x
No Plagiarism!ABBnX1w3IfonqfjNtQ9Yposted on PENANA 【評文表單】557Please respect copyright.PENANAPe79nGahZA
8964 copyright protection553PENANAfvWrZ7Waqo 維尼
筆名:荷糖月色8964 copyright protection553PENANAOCffUmcNiY 維尼
書名:師尊他在劫難逃(POPO有喔,大家喜歡可以去看!)8964 copyright protection553PENANAf8OqQBoGIR 維尼
類型:古風仙俠耽美8964 copyright protection553PENANAEOQmQbaJfB 維尼
寫這本書的目的:連載小說8964 copyright protection553PENANA1dNIqAXjHw 維尼
目標觀眾:喜歡師尊受類型的觀眾8964 copyright protection553PENANAGsfLgvnRLJ 維尼
一句話點出主旨:徒弟與師尊的風花雪月8964 copyright protection553PENANAoTfr6QUvpO 維尼
大綱:X8964 copyright protection553PENANAWOOcxUhmY3 維尼
期望評論時多加注意的部分:劇情的結構;讀者閱讀感受8964 copyright protection553PENANA9QUVd3eyUC 維尼
其餘備註:無8964 copyright protection553PENANAvs1FLk8kWz 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANANtXr5uv0YE
8964 copyright protection553PENANAtcFCkpEbNj 維尼
文章連結:8964 copyright protection553PENANAkXCmsS7h8O 維尼
https://www.popo.tw/books/7903078964 copyright protection553PENANACpgRxnopkK 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAeEylrSWl4L
8964 copyright protection553PENANAQSqxzM79v2 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2DcalWyvJ
8964 copyright protection553PENANAGBMGARqhhN 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAs6wiga03Qq
8964 copyright protection553PENANAGplep9ZVTw 維尼
【心得】557Please respect copyright.PENANAWSwJsBBDP4
8964 copyright protection553PENANACpFyK71U5F 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAlqv2EtEEt8
8964 copyright protection553PENANADCNq5dxixl 維尼
一部趣味、讓腐女看了會瘋狂姨母笑的小說!8964 copyright protection553PENANAumIZRe4Oit 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA5RcVjXk5cZ
8964 copyright protection553PENANAjfD59jXATG 維尼
這是一本中國風格的修仙連載網路小說。對阿洛來說,如果節奏再緊湊,很可能會有上榜或出書的機會!8964 copyright protection553PENANALpu4cIeeek 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAlSWh1wYbe2
8964 copyright protection553PENANAFZc9UYajrS 維尼
故事一開始,魔族滅門某門派,師尊(受)因來晚了而自責不已,努力尋找生還的跡象,就在絕望之時,聽到岩壁中發出聲響,沒想到存活之人竟是魔族用盡氣力存活的化生!8964 copyright protection553PENANAgTE2hTHfHU 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAdDmD5ACR8M
8964 copyright protection553PENANAqXJxCJNxit 維尼
受絲毫察覺不到異狀,甚至將自己的仙丹剖一半給魔族(攻)。冷血的攻遭世人背叛,早已對世界心死,沒想到世界上竟還有一名如此心胸寬大之人!魔族鐵鑄的心頓時動搖了。究竟這些複雜交錯的情感會產生什麼故事呢?阿洛也很想看下去!8964 copyright protection553PENANAVz6ahkkUxT 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAvTUjEBdZQB
8964 copyright protection553PENANA1B3CBnVShu 維尼
雖然作者說他的設定都是套路,但對阿洛來說非常新奇!光是角色背景設定的部分,就已經擦撞出許多「衝突點」了!8964 copyright protection553PENANAg5tzcAOm9N 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANALN8Ev0p8Ms
8964 copyright protection553PENANAL1TbUelnlw 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAFBLFBC3ZAg
557Please respect copyright.PENANA040LbMC10p
8964 copyright protection553PENANA9VG0tmI0gN 維尼
【亮點】8964 copyright protection553PENANAc4g1lN0yT4 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAKopBdi0sir
8964 copyright protection553PENANAyujIH5IK77 維尼
荷糖月色流暢的文筆,即便是不常看古風的阿洛,讀起來也完全沒有不適感或生硬感。相反地,字句非常流暢,會讓人一直想看下去(這邊單指文筆,不指劇情,請繼續閱讀)。8964 copyright protection553PENANAKvpPxUlSyT 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAfxpInuFt8Z
8964 copyright protection553PENANAtA1qbzo6Ho 維尼
角色刻劃十分鮮明,不論是心懷天下的受、情感糾雜多變的攻,還是千萬別得罪的配角醫修,都有相當鮮明的「記憶點」。讓人第一眼就能記得這個角色的特徵、個性。8964 copyright protection553PENANAuTC9uHaMaq 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAZHZLgi4TRh
8964 copyright protection553PENANAnUQ1VKajNP 維尼
沒錯,這是每個作者都應該努力的方向!8964 copyright protection553PENANAxd3G9VP9Gq 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAl3d28mCfGk
8964 copyright protection553PENANAFBsHGqPGaX 維尼
關於info dump,中文翻作什麼阿洛忘記了,大概就是指一次將許多資訊硬塞給讀者。阿洛看得出來這本書有許多的info dump,但很奇妙的是,並不會影響到阿洛閱讀耶!而且,作者採用的是大量的倒敘法,依然沒有給人資訊爆炸的感覺。8964 copyright protection553PENANA7eF2hsqgmw 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAiAv3yTkLzI
8964 copyright protection553PENANABDPbE1l6Zh 維尼
這給了我們一個啟發:info dump是可以的,前提是「在讀者需要的時候才給他們資訊。」8964 copyright protection553PENANA2yLGi3qI2e 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA38lJWk713B
8964 copyright protection553PENANAAaDfTIUZEu 維尼
