許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBLmsXY3Ak
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wiX4hY0oh
「急事。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9816org7BJ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUzhHp3Dou
「你不吃晚餐？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpTpEHaBpN
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCl8eMaHDD
我沒應答，逕自出門。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3sOEMBVpl
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41j1uLrC1h
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvvCSjZ5SF
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxvwTqnEJc
難以言喻的鬱悶。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoEFI9eeBk
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMcJyfpPeh
長嘆。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8p9abACA0r
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcK4Z1IjBuY
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LRMbBCMfO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRhIRAoFi0
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgV88M7iViR
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2vFks5uBm
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmvaA0DYUZ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4At8Rt7F8U
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6hNk6fjLF
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ176yqzheOU
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWbrcYLUD0
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItFOGpvIis
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxvpWlQLz4
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEabphBtGi1
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu40ONaw0yY
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt3MNRmUCX
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CC0p6YMNd
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApTxHVyi7h
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaJNRM2Um1
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJU8Iicfb6
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLNSQoJ04q
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMNFc1fWKZ
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaovrfydMK
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfypuzqgStY
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNU19iC78Z
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsX1FuIHHxo
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBgQy70HSA
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WNiioLwp9
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiJ85z0gPh
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqb1lONfhE
註定的。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnGV2soPNI
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfuMuN5Buf
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWr4iKqrQsm
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE4OzZRreE
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g57cLvCFm
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKzzOiQ6d0
停步。猶疑。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0nVkSUjCl
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeby7vNYP05
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLb82gIEZDS
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTiPzDKDQn
轉身。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mjlLa7Hno
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqIM2GN85x
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKiaPpp7ly
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hURmiOygA
我回身走去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jG3AY6Isg
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0y2lAbEDAN
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8FqoT6Ka5
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioTED7QmSW
把小狗抱入懷內。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbm86AY6OA
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPweSBbl4m
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbEDsjJ2z2
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL41eWOu21
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhBbgBODtq
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq51KT3AfH
海風？海濱公園步道？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyDfwi5KJQ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uZmErYlA9
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTahLLDDlUq
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDfcNq9fV9
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS86FyRr0Om
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUVbvDwlH5
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgkMCGgIyA
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzcCYTOzVY
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjdNjDJSmk
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVeiL5bpx7
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OQo3fBvNj
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRyr7Hqv3j
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zR0JG6kzV
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgdpHziQJI
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTi85TmsELe
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUZIgqD6X4
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFgh4MLDwd
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIV2i8WtkLz
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYpX8sqetD
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOW1D1CHx7L
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyxOOZYct6
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSM4czqE6n
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BgmqleMe7
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UreS294wp
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeAw2KURea
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetawseFoN2
鬱悶何來？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhYeO4Ycvh
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaC8uGmxPR
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQQkS67vEY
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI5RPK2Aiz
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXMOe633uW
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwY0ehHErp
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ388TIFxx2V
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IGtyZzhS9
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmU1Fmxy4j
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHClhNp65WY
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNePYbtZ01b
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3Gu9OoXJ8
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxtRttQCdW
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34MbpSgXMg
然後呢？根本沒有然後。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Y753JACws
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJQ7f0dwcp
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUKCx3sBtV
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gj8c6CTqq
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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