我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qLm1VF73J
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiowCqdWCd
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcICFh7j8Nd
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSutowNEMp
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmFftT3EFj
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhupRDtrfJH
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjShJKXFWG
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bJTDEzD1k
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGwoY1JZ7Z
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoS9WUmHuV0
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O7Y2bpkG7
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTkNKho0Kf
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOyOxXW7zB
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPjZMYnybR
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkw73VeSLy
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61tioXj01J
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6g1eKKwlS
熬夜……對，我的錯。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKB1o432Ui
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx2eoBSnz1
的“林布蘭特”？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNwmTaBFWM
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1ifL4cQa5
吸了……454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8hQUYkQQl
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTIjks00jl
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKKgSURWhI
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyJBUy2VoC
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRsTP0MVAJ
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXmOmx5pnU
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaiaSYZvgY
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXxGz0yg1n
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUL0ZRYD0nj
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCE2VWnNpH
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIStzYLSFox
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkPI0BAyi9
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhn184ZIkna
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCicQyAFyh
怎麼辦？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmne3OakTD
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaIzrL4nTC
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvaXZYsU0s
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOAkyMXhJg
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOt7doAhLKD
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUsKQgIrMH
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY0WgXf0AN
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmRG3pYuxg
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8qdGD8HZ1
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7uaCqw8Ob
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNzVgZOx2K
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNP4fdbAIG
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeB48r4jxyp
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9OCrSJyBy
「下跪道歉」？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunIm3v7PEQ
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48T5IvJw6l
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISdGYfizVB
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvpdq6FL2C
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQdodSbltS
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlPSBRFtxJ
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggRzNRipgA
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83JoWHPt3g
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdIMG2sB4L
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipXtvgq1RX
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR2131WTVk
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMYswG2Uja
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SOIaZypcF
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkF1O717Sf
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuwZqvfd6p
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7NpeoMeoC
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCmBeRvieD
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefGX8lUvjI
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGKkKk21zE
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XXIs6PBqu
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNae73r05tN
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKCWpCsgPA
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk4X66vE0Y
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzPGinyiqI
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PK0JH8lhN
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQpfClkMmu
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE4cwRbypY
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicnLhutCXN
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4fZSgtqYf
「媽」…唉…又來了…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMpQmAhS8N
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnGG44Ij16
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TAP9TF2g4
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ782tNZ14bq
咦…不對……454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPrffMfpUE
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUObLvC3YyO
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KRCoD9By9
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJR9s01jVG
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjLtiMjLA0
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWycgFfx49
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMgZOxs6lR
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UEJOexNBK
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKxl6KuCIM
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpZFaKwgKI
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAiQTPobIG
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0rr33vW8L
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv84yZHpxEC
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREMEs1CDua
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Mogao7eAA
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofoiIGhlfM
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVPuFzwMKa
　　454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXwgTW39Mf
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V051YtS8a
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkSc1SgMLe
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNtv6JZs8n
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRBx0cF4I2
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNy9faLlUmK
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6ewAs9y8t
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgKtSDXvbj
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSky0jqdpNx
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexDvIhIIbV
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZPnjgpv7v
退不得，那就跑吧！454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMq4iLFXdW
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSaB1HPGwE
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPPiGhNoWC
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuT9s11WW6
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qLnTKLTzo
454Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNgFMtb1G7
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。