我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bi5KWIxyj
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne761bwnIT
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlKQuCbyOs
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMCgQ6dMSx
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofWtwEqjcV
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LnmoypTvl
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPsgnnywX6
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5654GsgVJ
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawzHedEneU
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhyy0wvh5I
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7hfXszcVF
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXy6obd6Qo
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QoRdAgMga
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNI2BNMNts8
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLqUFho5ms
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeNSAhwkrn
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0YvZfx917
熬夜……對，我的錯。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFK18We9vvy
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFUczhUKnE
的“林布蘭特”？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkxONY3VwT
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOjNr0tqYl
吸了……543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhvRjJ5P63
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkND7DFU2y
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4Sr4KyAvq
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMLublRR9b
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Wapm0IYBQ
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwpn1RE1Jk
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Wqgj76gfB
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09HZGoJgEU
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZMqjMBvZ1
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cy7y7xW1L
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrcfOYgyDE
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkEBuYhtHt
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G3ykjaw2Z
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEfL8j0U94
怎麼辦？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZXoHmAEMd
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKNfUo5yMT
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpuIsoA9hD
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWok7IFXMl
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1rwsumdQI
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyOtCD3X4E
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKyZvmhTvb
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFosZH2scq
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE6fLjvTVk
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWGax2pR0U
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13n0It0fod
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97q9gfzCXo
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DXxTY1Soz
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHegqYC48fh
「下跪道歉」？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNGtMPmdUk
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrerlT7GzMS
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYle0GTBqG
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqc4eeYRfsD
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9SCQg3anE
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4S6w9oZu2y
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa43yGi9AfN
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmRrKqzmil
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66w6U2y2Ms
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEQu7DivOj
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2Fq0J6S8c
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2zDxNBwgd
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJglm62eaV8
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsjUrn0q9L
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡev9sZYAoCt
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbnaCToZP3
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BEKyipU1W
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxfRqMTyLd
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsfWGsAW1Y
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPV35NxEkl
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV1tzFxcQV
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbEyjuveTP
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvGIzF93TI
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9inNeiVTB7
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKpb2kd2Jz
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCesbr6eBlY
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5U7XfSwhh
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyVfDzQ3mJ
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxCMsvkpce
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveKaQhEFZQ
「媽」…唉…又來了…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScaczY4m3u
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6DOLYR08C
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMyE9oUK9W
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigaMAafiOW
咦…不對……543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq3lyDEQt3
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRlCcJvenu
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14ZM7I9Lb0
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1PWmzWGvN
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrilSXg23O
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mzAM0CiTS
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiBNsM4Te4
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhmXx0YMV6
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP04ecgmNJf
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrJGtAYg0u
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHvdVBuO2u
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhCF5SiajT
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9ifAWIpYK
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeQlRuMczA
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wM99UiqxA
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ1IuolYWY
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tevjVdwg0
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKUSgxMUv0
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiltQWxNIN
　　543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFQhdHFOMR
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZlq10AEuD
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw02Y3zvL3Z
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VMgQE3Yte
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwkbgThr4J
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vJHXZOfRx
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRgLrHOPjN
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnONxYrsZ3M
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7EGA4EO0j
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiqvbdHqgy
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22kqKeUUpH
退不得，那就跑吧！543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjWCbpxMEH
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoZs8Rpzfv
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk10d8mbKq
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqpGW7mMPB
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxW87q9kdvR
543Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UgTjZ4VTk
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。