x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7U24ZXoIL
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzU7ZE2YpHl
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1sWaFeqn5
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwub8q1sRa
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xOPrjekxz
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJEU7VVUUS
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c18F7588Y
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6lE5fClvW
為何記住？我解釋不了。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogx4EEJTzU
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmO7E2Pb9q
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOda5FlzgKm
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIJE09XBGP
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX35w0zgxY
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIs4JeYnRO
其中一個是他。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4dPzsSdZM
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPL2QVg17lK
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvpPioeNaT
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuVUzCSkQH
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYgDJp1w6M
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrNoj7tiwA
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ74IFQSCP
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8OBqBMqd9
「你遺下銀包。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy4Bk0gYxW
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvD7VkyGb6
「謝謝。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpzlt6Ak63
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeDcnYAULJ
「不用客氣……」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo3BF5MB2e
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDHhVkDEN5
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3j9xEvznP
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3ftf9RPe9
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfWZbCxT9S
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHz9Wq6zrU
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDmnVVnhBp
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kiB1QwKcb
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLHjWhsPJ5
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDiRuUhxhq
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6twbgD0RU
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6udTCz518
「我是文班許家偉。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIAvclxwWU
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBVx6MZ7vx
「我是理班李浩榮。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJRp4WQ7Qc
其實我早已知道許家偉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMUjw2Xr5b
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6Rs34ZhnH
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedzLvEnhzc
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpwV4FKjQh
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1l5IMfD4z
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeg8OaXxWZB
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerH40uj2rQ
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZR6FHFNuI
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXLdgYc8w3
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcdr1vkYUp
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqexjjlBTK
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEvt1q6owB
不服氣。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxljyIB0Kx
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6bHJXeOcn
繼續觀察他。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c6hld2OBA
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfWRdoM1za
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Id9rvi7bF
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5Xv0f6YLw
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO4loE55nX
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPCfykoD9z
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueNdVxXVxV
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCyhbWyPtw
我急步追趕許家偉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecTSxUaIcS
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV0B5ZF3zs
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGhWDTolbD
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdplzDBYjQF
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5sBULLuKn
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVwwJiQvXw
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylZ1CXM1aq
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtF1mXwh8I
「你遺下了銀包。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3nxUFFhd3
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTUZNrc59e
「謝謝。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFXMy2hzU6
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacvChW2uLf
「不用客氣……」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRDK0SVqOt
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTHR9X5z7U
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAhER8EI6T
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpbTmCVXMY
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTFO3NZ5Ys
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nt2LNAaws
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAux1HSgGLf
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4oM6ssBp4
我望入他雙眼。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zS8KjPIZw
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJFDFjRDXo
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjvbaBDYLB
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFB8ctqvY8O
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZNWmPVoly
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJVYMRt2iV
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKhDc1jXJL
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgEovn1WwB
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Msguuvtyr
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWT32oUjGit
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDneyTAR97
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkO4FGc7K4
「我是文班許家偉。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWa28RBsAec
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojApdceexc
「我是理班李浩榮。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4C7MtJZgP
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTBOS3e1eN
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUmUyzDp4v
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYY32V2LQl
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsQZyl7LG0
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWSkS7PKpG
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6ujtoLR2q
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOLzo1NomY
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhBcHLDedc
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YG1jR4bln
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSJ5EU6SWp
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu4864vX1s
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF04KGSVgFI
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0f20IoOm2n
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjGyBFO9Ee
但我沒有阻止他。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv5ifPRloA
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zYmY9Za9a
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9O71Pxp1C
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDQihUQg55
我慫恿他繼續說下去。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzX8Btv8pC
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbRwVLVd1E
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYjMsKzLyI
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9wEGGm3Rp
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4OohaUn7r
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbau63f945r
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfjHY1wCAH
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBhhHHzam7
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgTYIZzaLn
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqznvBG4yQq
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DSO4BUP6j
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkl1PzQcQX
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0OBMCiI59
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UkzttM7Mf
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINXVyugeL5
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjMM9e6kJR
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9esErv1R5
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV7fJ3Ah50
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddPFjG2nyW
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Cd1Zhx4dU
但我掛念他。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEYDST7i6P
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu7o59WBNc
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ78jYe2l6q
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KJ4hnJcox
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifEBeUlls4
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDx5uSkbbTg
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZHtvnBWQ4
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvn8vnMlDvi
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfsWTGbNyW
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEbY93sYAo
不要說。不要聽。不要見。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwuisuR4Dz
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvstv4fjIE
希望時間會沖淡一切。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuuZLJZsy9
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn5xHKVbic
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36Idm0FLos
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksyV5xzIr7
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWe5boh8lrU
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhXzFS4ZYw
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2gaXWK8tb
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZglgVsG8f
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrh4s5R4Hx
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecchSLbEBx
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c2OciQ7ak
「我也不明白。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLugvDeIVIb
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyakbgLURW
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfWOapp4ql
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqzHDXY4Tm
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTc54HJv1E
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcdaM9Uanl
