零:備忘錄103Please respect copyright.PENANAyDiuMgVfqv
103Please respect copyright.PENANA3f6fROipB9
提摩西不吃山藥 秋葵 納豆103Please respect copyright.PENANABiYaANrX1u
103Please respect copyright.PENANAmipFrHdNyY
過貓 芥蘭 紅蘿蔔103Please respect copyright.PENANAVElQNxPT2v
103Please respect copyright.PENANATZuf486FOQ
蝦米 紅蔥頭 乾奧勒岡葉(少許可)103Please respect copyright.PENANALua5unC9hy
103Please respect copyright.PENANAIJJASxoMqf
甜粿103Please respect copyright.PENANAkaPOk3roXX
一:佛跳牆103Please respect copyright.PENANAXyFs3BHB85
103Please respect copyright.PENANA6e2owNOXNv
東岸與遙遠大洋島嶼,時差恰巧。這邊是晚上六點,島國就正好是早上六點。蘇深諳蜜絲陳十年如一日的作息,每天清晨煲麋,福建式的稠粥。她會守在爐邊不時攪拌,熄火後再燜半個鐘,日日為家人備雜鹹小菜佐糜作早膳。103Please respect copyright.PENANAUYas5viDyw
103Please respect copyright.PENANA7eZXkLPoZo
六點半,陳家用完了早膳。蘇播一通越洋電話,問蜜絲陳佛跳牆的做法。佛跳牆是一道大菜,十多種配料,多需先泡發或乾炸取其香味,步驟繁瑣,在他自己家裡只有過年嚐這道菜,沾沾「福壽全」的喜。103Please respect copyright.PENANAlEZdXNHgWW
103Please respect copyright.PENANAZeuw80dmkO
先妣以蒜頭、油蔥酥爆香,但提摩西不喜其豬油味,蘇不曉得陳家的做法如何,於是打給蜜絲陳,寒暄幾句、抱怨美元貶值,電話那頭的中年婦便問他:他還好嗎?103Please respect copyright.PENANA4mafiFO2mn
103Please respect copyright.PENANAZYdv1jCxQp
老是同個問題,老是使他在電話裡支吾其詞。提摩西神秘化自己賴以為生的學術偉業後,蜜絲陳只能把同居的蘇收作線民。但他支吾——是因為同樣不清楚,所以無可告知。103Please respect copyright.PENANAYYtEol6rHb
103Please respect copyright.PENANASAqNPt8V9A
即使他們每天同桌飲食。103Please respect copyright.PENANAhfVgHl8Aih
103Please respect copyright.PENANAMOOwaAZldi
蘇只能與婦人談起異國吃食,像下一個街區的華人超市有賣關廟麵與米粉,也許他近日會做給提摩西嚐嚐。蜜絲陳同他說起家傳手路菜,他盤算起如何在這異國尋找蹄筋與蜇頭。她絮絮叨叨,掛心著要寄扁魚乾讓他滷白菜,既使蘇表示運費很貴、且不確定能否過美國海關,仍不管不顧。103Please respect copyright.PENANA0Do9k9fKiZ
103Please respect copyright.PENANAK8iYLwlHqG
她宣告,下禮拜我會跟中藥一起寄去,寄給提摩西,補補身體。103Please respect copyright.PENANAO56PZEkMf9
103Please respect copyright.PENANADip6ZITpJn
蘇只得溫馴地接旨,謝謝阿姨。103Please respect copyright.PENANAPFFXDXC7kT
103Please respect copyright.PENANAIWC3nMPoYJ
他沒替提摩西拒絕,也沒說出真相,那些中藥最後都進了蘇的胃裡。他從小替提摩西撿菜尾。103Please respect copyright.PENANA9GfUZcj0y5
103Please respect copyright.PENANAOxNt2js3LN
丱角幼童偏食是壞習慣,四十歲的布爾喬亞身上,就成為獨具個人品味的飲食愛好。103Please respect copyright.PENANANPAVlUbOgx
103Please respect copyright.PENANAV8uN0qEGAc
但蘇有老派的美德,堅持不剩食。小時候長輩恐嚇,飯吃不乾淨會娶花臉老婆,他便接手把提摩西碗裡剩食全掃光。提摩西的遲遲未婚成了蜜絲陳的欲言又止,也許他該負責,欠了提摩西一個花臉老婆。103Please respect copyright.PENANArNrwSWbcsp
二:紅酒燉牛肉103Please respect copyright.PENANA8vL8yb4dqV
103Please respect copyright.PENANAz49iP6Zryo
初來乍到幾年,蘇後悔沒把臺式料理學會,就愚蠢地與提摩西定居賓夕法尼亞。七點七英里的距離、十二小時的時差,生活罅隙間,定居於幅員遼闊的美利堅,提摩西偶爾也想念大洋島嶼和濕熱的盆地。103Please respect copyright.PENANAcwl480Qdsf
103Please respect copyright.PENANAENhpdsvIvw
想家時,蘇便為他下廚。103Please respect copyright.PENANAkUAyzZf0v2
103Please respect copyright.PENANAcdwLl0D08n
