我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarbJ3GNJh2
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBJHdq6xao
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9wIvHwZwk
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCycykEn5A
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTtkKWJbjg
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgZvA1d9z8
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI3t4KmWQr
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacxp1lFoz1
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0GeMBkSfg
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX21F0jmxy
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQwb6wGm1w
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3dgGQtBRA
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxNsE9ToYl
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTYzCHdFRw
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs05FYHknmg
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUknQ367FRB
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoToLuoXCLb
熬夜……對，我的錯。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGE8wDIazKz
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXm96ysbS25
的“林布蘭特”？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjMPKEsW4r
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeEoAdtIs2
吸了……460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgHBtaxYom
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZec5qAzlea
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETssD8BbO1
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zUdL698kp
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XEJowl9FU
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qkC5tT0uT
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLA7lB8xnZW
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIQzrQ4ER9
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF13qXKJAw
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKYdL8iqWm
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxCHzSE1SD
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVxc1ydR2e
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLMhlnOD30
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3LpqtNCGJ
怎麼辦？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHgC0qPy0G
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0TJbjkOa4
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDs7CZnvo1H
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolOXtZDt9W
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCznLsj0fi
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVwsK5B4M1
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvRDz11JDK
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQKThEuAqe
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECyibf3oQS
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMnZoepuYP
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4c5Wsj0zWe
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtALB7HUSuX
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi94L9lMvOH
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHvGCEcYrX
「下跪道歉」？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhccIaHkMk
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZsV5yInum
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETSyzxZAB0
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb3wSfZ2xH
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fKSncHuSL
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wz9g6ptv3
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdJLfbGePY
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8p2pTB2yx7
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uBiIYJFdW
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBryImhuwp
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEd5mKNPF3
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtWowa1hBE
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflXV2909cb
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvrHnCxHCe
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nKlxYnXYs
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBElSM5UPvl
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawdqeNk4mq
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF9VHW2c8h
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFm1MWjTCj
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzKNAl4eA0
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnPTDRDEnU
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8hyVhw8Rd
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmox6ebSmCm
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAXbD3zXF5
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjISn7VLZ9
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA6p6HrAMO
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuh8QdsFsmw
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhndEWyNkWC
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEXU86iQF1
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlQRT4bkdt
「媽」…唉…又來了…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczUT6A4Fpa
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhwvb6VzaA
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYisndD55Pw
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfCVeqtdlN
咦…不對……460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM4MITe3Ud
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ9pLmFwi1
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPRpNM5lxK
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47l2eFfuZX
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoliI00wWJ
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq4y5EqtAH
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuc7nxC9EdN
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbezfxhDses
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqd1vhPkEcr
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28uVQIiI2E
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVVkI6maad
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2SgfxUp2d
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmguLnbtoLe
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzuZJs6Uy4
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kp01IU76M
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTogg48CS7s
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa2CbA3beW
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9km5uLCfW
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZN4hxz0eA
　　460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BnYguimuj
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbid7uIwpZk
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rhWXCc7MF
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY0QPZuBhC
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EDjKbm5Xu
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6MO1AIH6d
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoMprUzjD5
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMEleyX3rI
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yN5KnfJJb
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqqslO8WKc
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetossnGjbo
退不得，那就跑吧！460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp67VanUcT6
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcGvDkxVox
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbvNFBOsNP
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVhNwdZiRu
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakjlOGY6yW
460Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4Y893ZSe9
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。