許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1zMO2Kvg8
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5eQIiznjl
「急事。」235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFkGCZ2TxF
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlpobILxxq
「你不吃晚餐？」235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJ3QmFP1yj
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJD9QBA4SE9
我沒應答，逕自出門。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghXFa9fHrU
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD5KA8mtl6
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyQZ8pXU9a
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVjQwSbikH
難以言喻的鬱悶。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLJiCkwSxo
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeDkTyGI0s
長嘆。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenVP7BA8xX
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ9zuBABDN
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGZzWgKkcV
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vnyQRCEJs
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT3G9yU6tR
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jwKohAI44
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5v0UGp7qc
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNQoz1LYf3
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnJfggmNUq
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNS7qQD0BM
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nUCQvxL1s
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7CsstF22R
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzpba56HyF
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAWsFETHbM
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB4ICp3XEv
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7s6i7pRKdq
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEmElCBruu
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzroGTzAlt
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7tKWE8jae
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYdpPYa5ZE
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CllQtZ6Oz
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJV56g0GuCK
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUT1vpsULd
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelS9BgCkhX
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLbTwVy9Wo
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ToibeBxev
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhdurA9KsY
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMVUXagQ86
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpHr9lFYgk
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEYFZi61HM
註定的。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbDFzwA4kN
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CT50oq2Sn
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1ryVAQ3Zx
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkhcHlxHHo
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeC6vXvETA
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPErrTmyKYV
停步。猶疑。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuASrzqatCD
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeY5LmJAdi
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OcVhqY8zI
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgi5pKkUgVm
轉身。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslyMrpFFJj
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXOJXcVPBA
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEd85H0TJJH
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LOtXBGjsV
我回身走去。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzOMbRU5hh
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWf6vh7auK
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaeM0Z6NvW
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrsQV0ehVG
把小狗抱入懷內。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Qpc6vHie4
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9dXd1NPcu
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKWLwMN1HL
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7oN3jv2xo
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nUwnyBtLn
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5c36PXRcFg
海風？海濱公園步道？235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXlV2xb0s9
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbbvEmNREg
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HmEpIDw38
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9SKmk95iN
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtYz2tuxZl
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwyP7RV6py
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDGGJ3Yq17
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T1cUgI32j
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3eEV8UtiA
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIG2OsZ4lO
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEG9H0w0SgN
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQnTD2DeWn
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hQIoSYC41
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEtaLdT90K
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVNUUCR8Dc
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvey6sR7m8
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk96ltmy22
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdb5QsgMX3
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uqEI042ma
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVFvhsMVzq
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWrHXmWmRM
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8agtFwwJOB
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0Z7BA92F3
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjc2AOCWB1
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6AsdgiREU
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTRWWl0yoB
鬱悶何來？235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aUOOXekbq
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdDNGCc88y
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwqLmJom1Q
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4TsN8bgaI
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FFeBGGUrx
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrPWVwbczG
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7268mxyT2
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMmvuyaclY
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQpPNa1bP8
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6ZpjSs6Nq
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIizktG0xkG
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADkgasmIQB
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5eeiq0JqE
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT42ut62mjM
然後呢？根本沒有然後。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5pc2bTX8Q
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jJyE9mOp5
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLE9HdAjNja
235Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorPKMrJiKk
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns18.117.216.191da2