紅酒燉牛肉雖是一道洋菜,但提摩西認為,蘇的版本屬於臺菜,介於清燉與紅燒之間,他會放入許多旱芹,神似過往在辛亥路小套房、用電磁爐煮的燉牛肉。103Please respect copyright.PENANAESNYsdHjNS
103Please respect copyright.PENANAbytTxmCd08
為了烹飪晚餐的紅肉,蘇下班後,便去揀選酒體豐滿富含單寧的紅酒,他們慣用卡本內蘇維濃來做,他會燉一整鍋牛脥或牛肋條,讓紅酒軟化肉的脂肪。103Please respect copyright.PENANAvvvOMMNFn2
103Please respect copyright.PENANAcwn59h2Egc
在台北時,他也為提摩西下廚,共租的套房沒有廚具爐台,便搬來電磁爐。在大火燒開時,蘇會從小冰箱裡拿一瓶冰啤酒,一半喝掉,一半拿來燉牛肉。滿屋全是食物的氣味,提摩西會滿心喜悅的添上白飯,嫌棄蘇從超商買來的廉價啤酒。他向來任性卻有原則,雖貪酒精,但太便宜的酒卻寧可索性不喝。103Please respect copyright.PENANArtgZl9oeS6
103Please respect copyright.PENANAup5IvAbp4b
但蘇是什麼都好的那種人,提摩西不喝台啤,他便獨自喝醉。醉漢有最溫軟的目光,喝醉了就亂親眼前的所有人,然後傻笑。喝醉時,他就能包容提摩西過分的玩笑,且任由他逃避洗碗的責任、兀自在沒有床架的軟墊上彈吉他。蘇會撐著逐漸沈重的頭顱,只要求他把煙安分熄在空酒罐裡。103Please respect copyright.PENANAYij2dXRAEi
103Please respect copyright.PENANAds2YZFSdPy
於是到美國,提摩西思念台北時,他便做紅酒燉牛肉,不正統的那種。 103Please respect copyright.PENANAoOWYVnyVTj
三:居家威靈頓103Please respect copyright.PENANA7GIHwIFVp7
103Please respect copyright.PENANAEn3MNU9Xdf
橘紅斑斕的落日餘暉只停留在落地窗外,書房的採光方向不佳,黃昏時分便只餘微弱光線。蘇踏進房內,穿著Balenciag浴袍的提摩西顯然剛洗完澡,在真皮單椅上翹腳,音響流淌柴可夫斯基的第六號交響曲第二樂章。103Please respect copyright.PENANA7lihH4wUZB
103Please respect copyright.PENANAlHbvv4aVka
但提摩西居然邊抖腳、邊哼,蘇便罵他。103Please respect copyright.PENANANvylgOQwAJ
103Please respect copyright.PENANAL4JhIQQNiv
那是一個描述社會本質不適合他生存的樂章。提摩西如是說,充耳不聞碎念,只是赤足踩在地毯上,任水滴滑落。他繞過提摩西,從桃花心木書桌的抽屜掏出Edmundo點燃,配上1989年天頂的愛爾蘭威士忌。他每次抽Edmundo都配愛爾蘭威士忌,身後的酒櫃好幾瓶,分別不同年份、廠牌。103Please respect copyright.PENANARnGJP803Y0
103Please respect copyright.PENANAoFziXACGXp
呼煙,蘇在煙霧裡不語。103Please respect copyright.PENANAcOUNLDUIVO
103Please respect copyright.PENANATdTwElhhYY
穆拉汶斯基指揮的列寧格勒愛樂喔,俄羅斯音樂,俄羅斯人詮釋。像什麼有趣的事一樣,提摩西說完就彎起嘴角。103Please respect copyright.PENANAelA1kXEToH
103Please respect copyright.PENANAHynvrftOyA
喔,書房的地毯好久沒送洗了。蘇只是環視那張花紋繁複的手織波斯地毯,不看一眼衣衫不整的提摩西。103Please respect copyright.PENANAbmjStYaseT
103Please respect copyright.PENANAdzjPquM9Aw
蘇在這房間鋪地毯前,某次滑倒,摔碎了精瓷茶杯,提摩西踏過一地狼藉,揉他在地板上撞出瘀青的膝蓋,隔天下單了地毯。提摩西想,這塊地毯蘇肯定是鍾愛的,因為提摩西得到蘇的特別提醒,別在書房跟你床伴做愛然後弄髒它。除此,蘇從不提醒他弄髒任何東西。103Please respect copyright.PENANAHmeFNkYgmj
103Please respect copyright.PENANAkqToLG2UpQ
因為蘇對於清洗精斑很有一套,或是說,蘇精通所有提摩西學不來的事。例如打掃。103Please respect copyright.PENANAtnx243r7tc
103Please respect copyright.PENANA4mbLyCBS1n
例如做菜。103Please respect copyright.PENANAuYTkaC80a2
103Please respect copyright.PENANASVwxZNBlpM
在他對威靈頓牛排大感興趣的少年期,蘇伴他去一間米其林餐盤推薦餐廳,專程吃其招牌的威靈頓牛排。酥皮擀得很薄,包藏著解膩蔬菜。裡頭的鴨肝肥厚卻不膩口,以及吸納鮮甜肉汁的菲力,恰巧的三分熟。中間抹滿香氣馥郁的黑松露,然而,提摩西卻發覺自己討厭黑松露的麝香,便剩下許多。103Please respect copyright.PENANAUQkQVPZbzH
103Please respect copyright.PENANA7aODOFrSis
對蘇而言,那實在是打包也過於奢靡的價格,當場吃得很撐。103Please respect copyright.PENANAcU1tBJcMcb
103Please respect copyright.PENANAL1RY71Grm5
但提摩西沒有滿足對威靈頓的好奇,於是蘇回家便學了如何做威靈頓,不過是超市牛肉、蘑菇泥、帕瑪火腿、冷凍酥皮的平價版組合。103Please respect copyright.PENANAsZlYJCsNt8
