許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA0qmQQoPD
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GBHkaSQhH
「急事。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkIKS0dLtj
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOnCd4fIDV
「你不吃晚餐？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpMUHUv4TX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YZMXWZiBM
我沒應答，逕自出門。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28n6AzTRLE
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghtAUbDSdA
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xRDPNRuYt
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RwX0A1Sk8
難以言喻的鬱悶。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwWwPgrblJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr7gEK2fdQ
長嘆。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoJvls7dHJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUx2aOrEZX
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj2Gn8rnje
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshm9woW6RY
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptT5dBDqjr
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYW7uoLEES
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbd5DSa5jVh
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ulbMPTuaC
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwfOa4IYPJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvXLchZRBQ
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5eBBffgQ0
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B6RcZZNg9
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgLUvD1ycz
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW77Cu6OjBA
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0iQCMTg3v
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8de7FN30w
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF3ZxnpQZF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv743Pyar5
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhgS990EYl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSflSiq7TFK
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDRjKUJbCL
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1U6TDK1vXr
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaIM1IH7F4
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR7plK1BjP
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIlRslCx8N
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZV3lxPxwf
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPmhopXZMn
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFsPj45yRv
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJLUEzqbTr
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtTEF0S1GM
註定的。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQB6IN14pCm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLLNfqNpFc
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGUeDoq5mA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaEEHlTNw8
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNijHSWaokJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRYya423kg
停步。猶疑。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBgj3KtJU5
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGohZ9pkv4
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVDI2GfX6e
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvflkGmQfK
轉身。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNQmxj8RLR
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CgJpaoLIl
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtB6C4HYU1
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZnfx7jDhB
我回身走去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNdABdOZyx
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplD7KFtvBb
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYBWvGkN9u
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbK0wD0uWy
把小狗抱入懷內。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pzX3ybi7B
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng929ChX4M
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOrqIXRbCX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMa9tpCSex
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8exiAlpZzS
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrFPzrLHTW
海風？海濱公園步道？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxTV78x3jl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QmOrzHlSe
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxBsZL3yyc
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FFLzR2oiC
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmuKZUErHZ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPf3rDDevo
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKUp4FEsG5
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUZN6PzyEZ
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JH1sxRnRi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDo6P2Aenq
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vXlrHJaRB
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsu5TYhmBSy
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY4TrP9jVn
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlZbq3cjml
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZtQCjEjtm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPwfvAcI89
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEv6gl49hjg
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPfdetXbvl
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNybE5X501C
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSujI16Nzac
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0Lytm1hOr
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8qHiHmgs0
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9be480axhZ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAh1jRTV4F
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6KatNLXRA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKFDCnICTS
鬱悶何來？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLFXavAqHa
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaDJax7OM3
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CdAWfSUC2
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42LGPuxHVV
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUa9hjK5oFv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Q38ZONYad
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID1Z4bg6yZ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbGlPfutpK
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyucRkktAkl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8S5FADzmx
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIDW02LXaA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5HtBp4gnr
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvxlVsSWjh
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqNoRhU6if
然後呢？根本沒有然後。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRhpEDNbcm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRUGDMaRBb
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2Dba4JGC0
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrCy3KlY0P
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns18.221.172.197da2
