零：備忘錄97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg218TSbULH
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m750oANY1
提摩西不吃山藥 秋葵 納豆97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEivkwloPH
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nASU0dLrt
過貓 芥蘭 紅蘿蔔97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgGWjsav8v
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSRWlsO9qw
蝦米 紅蔥頭 乾奧勒岡葉（少許可）97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdjaRVBOrM
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMewXRJbwDi
甜粿97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnw1mgJjySI
一：佛跳牆97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzJDu1Dr07
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSUsbLtSte
東岸與遙遠大洋島嶼，時差恰巧。這邊是晚上六點，島國就正好是早上六點。蘇深諳蜜絲陳十年如一日的作息，每天清晨煲麋，福建式的稠粥。她會守在爐邊不時攪拌，熄火後再燜半個鐘，日日為家人備雜鹹小菜佐糜作早膳。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmK4E5CEo0z
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lZGhTi5Xj
六點半，陳家用完了早膳。蘇播一通越洋電話，問蜜絲陳佛跳牆的做法。佛跳牆是一道大菜，十多種配料，多需先泡發或乾炸取其香味，步驟繁瑣，在他自己家裡只有過年嚐這道菜，沾沾「福壽全」的喜。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQW2mGqimX
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jwzDXOwks
先妣以蒜頭、油蔥酥爆香，但提摩西不喜其豬油味，蘇不曉得陳家的做法如何，於是打給蜜絲陳，寒暄幾句、抱怨美元貶值，電話那頭的中年婦便問他：他還好嗎？97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhn1PAQBU2
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTqaX9oGPO
老是同個問題，老是使他在電話裡支吾其詞。提摩西神秘化自己賴以為生的學術偉業後，蜜絲陳只能把同居的蘇收作線民。但他支吾——是因為同樣不清楚，所以無可告知。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1WwzLWJ5w
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXd6Sqo2GWx
即使他們每天同桌飲食。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5CcnExS5H
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwC1mKV1QCY
蘇只能與婦人談起異國吃食，像下一個街區的華人超市有賣關廟麵與米粉，也許他近日會做給提摩西嚐嚐。蜜絲陳同他說起家傳手路菜，他盤算起如何在這異國尋找蹄筋與蜇頭。她絮絮叨叨，掛心著要寄扁魚乾讓他滷白菜，既使蘇表示運費很貴、且不確定能否過美國海關，仍不管不顧。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcUHHm2pVb
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2DtWasI4D
她宣告，下禮拜我會跟中藥一起寄去，寄給提摩西，補補身體。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCeHnrAOyx
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVJgBihTtl
蘇只得溫馴地接旨，謝謝阿姨。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SjlmxhNsh
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzFKASJk4R
他沒替提摩西拒絕，也沒說出真相，那些中藥最後都進了蘇的胃裡。他從小替提摩西撿菜尾。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OsYOOiG56
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBUBx7w9Hl
丱角幼童偏食是壞習慣，四十歲的布爾喬亞身上，就成為獨具個人品味的飲食愛好。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbR5WqgyBM
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5nvHHmKoS
但蘇有老派的美德，堅持不剩食。小時候長輩恐嚇，飯吃不乾淨會娶花臉老婆，他便接手把提摩西碗裡剩食全掃光。提摩西的遲遲未婚成了蜜絲陳的欲言又止，也許他該負責，欠了提摩西一個花臉老婆。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0ChWFqol6
二：紅酒燉牛肉97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnPejAWLTj
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMUPSc3Di4
初來乍到幾年，蘇後悔沒把臺式料理學會，就愚蠢地與提摩西定居賓夕法尼亞。七點七英里的距離、十二小時的時差，生活罅隙間，定居於幅員遼闊的美利堅，提摩西偶爾也想念大洋島嶼和濕熱的盆地。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjEejEQQv1
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIzGZG41eQ
想家時，蘇便為他下廚。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibnGj3OF3Y
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGhMacEfQO
紅酒燉牛肉雖是一道洋菜，但提摩西認為，蘇的版本屬於臺菜，介於清燉與紅燒之間，他會放入許多旱芹，神似過往在辛亥路小套房、用電磁爐煮的燉牛肉。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0GOGUsC45