103Please respect copyright.PENANAXF9DFEvUFU
提摩西想來竟也覺得回味。其實已經不記得嚐起來如何,應該也試過更貴的,卻也一直覺得那是吃過最好的威靈頓。103Please respect copyright.PENANAMofdmmYZup
103Please respect copyright.PENANA7M6wWWWgEK
提摩西學不來的事情,也許是居家版威靈頓,或是忍受在悶熱的廚房裡汗流浹背、食慾盡失。又或是那已是蘇的領地,他知曉如何挑選順手的砧板和鐵鍋。那不是掏錢買來一口鍋就行,鐵鍋用畢得養方能不沾,提摩西想,他連養活自己都有困難。103Please respect copyright.PENANAAQmeuTxh0K
103Please respect copyright.PENANAelN4WjqZjX
蘇也知曉如何下廚,十年如一日的一日三餐,譬若母親。103Please respect copyright.PENANAf76geZmoOv
103Please respect copyright.PENANAx1K8MhoC8r
同母親叫他吃飯的不耐煩,要他趁飯菜冷掉前上餐桌。蘇告訴提摩西,今天晚餐吃紅酒燉牛肉。103Please respect copyright.PENANAswrPK6k4ts
103Please respect copyright.PENANANJP4NjCMio
他問蘇,要不要陪他喝威士忌佐餐。103Please respect copyright.PENANAdzdGoScs1R
103Please respect copyright.PENANALtjH5u9owM
蘇只是搖頭,捎來他母親電話裡的問候。103Please respect copyright.PENANAO7PmhLI0GA
103Please respect copyright.PENANAV29BGfRxbK
提摩西漫不經心地聽,同時抽他的雪茄。103Please respect copyright.PENANAKOtjq8Y58i
103Please respect copyright.PENANAUnqYoZmzMS
你媽問你還好嗎,我應該告訴他,你兒子菸酒不忌恐怕會早死。103Please respect copyright.PENANAueKTxCk0DZ
103Please respect copyright.PENANAE8YJVQqZ3w
提摩西只是在椅子上旋轉——理知化的增加,並不意味著人對他的生存狀況有更多一般性的理解。下次她在問你,你就說連他本人也不太知道自己好不好。103Please respect copyright.PENANATEAfb13DHK
103Please respect copyright.PENANA330qG6wR8n
蘇厭煩他那種顛三倒四愛吊書袋的說話方式。103Please respect copyright.PENANAwBmXQXttuM
103Please respect copyright.PENANAUmBFfS6A69
別再講那些了,出來吃飯。103Please respect copyright.PENANAt1oiPmDpti
103Please respect copyright.PENANAlRe2oJvg9j
四:生菜沙拉103Please respect copyright.PENANAS6fCXCG4Nc
103Please respect copyright.PENANAlSiKv51xfe
他們每天共桌進食。103Please respect copyright.PENANAUo8TvWu9Y5
103Please respect copyright.PENANAhYWBjLXr6Q
蘇會佈置滿桌的食物。美元貶值,菜價愈來愈貴,但提摩西的工資(以及祖產)足夠養活自己、一個非親非故的同居人、一張中西菜餚交融共存的餐桌。103Please respect copyright.PENANAomuXP2x9e1
103Please respect copyright.PENANAetMWMX3Msv
咀嚼間他們聊天,且幾乎只在飯桌上交談,其餘時間忙各自的工作,熄燈前幾乎碰不著面。103Please respect copyright.PENANAEUPkQJ63UQ
103Please respect copyright.PENANAu0xu6urWVK
且從多年前便是。銀行帳戶裡有多少錢進來了,他在OPT失效前辦好了免抽籤的H-1B簽證,綠卡拿到了,諸如此類,提摩西總是輕描淡寫地在飯桌上告訴蘇那些重要的事,甚至不如看到今日晚餐是喜愛的菜色,來得興奮激動。103Please respect copyright.PENANAoTkcqa3tYl
103Please respect copyright.PENANAlb3pTPK7zF
蘇說,恭喜你。真心為他開心,只是對居留權的事略顯沈默。103Please respect copyright.PENANAFsfcOhzUYQ
103Please respect copyright.PENANA2JweXbnRHD
拿到綠卡後提摩西便是富具憂國情懷的,聊起美國政治,彷彿十九歲他們在學生餐廳聊島上的藍綠破事。103Please respect copyright.PENANAcw0TavpXFi
103Please respect copyright.PENANAByFOI9IoW6
青春期他們還在歷經由內而外的發育,交換剛雛型而粗糙的政治與哲學,四十歲之後已然不同,學會有些話如何吞嚥並沈默。蘇嚼食生菜他想,十九歲的提摩西好稚嫩,那時他還會拒絕生菜沙拉,說自己不是牛、不吃草,現在已經能習慣餐桌經常的出現生菜沙拉。103Please respect copyright.PENANAiW9vc1zMvI
103Please respect copyright.PENANAJYLjg1OGVR
