*but if you think it is too much you can reject it" I nod, feeling important that he cares about me "I should tell you a secret" I nod excited, I love knowing peoples secret "you are making money for the company" I am? "The show is unexpectedly a success, a big one" that still bothers me everyday, how did it get so many viewers and how did it break records "maybe because it is a concept that has never been done before" he nods "who thought of it?" I'm sure the company won't start something that doesn't have at least seventy percent chance of success
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"We are already using up so much time" he chuckles, is that his way of changing the topic, I chuckled "see you on Thursday then" I wanted to go in for a hug but given the angle he is in it is going to be very awkward and I have been running away from those situations lately, I don't want to accidentally injure him again
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"Are you just going to leave like that" of course what do you want me to do, have some bed of roses on a silver platter then do a goodbye dance for you, I chuckle at my thought
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Well imagine that "no good bye kiss" my cheek started to feel warm immediately, I am dark skinned and I break all odds when it comes to him, who said black people don't blush
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You know my response to what he said, yeah exactly make a run for it, I dashed towards the door ready to open and leave "easy there cheetah" he said as he caught my hand, I shyly tried place a kiss on his cheek but he turned and I kissed his lips instead
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He wasted no time in deepening the kiss and I should just start confessing my sins right now cause I'm at the heavens gate
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"I'll miss you" he said as he placed a light peck on my temple
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We both walked downstairs together, I ran towards sae won hyung "you almost didn't tell me good bye" he looks behind me "it is not my fault, I've been looking for you" he looks between the both of us suspiciously but I ignore his look, I hug him and started lecturing him on things to say to me "what are you supposed to say now hyung?" I know he doesn't want to be here "I'll miss you my dear dongseang" he mimics the little pep talk I had given him days before, accentuating the fact that he is being forced to say it "you love me though" I smile like a maniac before hugging him again "you keep him in check but you also bring out the worst in him, Ri na noona would be so proud of you" jae joon gives a thumb up
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I was about to start my lecturing with him "save the love and affection, I know you'll miss me, my presence is quite important and I also know we are only leaving for two day" they said they were going for two days the last time and they ended up spending two weeks while going from one schedule to the other
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I pouted "I talked to Ajussi, you can come if our schedules get tighter, when you are done with the audition" yay, one of the benefits of being here
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