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvqgSUMHOG
為了烹飪晚餐的紅肉，蘇下班後，便去揀選酒體豐滿富含單寧的紅酒，他們慣用卡本內蘇維濃來做，他會燉一整鍋牛脥或牛肋條，讓紅酒軟化肉的脂肪。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs43nZBTG82
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0ZnezbAZw
在台北時，他也為提摩西下廚，共租的套房沒有廚具爐台，便搬來電磁爐。在大火燒開時，蘇會從小冰箱裡拿一瓶冰啤酒，一半喝掉，一半拿來燉牛肉。滿屋全是食物的氣味，提摩西會滿心喜悅的添上白飯，嫌棄蘇從超商買來的廉價啤酒。他向來任性卻有原則，雖貪酒精，但太便宜的酒卻寧可索性不喝。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAyOo5jVEp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7WsXZGOmV
但蘇是什麼都好的那種人，提摩西不喝台啤，他便獨自喝醉。醉漢有最溫軟的目光，喝醉了就亂親眼前的所有人，然後傻笑。喝醉時，他就能包容提摩西過分的玩笑，且任由他逃避洗碗的責任、兀自在沒有床架的軟墊上彈吉他。蘇會撐著逐漸沈重的頭顱，只要求他把煙安分熄在空酒罐裡。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjkd4IXsYo
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD4ATaa7VF
於是到美國，提摩西思念台北時，他便做紅酒燉牛肉，不正統的那種。 97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIL3GbeuSj
三：居家威靈頓97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhCPJgLbXR
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXlUBdHogi
橘紅斑斕的落日餘暉只停留在落地窗外，書房的採光方向不佳，黃昏時分便只餘微弱光線。蘇踏進房內，穿著Balenciag浴袍的提摩西顯然剛洗完澡，在真皮單椅上翹腳，音響流淌柴可夫斯基的第六號交響曲第二樂章。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD2G1QOk3t
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dRkQzQ42n
但提摩西居然邊抖腳、邊哼，蘇便罵他。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj2ODPR3pw
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFv44qfAo5
那是一個描述社會本質不適合他生存的樂章。提摩西如是說，充耳不聞碎念，只是赤足踩在地毯上，任水滴滑落。他繞過提摩西，從桃花心木書桌的抽屜掏出Edmundo點燃，配上1989年天頂的愛爾蘭威士忌。他每次抽Edmundo都配愛爾蘭威士忌，身後的酒櫃好幾瓶，分別不同年份、廠牌。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0TrIoAOa9
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6o5p4Ri7B
呼煙，蘇在煙霧裡不語。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWXpB18JPp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHCGtnzVEl
穆拉汶斯基指揮的列寧格勒愛樂喔，俄羅斯音樂，俄羅斯人詮釋。像什麼有趣的事一樣，提摩西說完就彎起嘴角。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaB1wJmKf8A
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfDenkFtco
喔，書房的地毯好久沒送洗了。蘇只是環視那張花紋繁複的手織波斯地毯，不看一眼衣衫不整的提摩西。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxxiAARTMh
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEAsBkoT2K
蘇在這房間鋪地毯前，某次滑倒，摔碎了精瓷茶杯，提摩西踏過一地狼藉，揉他在地板上撞出瘀青的膝蓋，隔天下單了地毯。提摩西想，這塊地毯蘇肯定是鍾愛的，因為提摩西得到蘇的特別提醒，別在書房跟你床伴做愛然後弄髒它。除此，蘇從不提醒他弄髒任何東西。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgExS1DrGPT
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2nxIp1XSc
因為蘇對於清洗精斑很有一套，或是說，蘇精通所有提摩西學不來的事。例如打掃。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTFTbPOZrD
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZP5b2XfPDg
例如做菜。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3HqpSp1rG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5z8pvIr4Q
在他對威靈頓牛排大感興趣的少年期，蘇伴他去一間米其林餐盤推薦餐廳，專程吃其招牌的威靈頓牛排。酥皮擀得很薄，包藏著解膩蔬菜。裡頭的鴨肝肥厚卻不膩口，以及吸納鮮甜肉汁的菲力，恰巧的三分熟。中間抹滿香氣馥郁的黑松露，然而，提摩西卻發覺自己討厭黑松露的麝香，便剩下許多。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFxa6JlzfH
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj4RvKSBG5
對蘇而言，那實在是打包也過於奢靡的價格，當場吃得很撐。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWfvs6HSN8
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc53TsG6td
但提摩西沒有滿足對威靈頓的好奇，於是蘇回家便學了如何做威靈頓，不過是超市牛肉、蘑菇泥、帕瑪火腿、冷凍酥皮的平價版組合。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5XzR4JNbp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mMZJU7D3W
提摩西想來竟也覺得回味。其實已經不記得嚐起來如何，應該也試過更貴的，卻也一直覺得那是吃過最好的威靈頓。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz9t9eyNrl