提摩西今年似乎矮了一公分,也許是脊椎側彎或骨密度下降,四十歲也許是該面對這些平凡問題的年紀。或是隨姿態不再弱小,得肩負更多職場和經濟的壓力,而那往往是蘇無法分擔太多的。103Please respect copyright.PENANA6JDZ7LH5Ko
103Please respect copyright.PENANAGpPWM2d2jp
唯有吃食,日日是一桌符合提摩西胃口的好菜。103Please respect copyright.PENANA2S65HZflXG
103Please respect copyright.PENANAKvkyFTKxK9
Roe v. Wade案被推翻一事,顯影響了他們的飯桌,提摩西本週第三次提起了。103Please respect copyright.PENANAg4g4LAwXvn
103Please respect copyright.PENANAWd2YyYYdES
保守派大法官與自由派大法官呈六比三,我實在不太樂觀,擔心聯邦最高法院推翻substantive due process的判決,像是Obergerfell案。保守派反對司法積極跟living constitution。103Please respect copyright.PENANAt76HpFdo51
103Please respect copyright.PENANAlo8IyDUbU7
輿論罵得要死。103Please respect copyright.PENANAdneJ2NZOY1
103Please respect copyright.PENANAu4AJKEGLfw
哎,年底賓州州長的選舉,你覺得民主黨的Shapiro還是共和黨的Mastriano贏面大?不過,賓州支持生命協會早就開始遊說共和黨多數的州議會修改州憲法。103Please respect copyright.PENANA2ttG48nj7s
103Please respect copyright.PENANArzBNAdbOxq
天,真是好糟。蘇放下叉子。103Please respect copyright.PENANAZe80lJhJFW
103Please respect copyright.PENANA3bVDvEbmr7
提摩西想起蘇是在高風險青少年社區工作的社工,墮胎權的問題也許跟他的個案息息相關,但蘇不太會談自己的工作,只是說起遙遠的島。優生保健法的配偶同意權還沒拿掉,但至少還能墮胎。103Please respect copyright.PENANAg9qvlQBbGe
103Please respect copyright.PENANAxApY91qbFr
提摩西用完餐,蘇便習慣收拾殘局。吃下同居人挑出的食物,並從剩菜中習得與記憶他的愛好。一餐吃不完的食物,全打包進玻璃保鮮盒裡,塞滿冰箱。103Please respect copyright.PENANA8LWngiXLDQ
103Please respect copyright.PENANA3oB5XGAMao
蘇提醒,明天你得繼續吃那些沙拉,我放在保鮮盒裡,記得帶去上班。103Please respect copyright.PENANAWvWHB6eKt3
103Please respect copyright.PENANA8N3KPOgtoN
提摩西哀嚎,他討厭隔夜生菜的口感;蘇反以責怪是他在飯桌的多話少食所致。103Please respect copyright.PENANAIAz4jnBNad
103Please respect copyright.PENANA3MACAs8tqH
同居人戴上手套開始洗碗,提摩西便留在餐桌與他繼續閒聊:103Please respect copyright.PENANAymDmJbuS3W
103Please respect copyright.PENANAKSjcvEf2m2
Obergefell v. Hodges案,同性婚姻權的案子,可能也會被推翻。103Please respect copyright.PENANALZ5bHgho49
103Please respect copyright.PENANA6sdEpqNNSY
希望不要,蘇並未停下手上的忙碌。103Please respect copyright.PENANAFtZC5VDfJv
103Please respect copyright.PENANARjfJb1uhvz
或是你要不要乾脆年底選舉前跟我結婚?103Please respect copyright.PENANAp0X4jvrodk
103Please respect copyright.PENANAkBzD6WjzuR
提摩西突然問。蘇嚇了一跳,轉過身看著他,張開了口,卻餘留很長一段的沈默,只有流理臺水聲未止。103Please respect copyright.PENANAMDLZtpdwzA
103Please respect copyright.PENANAKFBCKmxEYL
⋯⋯你開玩笑?103Please respect copyright.PENANAqquQlOZKsk
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結婚似乎從來不是一個選項。103Please respect copyright.PENANAnKRPKhLygb
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提摩西補充,我歸化後,你跟我結婚就不用繼續拿工作簽證。103Please respect copyright.PENANAbECwywXfTU
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蘇在一個拿聯邦政府經費的私人機構擔任社工,他的工作簽種類與在大學當教授的提摩西不同,六年後要重新抽籤,算一算後年便可能得離開美國。103Please respect copyright.PENANAuiSXuaVni0