這很重要,因為info是無可避免的,作者們能做的就是盡量減少讓讀者跳脫沉浸在閱讀中的情況。8964 copyright protection553PENANA6WtLYEJBTJ 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAdPdfkYl3Es
8964 copyright protection553PENANAdK4B2BstZm 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAPdEdjr8CkU
557Please respect copyright.PENANASsJBzMuor6
8964 copyright protection553PENANA53WC9tduZs 維尼
【缺點與建議】8964 copyright protection553PENANA8k5glLauUX 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA6M4zeV4zKx
8964 copyright protection553PENANAqokqJjPgGJ 維尼
亮點第一段所提的「會一直想看下去」,單指文筆,不指劇情。文筆真的流暢到不可言喻,但劇情上沒有「推進」。劇情感覺像一攤死水,總是在一個高點上。例如,師尊總是身體嬴弱的樣子。劇情就像一條繃緊的橡皮筋,繃到極限,反而沒有張力,甚至讓人感到疲乏。8964 copyright protection553PENANAPvWqnYyuTF 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAMUL86gJOs4
8964 copyright protection553PENANAvQc5zZQPBX 維尼
我們說劇情要有起承轉合,這樣讀者才會有喘息的空間。8964 copyright protection553PENANA6Rgs8aQzFs 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAD8DzIMopJL
8964 copyright protection553PENANATaV0JXciT2 維尼
這可能跟作者每次寫文都是即興寫有關。因為作者每次寫一個新篇章,都是一個新的開始;但沒有意識到對喜歡一次看完的讀者來說,故事一直在最緊繃的位置,每一次的閱讀都是一樣的張力,到最後反而缺乏效果。8964 copyright protection553PENANAKsgK6qGkvK 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAc7M1RSGzif
8964 copyright protection553PENANAxuBv6v9eYf 維尼
關於info dump:info dump是亮點也是缺點。info插入得太直接。若不是熟練的作者,採用倒敘法可能會很生硬,直接讓人棄書。可是我們卻隨著荷糖月色流暢的文筆一同歷險。8964 copyright protection553PENANAheDS4jUGMX 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAq3rtOMo6ge
8964 copyright protection553PENANAc4nunT9XZL 維尼
不過穿插資訊可能是中國網路小說的特色?不知道,這邊阿洛只能說,在info dump方面,作者雖然沒有花心思藏起來,至少讓人閱讀經驗很愉快。8964 copyright protection553PENANAi3FANRbb8t 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAzZi6ts6VPj
8964 copyright protection553PENANAUijOPM9z3u 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA1pDXtghd7a
557Please respect copyright.PENANAVteVpSLOyf
8964 copyright protection553PENANA2kEboVLVDl 維尼
【總結】8964 copyright protection553PENANAbMOs2wKNmU 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAQta6q7yWfE
8964 copyright protection553PENANAmKfShfRPHW 維尼
跟作者討論了一下,他說下一本書要寫細綱及寫完整本才開始連載。很好的決定,因為連載會有趕稿壓力,很常讓作者無法好好地修飾或回頭檢查。8964 copyright protection553PENANA5OmdcIaUrP 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAyK5NEh5mNQ
8964 copyright protection553PENANAfo7bqZbqWD 維尼
整體來說,這是一部還不錯的作品,設定深刻有趣,角色刻劃鮮明。8964 copyright protection553PENANA3Zy1a1OEej 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA44GexMrkMO
8964 copyright protection553PENANAfRaTryl5JD 維尼
阿洛將連結放在本書開頭了,喜歡古風耽美修仙的讀者們可以去瞧瞧!8964 copyright protection553PENANA4xgkm5vf3L 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAkLasvPdeil
8964 copyright protection553PENANAJiQIk3MGdA 維尼
希望在創作的路上我們越來越好!8964 copyright protection553PENANA6fkgBUxuyz 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAkZEHHy6NHL
8964 copyright protection553PENANAmizqkY1o5x 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAt1GRu0XdyF
8964 copyright protection553PENANAroCRGbm6hK 維尼
如果覺得這篇文章有用,歡迎訂閱追蹤收藏!阿洛在各大網站都會定期更新。8964 copyright protection553PENANAWYfdIcUK3Y 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA61Kri9cwPi
8964 copyright protection553PENANAVNo2Xy3rhB 維尼
FB / IG / 個人網站 / 所有網站傳送門8964 copyright protection553PENANALHE8JjFnIt 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAP12uiCmUqo
8964 copyright protection553PENANApzy2FMzSL6 維尼
歡迎留言跟我分享今天你學到了什麼!8964 copyright protection553PENANAJpiVb1LO24 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAwdg2LwjAVj
8964 copyright protection553PENANAywXzMKmsxS 維尼
我是Lorien 阿洛,分享各種文字創作,我們下回見!8964 copyright protection553PENANAKf0NUFdk65 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANA08LQR2rngu
8964 copyright protection553PENANAPv5tLslyA0 維尼
❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.❈*.8964 copyright protection553PENANAMbFiVBPQMf 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAvGgN7hIyRR
8964 copyright protection553PENANAqg52Fsm0Le 維尼
FIN.8964 copyright protection553PENANA4VTGdwGqJM 維尼
557Please respect copyright.PENANAeRAbYRi9wd
8964 copyright protection553PENANAstOpe0VJ2w 維尼
2023/01/268964 copyright protection553PENANA5G2y1ZcfvA 維尼
3.143.115.168
ns3.143.115.168da2