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHWc1kNfNi
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBajicAdGWM
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W5YdTgJfQ
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJbzpLM57Y
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bTr2bDDjR
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6OBMVyKUZ
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpkdwHn2ig
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaWBtu5mle
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvX05HCj3tS
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rXr2LkRtn
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNEDtkuY9d
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKfEa5cvfE
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHpnn4QUk9
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBlJey91PA
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M4FvLw8mi
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEOMF3VeTn
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jSE9P53HT
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgqoE5QsW2
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UV4Mg3weU
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4d06dQ8As
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKO1O9oNie
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRSq7iih1F
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG6XuhZ4Ap
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ndg17WjYM
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNfl2oIeGR
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv59UHq27w
為何要走到這一步？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3exus3u8j
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxSKQoyiUU
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew4uhu6lgq
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDXLSEt312
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU1dF3zBLv
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoymPq4deUp
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t4f4ufwEi
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK763juk7mo
「別倔強。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORv1uH4H2I
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt5gBTMx9s
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0jE2WKKj7
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E9jRny2Od
「我想你放棄。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnl3TC5VXe
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ843QSQvGks
「原因？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExUmgk8CaN
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaFj1re8QN
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYjQg7TfHG
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn6P8ad51R
「我知道。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMgNnaFtC7
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ6to8afQt
「何解還要繼續下去？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08BJouaLpb
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStctQzlDYR
「感情易放難收。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic95rEx8y0
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZzvCDrJhP
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGimVz7G2fI
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4r1Nin9tQ
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPUqP9Igu4
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElrYd8Eh3w
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfbDMKIT7f
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQUqgmCkLj
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXvAVnqExK
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdwaHjIDZU
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtNlAtm5Rj
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcxCxadJ84
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn3HVXbxSf
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11wiN98iwd
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoajxfeip0i
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a3UllXcpO
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxYiNo0p1v
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5ujq0nH0D
小醉。半醉。大醉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3EGVieJ8y
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ep7bettxk
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCxHhIJ09H
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eBAymtq20
「直接講我愛他。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxsRRmLqwU
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlkpmX2UFG
「如果他拒絕？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkclifLS8gP
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQKRgm3jzD
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWs1gIf4Bo
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIg3j38Zd6l
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8FGYe2moB
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamVnkgJaSr
「我當然是高興！」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixCtZ9x3LH
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQHhWuOZQ4
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRzb7zkiFb
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEjUiRslNQ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCpxuJd1je
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHjuAOxhXg
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W951H0npB
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgCRH9Z6g9
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWJ7UGiecx
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y2mSbW6jA
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4DoGtx2C1
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O0I9T8I7F
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5oic4OGlL
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XYEBfiJYs
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuQMKSM4yP
「你仍然單身？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjVWGv66Lt
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqc26teEcc
「是的。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8Z6IW2RWg
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qIY9YHykH
「要我當媒嗎？」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EMmvrjTvw
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHsPqKc79O
「不了。難為情。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uMMCQOMtt
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6OuJ6myNG
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnDILB3vc5
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnlFiLD3Oo
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF2owRr4n2
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4WqzfEZ3n
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3js3HuXIz4
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetTR7wnFBL
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAaBuUWsIP
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0FXTjg9AA
回家吧。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeYvD6lLxA
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxUdUUhZ8o
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUdusbVcRJ
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA7vKYf1uM
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFJJakhDgp
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljmDfMlgPp
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN5Fkhi481
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjzIaOBxLv
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5OTzK0m69
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedBN4uC5rI
大概是一見鍾情吧。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBa3I0A04rw
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEuozNjTYG
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSk9gqJLlH
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqXULgkglb
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI2tzqTulw
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BMsPepc70
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYUoDeZ9VF
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYT1uTaqsw
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jmqX0Z26z
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDKZq1jkpI
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWdvG2wgCi
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnuUjV0Aym
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBy68bIXMr
百感交集……204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0qm0DuHqL
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnHUu0zMye
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8TmH63te6
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg4wHf3wDp
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibzWS6XpSk
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xGH9q0bPb
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMeiEOzIPA
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsXKnw1OD4
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXzMJRgPaY
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy89bTIYYR
「認得。你是文班的。」204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVxZSwnlgc
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpaeZnN70O
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Er7LHmphz
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3OWRM28fE
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEo7GBTIcu
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgpK5CPpAb
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK476IXU4J
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6SwKYLjAS
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTm7JtVgM6
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SfE1Va6lJ
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr1QnQKT8T
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxY27enTvm
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3Xa1B6T8P
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4CflVmmZZ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge7SMvIrqu
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuAMul6jqY
我哭笑不得。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOg3Ypk8pF
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdWn8nF9rL
無意跟他繼續對話。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTGAwfleSX
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg2z71VkOJ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErO0pH0YJ4
204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrJwokhco9
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S8R1RaDvS