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但是蘇斷然拒絕與他假結婚。告訴提摩西,他媽肯定發飆。提摩西向他保證會解釋是為了移民。103Please respect copyright.PENANAsAcR4Y276G
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蘇又重複了一次,不要,誰要跟你結婚。103Please respect copyright.PENANAB0XAA4GuTN
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便輪到提摩西沈默。103Please respect copyright.PENANAOoc9EU5NWK
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今天的燉牛肉好吃嗎?我調了香料的比例。103Please respect copyright.PENANA3nUIPQRl5Q
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好吃呀,好喜歡。103Please respect copyright.PENANA1iKuHocFEx
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蘇把碗盤擺進烘碗機裡,揉揉提摩西的頭髮,繞回食物的話題。吃食是他逃避的出口,同居的男人只是朝他微笑,像是沒說過結婚的提議般風淡雲清。103Please respect copyright.PENANA2h0otcKppI
五:糜103Please respect copyright.PENANAiDtGqDsYty
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那些精心佈置的料理,往往花上蘇數個鐘頭,但即使能入提摩西口舌,最後的下場仍舊常是吐進馬桶,隨一聲沖水消失。103Please respect copyright.PENANAqRzQBrPMOs
103Please respect copyright.PENANAZzQidEDPHX
提摩西第一次嘔吐約莫是兩年前,毫無徵兆,便唏哩嘩啦的吐在床單上,那時他們恰巧在做愛。蘇嚇壞了,以為是自己頂弄得過於激烈,在體內抽送的陰莖立刻疲軟,從提摩西濡濕的股縫滑出來。103Please respect copyright.PENANA2dD6vF4arz
103Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0lpvMKezS
提摩西踉蹌地走到浴室,吐完胃裡殘餘的酸臭汁液,這一次便只有液體了。他咳了幾聲,繼續乾嘔,蘇懷疑他會把膽汁吐盡。103Please respect copyright.PENANAAFVhXV7kl3
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提摩西手腳無力地癱軟下來,尾椎骨撞上冰冷的白色磁磚,因為疼痛及嘔吐的不適感,深邃的眼睛通紅。103Please respect copyright.PENANATQnkTMdt4T
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蘇著急地把他載到急診,剛來美國的他們想念台灣的健保,因為在這裡看病實在太貴了。病徵僅有嘔吐,照了胃鏡,醫生不曉得究竟是什麼問題,隔一週又安排了斷層攝影。一來二往數次,也沒查出是什麼病,他們原猜想,也許只是食物的問題。103Please respect copyright.PENANAr7QM30PDrF
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蘇為他煮粥,起先擔心他的胃,便熬煮到米粒化開與湯汁融合,像港式一樣綿滑的粥。提摩西說他要吃留有米粒的糜,吃不習慣湯水似的港粥。103Please respect copyright.PENANABfNVghe93F
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然而,提摩西仍經常無預警地嘔吐。103Please respect copyright.PENANAk4PMrqOznC
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醫生只說可能是神經性嘔吐,是心因性的問題,便提議改掛精神科。103Please respect copyright.PENANAmYFUy9Wm5L
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提摩西冷著臉拉蘇離開。103Please respect copyright.PENANAo2hklNX7mH
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不久,提摩西便向他哀求,要吃正常的食物。反正吃什麼都可能會吐,日漸也就習慣。至少讓他吃米飯,他討厭吃粥,前半生住在家裡每早都要吃。103Please respect copyright.PENANAnPpDBPA8fj
103Please respect copyright.PENANAuqL5k5ppKE
蘇擔心他把胃酸嘔出來會造成食道灼傷,更害怕他出現食道癌病症,但愈是強制他看醫生,甚至只是提起,提摩西就吐得更頻繁。103Please respect copyright.PENANAbpziiBHtk1
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你只是跟我住在一起,沒跟我在一起,能不能別管我。103Please respect copyright.PENANAiwC9MKZIBT
