許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrhIfasiXF
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「急事。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8hhL5yLXu
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「你不吃晚餐？」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEaGScAJX5
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我沒應答，逕自出門。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTCjYUqbRK
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冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL3YpgC90h
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難以言喻的鬱悶。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaq1g5PSNQ
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長嘆。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8XSjeoNiB
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「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiGqBeDAGN
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店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYT4vwbYtv
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOEdlIKjcX
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6crsM5PKm
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b3n2IzCPa
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOGi2oklX1
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她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmN6ongKZs
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnzNh3V02V
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YIg7SKcVe
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp44c4z4We
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTdTIjXYlQ
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9tevrfcnr
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u3OFX2DxH
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsBvhq21Qq
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6bkcraxtN
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污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDX51bRHdl
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髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75Kxd1meCA
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為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHqwsERAtn
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aEWThUQRL
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTEZFra4Nd
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRMsNoOqPa
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk0YTy4Lvx
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflbuZWVWEG
註定的。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoFN2KViQd
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCvt9FFGBd
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKVpeSPows
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYyJ7srVwI
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停步。猶疑。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjNpHct7g7
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEyFItic52
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVPa82V2Gl
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轉身。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjtZdKuKGA
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIefsb1GHzM
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我回身走去。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrePtGENY6i
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惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8diyi9v1y
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把小狗抱入懷內。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcLMSJ7wfK
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDZUPHnfkV
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfM5rjTHEms
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu69I0m1tG
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5huh05Wq56
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海風？海濱公園步道？245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8QuN0tE1Q
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBT1FKtUXY
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUtaTNAFJH
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQu3tk2SrM
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHFhgDqrI8
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEC5NGbsBpw
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQB2lTaSoc
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIEwNHeR6B
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7q0U8n580
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「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72ReLM4I1j
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNV6SPfmna
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPWw00UZCe
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BpUmgIr7o
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zCAyvCMrn
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi9R74JCop
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIjhKOmNMr
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzd6uxxKs5
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TsAZXxEgo
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXANI3ZZwzT
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTCDulaLvI
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgn4b344CN
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvDbC3apgo
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HMmtFAZAz
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnR23EmL7c
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJu6g3vOlm8
鬱悶何來？245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoOmXKy6QS
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學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnlp13dHte
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dKVufaSq0
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsRBOk1XJq
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf40CaYPTUd
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3UOy2D6fX
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jJzJ0O9cN
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshY82qldEG
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nztvfvwvE
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwIFVGnefK
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHy3gIc9vmS
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38QtAawRoH
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55TA5iHb1e
然後呢？根本沒有然後。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM6hKwYst9
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yedLQ5y5p
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WcgJFNBXy
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRHNkhrW6r
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns18.217.170.18da2