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSEDSoGpAy
提摩西學不來的事情，也許是居家版威靈頓，或是忍受在悶熱的廚房裡汗流浹背、食慾盡失。又或是那已是蘇的領地，他知曉如何挑選順手的砧板和鐵鍋。那不是掏錢買來一口鍋就行，鐵鍋用畢得養方能不沾，提摩西想，他連養活自己都有困難。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5uXHSQYM2
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQLNB3mV66
蘇也知曉如何下廚，十年如一日的一日三餐，譬若母親。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsox620PSbB
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcm5T03ChDg
同母親叫他吃飯的不耐煩，要他趁飯菜冷掉前上餐桌。蘇告訴提摩西，今天晚餐吃紅酒燉牛肉。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzv5g7FGH1
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKHkmO3gvw
他問蘇，要不要陪他喝威士忌佐餐。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuTNr2uawd
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3POINYyMq
蘇只是搖頭，捎來他母親電話裡的問候。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2xpyYIJ3E
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB7nL6LD9E
提摩西漫不經心地聽，同時抽他的雪茄。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBa6fvsqkjZ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWH1SKvar95
你媽問你還好嗎，我應該告訴他，你兒子菸酒不忌恐怕會早死。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9swzxJWLo
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI86Lx4pG7i
提摩西只是在椅子上旋轉——理知化的增加，並不意味著人對他的生存狀況有更多一般性的理解。下次她在問你，你就說連他本人也不太知道自己好不好。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExSbpxGMRI
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbY6VQESX6
蘇厭煩他那種顛三倒四愛吊書袋的說話方式。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMFrA3QmvQ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxwdOFSVjV
別再講那些了，出來吃飯。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKX1B0YCco
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd63yBzGtTo
四：生菜沙拉97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu4FZPQLEU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqEMb5BTRl
他們每天共桌進食。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1fzeDSrJ8
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfto0D2iop
蘇會佈置滿桌的食物。美元貶值，菜價愈來愈貴，但提摩西的工資（以及祖產）足夠養活自己、一個非親非故的同居人、一張中西菜餚交融共存的餐桌。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwYPcQi6YW
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7RQlIKHQB
咀嚼間他們聊天，且幾乎只在飯桌上交談，其餘時間忙各自的工作，熄燈前幾乎碰不著面。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgZbN1GqCe
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7BeUavTM1
且從多年前便是。銀行帳戶裡有多少錢進來了，他在OPT失效前辦好了免抽籤的H-1B簽證，綠卡拿到了，諸如此類，提摩西總是輕描淡寫地在飯桌上告訴蘇那些重要的事，甚至不如看到今日晚餐是喜愛的菜色，來得興奮激動。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UP5YrZClP
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDs68jyJMI
蘇說，恭喜你。真心為他開心，只是對居留權的事略顯沈默。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X38sfyj1T
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtvZx9Qgyq
拿到綠卡後提摩西便是富具憂國情懷的，聊起美國政治，彷彿十九歲他們在學生餐廳聊島上的藍綠破事。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeZZGe7UlH
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6IsjkYkml
青春期他們還在歷經由內而外的發育，交換剛雛型而粗糙的政治與哲學，四十歲之後已然不同，學會有些話如何吞嚥並沈默。蘇嚼食生菜他想，十九歲的提摩西好稚嫩，那時他還會拒絕生菜沙拉，說自己不是牛、不吃草，現在已經能習慣餐桌經常的出現生菜沙拉。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7zhs7VQRT
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoB5HnHo1P
提摩西今年似乎矮了一公分，也許是脊椎側彎或骨密度下降，四十歲也許是該面對這些平凡問題的年紀。或是隨姿態不再弱小，得肩負更多職場和經濟的壓力，而那往往是蘇無法分擔太多的。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnIxlbyHtx
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4rFZdpOJW