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在蘇未經告知把他載往醫院時,提摩西甩了這句話就下車,蘇沒立場反駁,甚至不知道如何對他發飆,只能腹誹他的任性。103Please respect copyright.PENANAATRZjdT4Ui
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今晚,提摩西也吐了出來,耗時燉煮的紅酒燉牛肉已經成了一灘無價值的穢物。蘇端來一杯熱鹽巴水讓他漱口,他已是脫力地倚著同居人,碎髮因冷汗而貼在前額,一副狼狽的樣子。103Please respect copyright.PENANANwBp8K1SZW
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他看著蘇因心煩而緊擰的眉間,抬手想去撫平那皺紋,只是被蘇揮開。看見他病懨懨的神情,卻又心軟地把杯子湊到他嘴邊,並用面紙為他細細擦拭嘴角。103Please respect copyright.PENANAIx7RWBuDMD
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明天還是吃粥吧,你今天吐得好慘。103Please respect copyright.PENANA6yFUzopNwa
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反正都會吐。我明天想吃塞滿香料的火雞,還有適合配香檳的起司。103Please respect copyright.PENANA7iebasJgHC
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提摩西有氣無力地撒嬌,讓蘇攙扶他坐到沙發上。103Please respect copyright.PENANA2u38PTflmc
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你真的好麻煩。明明有一堆不吃的香料,偏食鬼。103Please respect copyright.PENANAnH55IOguEA
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反正你知道我不喜歡什麼。103Please respect copyright.PENANAWBCadMGtMb
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我哪知道,你自己去買。103Please respect copyright.PENANAmkAGM6WHPO
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騙人,你什麼都知道。103Please respect copyright.PENANAF6booosCmj
七:炸甜粿103Please respect copyright.PENANACBWxYRMrqs
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提摩西發覺,蘇精通很多他不知道的事。例如打掃,例如做菜。103Please respect copyright.PENANALqvCW76hCz
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他是那麼偏食的人,所以蘇為他做了很多「改良式」食譜。他喜歡一起吃飯生活,甚至做愛。那都是自然而然發生,台北或是賓夕法尼亞,並無本質上的不同。幾乎習得一種穴居的型態,過於單薄的生活只有彼此能依偎。103Please respect copyright.PENANAfglVjtKEBo
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他還能正常地飲食的最後一餐——已然是兩年前,那晚的菜單已然模糊。卻清楚記得是農曆新年前,蘇問他,你喜歡甜粿嗎?若你喜歡,那間亞洲超市有賣,明天可以順道買一些。103Please respect copyright.PENANAwtN6viOOlJ
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提摩西搖搖頭,他不喜歡,因為容易消化不良。蘇便打開手機記事本,在提摩西不吃的清單裡加上了「甜粿」。103Please respect copyright.PENANAqNBmTe1E0a
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喔原來還有這個記事本,你好厲害。偷看到螢幕的提摩西開心地說,把身子貼到對方身上。103Please respect copyright.PENANAPjORNm5fEh
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蘇卻突然說起自己童稚時、父母生前,家裡過年都會炸甜粿的事。——但是既然提摩西不喜歡,就算了。103Please respect copyright.PENANAZ23b66Jpz5
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你喜歡的話就炸啊,別管我。103Please respect copyright.PENANA2pRrJ5PFJO
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也沒有特別喜歡。103Please respect copyright.PENANARfkQNAQy1r
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蘇很快結束了這個話題,繼續羅列採買清單。一旁的提摩西卻覺得如鯁在喉,不是純然的譬喻手法——他竟突然覺得說話困難,喉結彷彿腫脹起來,空氣振動帶來疼痛感,他不熟悉突如其來的生理變化,只覺頭暈腦脹。103Please respect copyright.PENANACXhZ50aJE7
