我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dBWqEKyah
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KWZLgKllt
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEQwpKBO4k
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I1JqFX6dM
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWhefsTq9f
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEjQxNnCbu
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT1RaI5v6i
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHE7C3qyf6
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIWv8D3k1o
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMexpiiHWFm
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H7F6qjNJI
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlpdYIyyFp
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGB07iM07d
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7d7ai0TbE
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZyNostLKr
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36nqLRlTXd
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplzghpes4R
熬夜……對，我的錯。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSc3qrceu2h
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡze1kd68FaN
的“林布蘭特”？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4u9YuoAkz
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcmKFZDm3t
吸了……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaS35nQHIc
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Mq2okT5UJ
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUvz1vxzXx
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbYnI6fgqe
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnq5quppkCa
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqY609n5dA
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiwDtiKMF6
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8Cs9IMzXS
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCOw2jrt6i
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrtxZlZRON
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtotyJJceGm
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsZ2yBr9bW
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl22bWcExYc
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImEmoH42nw
怎麼辦？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsQd1LLsLy
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIDd8ncXiS
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IUVPu2YLl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl6hBN4xhN
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XzH1KWaWn
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwPZ4ORZCF
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloOz9MS1Ly
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcXe5Oolkj
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5lhAvM94A
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2vz87DAPI
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2DYYFDXQH
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdBVgccYYq
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnDTktmCS8
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyNcEAEqQK
「下跪道歉」？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfosVOCtyOe
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX47WToAy59
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSHeq5IAvy
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnkJ0YRZfj
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vzISYdJV9
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLniIXON6pJ
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe40EPFDdBs
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBtjtjqZaq
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1CkOb6UTI
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9IaBlivPb
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtJVXIAN55
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGCxbOXb9i
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG1RJrUOOh
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEsieceX5R
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQOSJweYQd
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGrESojrG6
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07TUxiebE4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7oK6V201R
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7RB0ATdCG
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQe44f5o8g
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUHoVEvumA
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5tN8jkd5J
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJv0aYuGui
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRXKLZZf4c
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUiHOtPRA8
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskaPP7M7iu
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpE51s0vTu
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt7T964x01
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7ToC8q3uS
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1fiacrgmw
「媽」…唉…又來了…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2eXFZddkK
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHwHddasz6
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHBQOR2YIU
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtJOjGy31Y
咦…不對……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRY2njpUaL
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDS52ADqtK
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ682QMxxk4W
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9eGSefyh0
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AO4HnA55L
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OElgMc8mF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdnHFHWiBu
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFWITBvwLG
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l213vnzsQ
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsswRUlRHP
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgUXrK1ex4
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10hlbpJdJJ
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbKUtSiW0Q
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSm9xfCpPC
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJyRuiHrKm
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtYbq5NLxk
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux3KEu2beV
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6hb3hNGDH
　　459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoIFbNMC6r
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYRoRLQy8y
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoefz3DzF1k
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlCigxaTnw
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDDPkUuxG0
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerdBAYd1VM
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7BCLFGOvc
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiqeO1HUJ8
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8jabYRB2p
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNw4RUMsNQ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLgIRPw8JL
退不得，那就跑吧！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYFhhI3L47
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExPFPx02ot
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXUi7BYMQs
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v9LMLXNWj
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs8yBuxiZL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN9AG26EWa
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。