唯有吃食，日日是一桌符合提摩西胃口的好菜。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypw1Ow9A9h
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAgCXVhxad
Roe v. Wade案被推翻一事，顯影響了他們的飯桌，提摩西本週第三次提起了。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejoqM03KJk
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YF1LybxzN
保守派大法官與自由派大法官呈六比三，我實在不太樂觀，擔心聯邦最高法院推翻substantive due process的判決，像是Obergerfell案。保守派反對司法積極跟living constitution。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosDniyVtzt
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkFPgHRG6h
輿論罵得要死。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitmoHT6j4C
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudzImuwFEt
哎，年底賓州州長的選舉，你覺得民主黨的Shapiro還是共和黨的Mastriano贏面大？不過，賓州支持生命協會早就開始遊說共和黨多數的州議會修改州憲法。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioY9BfZ1TV
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELS66sijZT
天，真是好糟。蘇放下叉子。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwfR8y0LoO
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Pw6aGBb77
提摩西想起蘇是在高風險青少年社區工作的社工，墮胎權的問題也許跟他的個案息息相關，但蘇不太會談自己的工作，只是說起遙遠的島。優生保健法的配偶同意權還沒拿掉，但至少還能墮胎。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUR917NBtZ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb56kt6fH3l
提摩西用完餐，蘇便習慣收拾殘局。吃下同居人挑出的食物，並從剩菜中習得與記憶他的愛好。一餐吃不完的食物，全打包進玻璃保鮮盒裡，塞滿冰箱。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzFPyXdsZU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Rb0DsFnrD
蘇提醒，明天你得繼續吃那些沙拉，我放在保鮮盒裡，記得帶去上班。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8w3Z5oyhU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZr7hFSTbv
提摩西哀嚎，他討厭隔夜生菜的口感；蘇反以責怪是他在飯桌的多話少食所致。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUAckwueuQ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qguqDrwJ1
同居人戴上手套開始洗碗，提摩西便留在餐桌與他繼續閒聊：97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYIxKNoOBP
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqUHnp4Kb4
Obergefell v. Hodges案，同性婚姻權的案子，可能也會被推翻。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjsm4IXrA9
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YfcO44G0v
希望不要，蘇並未停下手上的忙碌。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87ME0etHS5
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCUyPiRLsg
或是你要不要乾脆年底選舉前跟我結婚？97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhibQC4UtQ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWoNHqEjyu
提摩西突然問。蘇嚇了一跳，轉過身看著他，張開了口，卻餘留很長一段的沈默，只有流理臺水聲未止。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcAEVP1YKh
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHlHjVu7Tw
⋯⋯你開玩笑？97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ElJYKhlDs
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx2JfJDiFu
結婚似乎從來不是一個選項。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnShPqeXKK
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWSZ0Yx6RL
提摩西補充，我歸化後，你跟我結婚就不用繼續拿工作簽證。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf75Z41M7wj
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkx3aPWhGBf
蘇在一個拿聯邦政府經費的私人機構擔任社工，他的工作簽種類與在大學當教授的提摩西不同，六年後要重新抽籤，算一算後年便可能得離開美國。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6FteBQeHg
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA48qRWVXbN
但是蘇斷然拒絕與他假結婚。告訴提摩西，他媽肯定發飆。提摩西向他保證會解釋是為了移民。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQNl6qIvZe
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W7KWfUEit
蘇又重複了一次，不要，誰要跟你結婚。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTkWsNt7hF