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蘇為何能二十年如一日的滿足他的偏食,偏食的他又如何被男人縱容得愈發嚴重。他不斷想起同居人手機裡居然有完整的清單,對於蘇的飲食偏好,他卻一無所知。103Please respect copyright.PENANA8ctIORVv0s
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當晚,男人把他抱上床,見他心不在焉,便停下了親吻。103Please respect copyright.PENANA3gXGEq9Jwc
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如果你膩了,也可以找別人上床,我不會介意。103Please respect copyright.PENANATOn24ZmqjG
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說得像吃醋,但提摩西在蘇的臉上搜尋著一絲不悅或難受,卻發現沒有。什麼都沒有。只是說出一個提議,跟所有過往的提議毫無差別。像是,晚餐吃什麼,要在哪個州定居,你想要哪些家具。提摩西決定了一切。103Please respect copyright.PENANAjPr4yOrpLj
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而蘇就只是,沒有任何意見。103Please respect copyright.PENANAMXCvH1Jbbs
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蘇真的很好,總是知道提摩西的挑食,知道如何為他花十年、二十年做飯。即使偶爾,他會在發表蘇所不知的高見後感覺到優越感,但更多時候,他會覺得蘇無所不知。103Please respect copyright.PENANApiyvc923gi
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提摩西偶爾也會想起很久以前的事,那時,蘇還叫做蘇祐瑋的時候,而他也還叫陳憫恩。103Please respect copyright.PENANAXW5wwOjAje
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蘇祐偉從小便接手,把偏食的陳憫恩碗裡剩的飯菜吃完。不管憫恩剩下什麼,都會吃完。蘇祐偉從小沒有忌口,甚至連討厭的食物都沒有。103Please respect copyright.PENANA0olJAka6X6
103Please respect copyright.PENANAj8fKJG73KQ
提摩西明白了為何一桌菜都是符合他口味的,蘇根本自己沒有任何飲食偏好。他是包容的、遷就的,甚至偶爾令人感覺到母性的——但無所謂自己的喜歡討厭。沒有任何偏好,對大多數事情都沒有。103Please respect copyright.PENANAKGXecHtVs0
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蘇和提摩西很熟悉彼此的身體,很快提摩西就感覺,快感堆疊到了臨界點。恍惚間他想起了自己的初夜。那時還是蘇祐偉跟陳憫恩,他跟家裡出櫃後,被虔誠信教的母親賞了一巴掌,於是便打給從小相伴的蘇祐偉,要他騎摩托車來接回蘇祐瑋的租屋處。他推開門,一個陌生的男孩在玄關繫鞋帶,那是一雙多孔馬丁靴,看到陳憫恩走進來,男孩便手忙腳亂,將鞋帶就穿錯孔了。103Please respect copyright.PENANAkWX3gkjIax
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走在陳憫恩後頭的蘇祐瑋,放下兩顆安全帽後,立刻跪下來替男孩重新穿鞋。103Please respect copyright.PENANARFIAaMfOtM
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蘇祐瑋送男孩下樓,陳憫恩便一個人坐在凌亂的床單上,剎時,被媽媽賞過巴掌的臉頰,那種火辣辣的疼消失了,像麻醉藥注入牙齦的拔牙流程,注射後,那一區塊就全然沒有任何知覺,彷彿不是自己的身軀,只是一塊黏著的肉。甚至當蘇祐瑋回來了,用冰塊貼上他的側臉,他都全然無感。103Please respect copyright.PENANASSwRb3ZXZi
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那是你男朋友嗎?陳憫恩還是開口問了。103Please respect copyright.PENANAKayr1s4r5Y
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不是。103Please respect copyright.PENANAIA9k4Bwt18
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蘇祐瑋這樣說,他便信。103Please respect copyright.PENANAZ277SJmnPM
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你喜歡他嗎?愛他嗎?103Please respect copyright.PENANAVXarOQu6Rz
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沒有,只是砲友而已。103Please respect copyright.PENANAicLnyUIS1N
