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No one wants to talk about the real things. When you feel your breathing change and the fear you feel though there's no real danger to you. When you're scared to reach out for help because you don't want people thinking you just want attention. When you self harm and get yelled at because of it. They don't get that when your body is shaking and your mental asthma starts acting up, digging your own fingernails in your flesh almost to the point of breaking takes away the pain you feel inside. No one gets that nothing is the same after certain things happen to you. Sometimes you just wish you could disappear because it feels like it wouldn't matter anyways. Or maybe they get it but don't give a fuck. What if they do it on purpose? They don't want to see you happy. They're trying to play you. They're using you. No one gets what happens in my mind. My paranoid, depressed, anxious mind.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqxYVfdii6
Sometimes, I want to scream; I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore. Sometimes, I just want to hit something, I want to hit anything as hard as I can and keep hitting it until my arms go numb. Sometimes, I just want to sing as loud as I can, as long as I can until the music ends. Sometimes, I want to run and run as fast and as far as I can until my legs collapse beneath me.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWJIQxS2bU
Sometimes, I need to cry, but I don't, because I hate to waste the time. Sometimes, I need to close my eyes and listen to my own hear beat, but I can't, because I'm always surrounded by noise. Sometimes, I need to yell at someone; yell as loud as I want at them, and see the shocked look on their face, but I don't, because yelling has consequences. Sometimes, I need to get in trouble, just do something I know is wrong, but I never do, because I'm afraid. Sometimes, I need to tell the truth; just shout it from a very tall building, and be free of it, but I don't, because I don't think the truth will be enough.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOIyt6HsVZ
Sometime, I long for a break, a break from living, from going to school, from worrying, from hiding, but I don't get one; I have to keep doing these things. Sometimes, I long to just pour out my heart to someone other than my keyboard, to trust in someone completely, to know they won't yell or judge, to know they won't say no or walk away, but I have no one with that guarantee. Sometimes, I long to speak my mind and tell everyone how I really feel, to tell them and walk away with no regrets, but I can't, because you can never speak on impulse without a few pangs of guilt afterward. Sometimes, I long to say 'Screw you!' and tell someone off, but I don't, because that's a really fast way to lose a friend.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhB7S3pdjyz
Here's deal,
Besides life being tragic and sucky, I also just plain hate myself. I'm never nice enough, pretty enough, thin enough, there's always something wrong with me whether it's how I acted or something I'm wearing, saying, doing. Basically, I'm all wrong. I overthink everything, I read, I write, I analyze. I can't sleep.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwoTQuGf8h
let's just... stop doing that.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdXIdRwM5y
I just want to fade away. But I can't do that because human beings don't just evaporate, no matter how much they want to.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UnBBzBxnX
I don't have friends (ok I can name 3). I'm trying to deal with the latest life has thrown at me, which is the WORST yet.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEwD4dh0CJ
Everyone has always told me, my entire life "It'll get better." 484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8wWoSe4Qi
not having a good mental health? it'll get better, getting pissed? i'll get better, got so much acne? it'll get better, everyone thinks you are a drama? it'll be better, failing things? it'll get better, getting bad grades? i'll be better, losing people? it'll be better, trust broken? it'll get better, your fav cousins hating you? it'll get better, your siblings thinking you are a psychopath? it'll get better, panic attacks? it'll get better, your parents getting mad because you are too emotional? it'll get better.
STOP LYING WITH THOSE WORDS!484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcomLLwfUqe
Worse. Don't lie to me any-f**king-more.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMUASAiuPi
If you want to make me feel better, take me somewhere fun.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp8Kh6EjHt
Don't give me false hope. Don't let me believe life is only sometimes hard and so beautiful and amazing the rest of the time.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz5VrlDam6
Do you know how hard I have to TRY to find... not happiness, but calm? Contentedness? How must easier it is to just isolate myself, quit my fav things, lock myself in my room? I wish.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisK6D57q0s
Nooooooooo you people expect me to just suffer through it.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllKhKwOIiG
Sure I've just had bad luck, well not me, maybe just everyone around me. Shit happens? Keep calm and carry on?484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20tRtFwvqI
Feed me your cliches and I will go to bed full because there are so many.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPKzEDpY4L
Be happy/think positive/stay alive/get out more/distract your mind. I've heard them all. I have yet to find something that works.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJiJ2JnPk4
Some people are thrown so much crap in life and yet have such a strong will to live.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3C4B1KbiU
Yeah. That's not me.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFGb3d447X
All this time, my hatred toward life was just that- directed toward life.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LMAwuV9t1
Now I direct it toward myself. I don't deserve it, but I've gone mad and Life isn't a person you can dump sh*t on, but you can dump plenty on yourself. It's easy.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshX1Wylcds
Hate your nose and call yourself fat. Convince yourself you are not worthy and nothing good will ever happen to you, that you won't have a bright future. Life has beaten you down and you're how old? Young. Young enough to have hope, but old enough to know better.484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6kERhI0Uk