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3h1qlkhaw
便輪到提摩西沈默。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPg4puLCwQ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroTePFzM4Q
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsaJ5EAUzc
今天的燉牛肉好吃嗎？我調了香料的比例。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ304pQDyW11
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbCpJlgfC4
好吃呀，好喜歡。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBi1CpqOyq
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YFX5NBETK
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGWbQzHG5j
蘇把碗盤擺進烘碗機裡，揉揉提摩西的頭髮，繞回食物的話題。吃食是他逃避的出口，同居的男人只是朝他微笑，像是沒說過結婚的提議般風淡雲清。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtpWSqTJiU
五：糜97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0xLaoHZti
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqK0kV4aqx
那些精心佈置的料理，往往花上蘇數個鐘頭，但即使能入提摩西口舌，最後的下場仍舊常是吐進馬桶，隨一聲沖水消失。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3ERQG63q7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHruRukP9vk
提摩西第一次嘔吐約莫是兩年前，毫無徵兆，便唏哩嘩啦的吐在床單上，那時他們恰巧在做愛。蘇嚇壞了，以為是自己頂弄得過於激烈，在體內抽送的陰莖立刻疲軟，從提摩西濡濕的股縫滑出來。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiLq5FlYX9
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hYULafe1n
提摩西踉蹌地走到浴室，吐完胃裡殘餘的酸臭汁液，這一次便只有液體了。他咳了幾聲，繼續乾嘔，蘇懷疑他會把膽汁吐盡。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV64sGeJYOB
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUVwAMKlvV
提摩西手腳無力地癱軟下來，尾椎骨撞上冰冷的白色磁磚，因為疼痛及嘔吐的不適感，深邃的眼睛通紅。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6fWYIyWse
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTLJfOXMZ5
蘇著急地把他載到急診，剛來美國的他們想念台灣的健保，因為在這裡看病實在太貴了。病徵僅有嘔吐，照了胃鏡，醫生不曉得究竟是什麼問題，隔一週又安排了斷層攝影。一來二往數次，也沒查出是什麼病，他們原猜想，也許只是食物的問題。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcrhItLELz
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XpjZOzIHr
蘇為他煮粥，起先擔心他的胃，便熬煮到米粒化開與湯汁融合，像港式一樣綿滑的粥。提摩西說他要吃留有米粒的糜，吃不習慣湯水似的港粥。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4KLUr0xwG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQv1vgdeMf
然而，提摩西仍經常無預警地嘔吐。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWf2wb5u4Kr
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNperE1KXd
醫生只說可能是神經性嘔吐，是心因性的問題，便提議改掛精神科。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNcbWB2BqI
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9M6IGiIpb
提摩西冷著臉拉蘇離開。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ086UEDC2Ih
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwnrmpH2kE
不久，提摩西便向他哀求，要吃正常的食物。反正吃什麼都可能會吐，日漸也就習慣。至少讓他吃米飯，他討厭吃粥，前半生住在家裡每早都要吃。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZu9aPeg5l
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJIwYqVyWE
蘇擔心他把胃酸嘔出來會造成食道灼傷，更害怕他出現食道癌病症，但愈是強制他看醫生，甚至只是提起，提摩西就吐得更頻繁。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGJ1RtvgnJ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnA0c4P7Xbt
你只是跟我住在一起，沒跟我在一起，能不能別管我。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaePso0bYW1
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR4j5AbeKI
在蘇未經告知把他載往醫院時，提摩西甩了這句話就下車，蘇沒立場反駁，甚至不知道如何對他發飆，只能腹誹他的任性。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bcGKgCSO0
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45c12OGRs1
今晚，提摩西也吐了出來，耗時燉煮的紅酒燉牛肉已經成了一灘無價值的穢物。蘇端來一杯熱鹽巴水讓他漱口，他已是脫力地倚著同居人，碎髮因冷汗而貼在前額，一副狼狽的樣子。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVVDyGdVQp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5a9bFYzFg