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那你有喜歡的、愛的人嗎?103Please respect copyright.PENANAb2b36Dm8VE
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沒有,蘇祐瑋輕聲道歉。他曉得意思,再明白不過。103Please respect copyright.PENANAQBs9lTRnAj
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只是他想起那一巴掌落下前,他媽媽把全家福的相框摔在地上,玻璃片全然噴濺碎開,照片裡有他們一家人:爸爸、媽媽、陳憫恩,但還有蘇祐瑋入境,他抿著嘴,略顯尷尬的笑。年少就失去父母的蘇祐瑋,安靜又乖巧,且是陳憫恩少數的朋友,被陳家父母連帶疼愛了整個童年。103Please respect copyright.PENANAmynt50lhud
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我早就知道,你跟蘇祐瑋在交往是不是?他媽媽大聲吼叫,他不知道該怎麼說清兩人之間的關係,只能說:我是愛他的。103Please respect copyright.PENANAK754T0O73V
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巴掌便落下。103Please respect copyright.PENANAemTezTDZGo
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蘇祐瑋問他是不是餓了,他只能停止想稍早的事情,蘇說,如同以往那樣煮泡麵給他吃。也許是為了重新感受到疼痛,他搖搖頭,說:我要吃這個。細長的手指挨上蘇祐瑋的胯下,然後搓揉起來。陳憫恩跪到他身前,仰望著他。103Please respect copyright.PENANAnTPdLg9YhW
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可以嗎?103Please respect copyright.PENANA3fNPr2ssIe
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蘇祐瑋就只是沒有任何意見。那都是自然而然發生的。103Please respect copyright.PENANAbuNKZLxULO
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談愛與否已舉步維艱。提摩西在蘇陪他到美國工作後,彌補似地塞給蘇一張金融卡,告訴他六位數密碼,是蘇生日的民國年月日。至此,提摩西似乎就被允許不再問原因,習得休謨的口吻,以否定因果關係的客觀存在——沒有原因,就只是一個人花二十年為另一個人做飯。103Please respect copyright.PENANAzW85A8hLaT
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蘇真的很好,沒有自己的偏好,包含菜餚。於是他的人生便在切斷實質親子關係後,取得了極大的掌控權,過得舒心任意,只吃自己喜愛的食物。因為甜粿讓他消化不良,蘇即不再考慮炸甜粿的事。103Please respect copyright.PENANAByAvPvloLl
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很快,他的心便在尼古丁與酒精的輔助下,再次取得了平靜。習得某種妥協,他開始能夠與蘇以外的人做愛,進行地毫無窒礙。快感就只是快感,沒有那麼多道德修辭。103Please respect copyright.PENANAGqh5XMALsv
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只不過有時,身體仍然不習慣。103Please respect copyright.PENANA4bkCuQoQNT
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不習慣精心的家常菜,嚐起來有某種危險的錯覺。一切是根基於愛的錯覺。103Please respect copyright.PENANAzegqBEAHNb
103Please respect copyright.PENANAg2jvQKqUUt
今晚蘇為他煮了他喜歡的紅酒燉牛肉,但他又忍不住全吐出來。深夜裡他靜靜打開壁燈,盡可能不發出聲響地,從冰箱挖出玻璃保鮮盒,放進微波爐裡加熱——都是偏食的提摩西所愛的菜色。他的同居人總是知道他喜歡什麼、不喜歡什麼。103Please respect copyright.PENANAG2gZnDZ8aI
103Please respect copyright.PENANANmKdY6W51i
他是偏食的,他是喜厭分明的。103Please respect copyright.PENANAKmAtVC5zMe
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103Please respect copyright.PENANAZlxzbS5S9Q
103Please respect copyright.PENANAoBHiQz4hVi
食物就只是食物,再次變得熱騰騰。經過冷藏又微波,料理的香氣仍然誘人,令他食指大動。他便一個人在餐桌上放肆地啖食。103Please respect copyright.PENANAzEfyy8r25N
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(完)103Please respect copyright.PENANAnhcI1nbqs2