他看著蘇因心煩而緊擰的眉間，抬手想去撫平那皺紋，只是被蘇揮開。看見他病懨懨的神情，卻又心軟地把杯子湊到他嘴邊，並用面紙為他細細擦拭嘴角。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjFf4KRPQc
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE77BG1oo0
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaDLTfpbSS
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0eRWDwQyk
明天還是吃粥吧，你今天吐得好慘。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7FK4wu3V7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbj5Hy5Jzjb
反正都會吐。我明天想吃塞滿香料的火雞，還有適合配香檳的起司。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXI6BPAx1U
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB4YVuA7Cz
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHVYKSj9at
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4KQ25TxeJ
提摩西有氣無力地撒嬌，讓蘇攙扶他坐到沙發上。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4M5JfyFNoT
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafpDxu5nvG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xEQFEGx3F
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0rfr0rcYn
你真的好麻煩。明明有一堆不吃的香料，偏食鬼。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQd9AjVlRG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToPRdNBMEJ
反正你知道我不喜歡什麼。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuVzWMfCoR
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaOSQljBiK
我哪知道，你自己去買。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX7z0oir1n
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmR804Txpj
騙人，你什麼都知道。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpw3N7tNQ3B
七：炸甜粿97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALDlJ6Nsv6
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YtTLO4XAY
提摩西發覺，蘇精通很多他不知道的事。例如打掃，例如做菜。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWtnmjOhPp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0eAEI0e0i
他是那麼偏食的人，所以蘇為他做了很多「改良式」食譜。他喜歡一起吃飯生活，甚至做愛。那都是自然而然發生，台北或是賓夕法尼亞，並無本質上的不同。幾乎習得一種穴居的型態，過於單薄的生活只有彼此能依偎。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSrT0Mo7Nb
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Uk5Ml75oi
他還能正常地飲食的最後一餐——已然是兩年前，那晚的菜單已然模糊。卻清楚記得是農曆新年前，蘇問他，你喜歡甜粿嗎？若你喜歡，那間亞洲超市有賣，明天可以順道買一些。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxweXUClvv
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8JNO5Tm3V
提摩西搖搖頭，他不喜歡，因為容易消化不良。蘇便打開手機記事本，在提摩西不吃的清單裡加上了「甜粿」。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ8WN61H5i
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR9pu1xgeM
喔原來還有這個記事本，你好厲害。偷看到螢幕的提摩西開心地說，把身子貼到對方身上。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EfUQOSLDg
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuXd7KYigV
蘇卻突然說起自己童稚時、父母生前，家裡過年都會炸甜粿的事。——但是既然提摩西不喜歡，就算了。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgxXyczeog
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrVBN01aOW
你喜歡的話就炸啊，別管我。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcAKjdlnQu
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8kNlVfTlr
也沒有特別喜歡。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMRCleeDUe
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLHA5yYgGi
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyTYn1udKK
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl770oS87VE
蘇很快結束了這個話題，繼續羅列採買清單。一旁的提摩西卻覺得如鯁在喉，不是純然的譬喻手法——他竟突然覺得說話困難，喉結彷彿腫脹起來，空氣振動帶來疼痛感，他不熟悉突如其來的生理變化，只覺頭暈腦脹。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf48GiUhX7P
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1vRTG9zAO
蘇為何能二十年如一日的滿足他的偏食，偏食的他又如何被男人縱容得愈發嚴重。他不斷想起同居人手機裡居然有完整的清單，對於蘇的飲食偏好，他卻一無所知。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJWjvc64XP
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFWZMljulE
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gi8LTpYd7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1oGipPZdg
當晚，男人把他抱上床，見他心不在焉，便停下了親吻。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnEDPbqoUk
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvXehcNTE2
如果你膩了，也可以找別人上床，我不會介意。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiJmNj4BVf
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyrNco5G2I
說得像吃醋，但提摩西在蘇的臉上搜尋著一絲不悅或難受，卻發現沒有。什麼都沒有。只是說出一個提議，跟所有過往的提議毫無差別。像是，晚餐吃什麼，要在哪個州定居，你想要哪些家具。提摩西決定了一切。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJSJLyZu4C
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69aJXHhn4s
而蘇就只是，沒有任何意見。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsK9sH8EZIa
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TMt4gByCs
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHeYsp7hMD
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8j3MerWKz5
蘇真的很好，總是知道提摩西的挑食，知道如何為他花十年、二十年做飯。即使偶爾，他會在發表蘇所不知的高見後感覺到優越感，但更多時候，他會覺得蘇無所不知。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciGfw4xE4I
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL02urNUgGs
提摩西偶爾也會想起很久以前的事，那時，蘇還叫做蘇祐瑋的時候，而他也還叫陳憫恩。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrRMahqeIO
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KqiSamSKI
蘇祐偉從小便接手，把偏食的陳憫恩碗裡剩的飯菜吃完。不管憫恩剩下什麼，都會吃完。蘇祐偉從小沒有忌口，甚至連討厭的食物都沒有。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuZdIRjyi2
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcTgSl3rUj
提摩西明白了為何一桌菜都是符合他口味的，蘇根本自己沒有任何飲食偏好。他是包容的、遷就的，甚至偶爾令人感覺到母性的——但無所謂自己的喜歡討厭。沒有任何偏好，對大多數事情都沒有。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOKZ8gzG7v
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDgW8Q8Df7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk7ThgE3oq
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7LNK04ob9
蘇和提摩西很熟悉彼此的身體，很快提摩西就感覺，快感堆疊到了臨界點。恍惚間他想起了自己的初夜。那時還是蘇祐偉跟陳憫恩，他跟家裡出櫃後，被虔誠信教的母親賞了一巴掌，於是便打給從小相伴的蘇祐偉，要他騎摩托車來接回蘇祐瑋的租屋處。他推開門，一個陌生的男孩在玄關繫鞋帶，那是一雙多孔馬丁靴，看到陳憫恩走進來，男孩便手忙腳亂，將鞋帶就穿錯孔了。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2BQMVGotD
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboz72AMwqH
走在陳憫恩後頭的蘇祐瑋，放下兩顆安全帽後，立刻跪下來替男孩重新穿鞋。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhhSZReWjC
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZKmrRufW1
蘇祐瑋送男孩下樓，陳憫恩便一個人坐在凌亂的床單上，剎時，被媽媽賞過巴掌的臉頰，那種火辣辣的疼消失了，像麻醉藥注入牙齦的拔牙流程，注射後，那一區塊就全然沒有任何知覺，彷彿不是自己的身軀，只是一塊黏著的肉。甚至當蘇祐瑋回來了，用冰塊貼上他的側臉，他都全然無感。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB12xkgkXeW
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenq60aEGmv
那是你男朋友嗎？陳憫恩還是開口問了。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPrhYPYwUH
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhm91ndG1YC
不是。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbnYHwfiJr
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCZpSa3EJe
蘇祐瑋這樣說，他便信。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5xDXbpy5h
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjIyodtgHs
你喜歡他嗎？愛他嗎？97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeUfYxA7YY
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxF1Nqhxa4
沒有，只是砲友而已。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZjjkOwPZ7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UkPYwzCZI
那你有喜歡的、愛的人嗎？97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInbbZfZKo0
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUFcdg5Lk2
沒有，蘇祐瑋輕聲道歉。他曉得意思，再明白不過。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9SVe2MB7f
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE5lAqXBjz
只是他想起那一巴掌落下前，他媽媽把全家福的相框摔在地上，玻璃片全然噴濺碎開，照片裡有他們一家人：爸爸、媽媽、陳憫恩，但還有蘇祐瑋入境，他抿著嘴，略顯尷尬的笑。年少就失去父母的蘇祐瑋，安靜又乖巧，且是陳憫恩少數的朋友，被陳家父母連帶疼愛了整個童年。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGiMaaeuZE
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6lhLhu3Zr
我早就知道，你跟蘇祐瑋在交往是不是？他媽媽大聲吼叫，他不知道該怎麼說清兩人之間的關係，只能說：我是愛他的。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgZ37ew3fY
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzpwLaHdiz
巴掌便落下。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQ1yIXMVYm
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl0jtJGFks
蘇祐瑋問他是不是餓了，他只能停止想稍早的事情，蘇說，如同以往那樣煮泡麵給他吃。也許是為了重新感受到疼痛，他搖搖頭，說：我要吃這個。細長的手指挨上蘇祐瑋的胯下，然後搓揉起來。陳憫恩跪到他身前，仰望著他。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0yLQDRpaJ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPswnMoAht
可以嗎？97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsFAD70zLG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw8HDAjfbu
蘇祐瑋就只是沒有任何意見。那都是自然而然發生的。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwa4DxctHc
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21cOHMPWCF
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I06LbGpEG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0SAIdtIzp
談愛與否已舉步維艱。提摩西在蘇陪他到美國工作後，彌補似地塞給蘇一張金融卡，告訴他六位數密碼，是蘇生日的民國年月日。至此，提摩西似乎就被允許不再問原因，習得休謨的口吻，以否定因果關係的客觀存在——沒有原因，就只是一個人花二十年為另一個人做飯。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDLSFB2xGv
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uwPYekHq8
蘇真的很好，沒有自己的偏好，包含菜餚。於是他的人生便在切斷實質親子關係後，取得了極大的掌控權，過得舒心任意，只吃自己喜愛的食物。因為甜粿讓他消化不良，蘇即不再考慮炸甜粿的事。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtquWD8q8sv
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQhiEXYpJM
很快，他的心便在尼古丁與酒精的輔助下，再次取得了平靜。習得某種妥協，他開始能夠與蘇以外的人做愛，進行地毫無窒礙。快感就只是快感，沒有那麼多道德修辭。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN84aoZ2jpi
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOIHZKIzxk
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUcBFLYc1e
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEHYw2Otv7
只不過有時，身體仍然不習慣。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2YpJAf8ph
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzRa4yAvf0
不習慣精心的家常菜，嚐起來有某種危險的錯覺。一切是根基於愛的錯覺。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhi1UlpRfD
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EfyycAjF1
今晚蘇為他煮了他喜歡的紅酒燉牛肉，但他又忍不住全吐出來。深夜裡他靜靜打開壁燈，盡可能不發出聲響地，從冰箱挖出玻璃保鮮盒，放進微波爐裡加熱——都是偏食的提摩西所愛的菜色。他的同居人總是知道他喜歡什麼、不喜歡什麼。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDy1d6yyM9f
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0koee2gii
他是偏食的，他是喜厭分明的。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtmLMzsIbN
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPerDzyRRb
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNl6PAPIje
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvURRqnLLf1
食物就只是食物，再次變得熱騰騰。經過冷藏又微波，料理的香氣仍然誘人，令他食指大動。他便一個人在餐桌上放肆地啖食。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3EiU64mus
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhmUeqJPEF
（完）97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoVsN1kA2I
